I believe there are two types of people in this world. People who live in a fantasy world and those who live in real life. Real time.

I'm a Black, Gay, Taoist, vegetarian, shaman. Mouthful isn't it?

I think Black straight people live in a fantasy world. They think that all Black men are straight and that if a Black man stands up and proclaims his Gayness he is trying to be white. As if this could ever be accomplished.

They live in a fantasy world called 'Down low land". Where Black men have anal sex with other Black men and swear they're not Gay. They carry AIDS home to their wives or girl friends who then come down with it. Then they all go to The Black Straight Christian Church and blame it on faceless white gay men they have never met.

White gay men live in a fantasy world of their own creation as well.

All men in this world must be buff, 22, cute, willing to be anally copulated, and of course...white.

They live in "Anal sex land." In Anal sex land...you can have all the anal sex you want and not get AIDS. And if you do, just take "the cocktail". Has anyone else noticed the irony of having to take a "cock" - "tail" after anal sex?

White gay men live in a fog of anal sex, drugs, alcohol, and narcissism. All you have to do is watch a few hours of "Queer is (white) Folk" to see this.

I never "came out" as it's put today. I usually just say I "discovered" a part of myself I didn't know was there. Also that that part of myself was attracted to white men.

I was a Black boy raised in a white neighborhood by a single Black mother who wanted better. We have recently discovered that I'm "too white" for her. We rarely speak.

I also seem to be "not Black enough" for a lot of white Gay men I've met. They would prefer someone from "the hood" who will "rough them up a bit." When I have dated white men, it's never been an equal relationship. I was "the possession", the "politically correct trophy", "the welfare case", or just "the hot man who's a good fuck".

White men seemed to regard me as a walking dildo. "Fuck me! Fuck me! Fuck me! Mr. Big-dicked Black man! Please fuck me!"

What's really funny to me is that to Black people; I'm always and instantaneously; "the bottom". There's no question about it. To white gay men, I will always be "the top", to Black straight people I will always be the bottom. And neither group takes the time to ask who I really am!

I despise anal sex. I despise it because it has been put out to straight people as the only kind of sex that Gay men have. To the point where little old ladies walk up to me and wag their finger saying, "Now you be careful and use a condom young feller!" How rude! Would they ever walk up to a straight person and say that?

I have only had anal sex once. It was one of the single most painful physical experiences of my life. I never wanted to do it again. Of course this didn't stop people from ramming their fingers up my anus every chance they got without my permission either.

So I say all this to ask just one question; can't we just make love? Why is that concept so "un-gay". Why can't I have you over for dinner? Feed you a nice meal? Massage your feet? Maybe nibble on 'em a little? Why can't I lay you down and climb on top of you and kiss you till you can't breathe, then breathe for you? Why can't we douse ourselves in baby oil and slide ourselves silly? What's so bad about that?

Would we not still be men? Would you not be screaming your head off? I don't want to hurt you! I don't want to violate you. I want to make love to you. I want to hold you, caress you, cuddle you and fondle you.

Why can't we be romantic? And guess what, when we're done, neither of us will have exposed the other to ANYTHING! We won't have to run to the clinic the next day for a shot because no one got hurt. No one got physically abused. Because the only thing I did to you; was make love to you.

Would that be so bad?

BlackLotus