Bill Weintraub


Part I -- The Conversation

The Kid and the Dude were sitting at the Dude's kitchen table. The Dude was a guy pushing 50. The Kid? -- well, sometimes he said he was 18, and sometimes 17, but really he was just 16 years old.

They had met at the Y, around the ring actually. A little boxin, a little wrestlin, some weights. And they had become friends. Wasn't sexual. The Dude would never hit on the Kid -- he'd been hit on too many times himself when he was that age. And the Kid -- well, he hadn't decided yet who, if anybody, he was ever gonna sleep with. But he was pretty sure it would be another boy, another tough boy like himself.

No, the Kid and the Dude just liked each other. Liked to talk. Especially about the old days. That's what the Kid was curious about -- what life had been like when the Dude was growing up.

And tonight the Kid had decided to ask the Dude about somethin he'd heard from some of the other guys at the gym -- somethin about some big fight, THE FIGHT they called it, the Dude was in when he was just a teenager.

The Kid was a little reluctant. Knew somehow that THE FIGHT was very important to the Dude. But, the Kid thought, maybe the story of the fight will hold some answers for me too.

So he asked.

"Well," said the Dude,

"Yeah, Kid, a lot of people ask me about THE FIGHT, they wanna know about THE FIGHT, why it happened and how it happened and how it turned out.

"Well, I don't tell most people, Kid, not worth tellin most people, I learned that a long time ago, they don't understand and they don't really care and what business is it of theirs anyway, know what I'm sayin dude, they need to live their own lives the way I had to live mine.

"But I like you Kid, can see that you're a standup guy even if you are just a kid, so if you really wanna know, I'll tell ya. You're a young guy just comin' up after all, way I was too dude, so maybe what I tell ya will help ya, help ya figure shit out, help ya figure which way to go.

"Cause it's tough being a gay kid, the way you are, the way I was, even now with all them bills and protections and all that ho-nor di-ver-si-ty bullshit.

"Course it was tougher when I was your age...

Part II -- The Secret

See, when I was 16, like you are now, my folks moved to a new town and I got put in a new high school.

I was worried by the move but kinda hopeful bout it too.

For years I'd been carrying around inside me a deep and terrible secret, somethin I couldn't tell anybody, not another living soul. It was something I wanted, something I wanted worse than anything, but see it was about sex, even worse about homosex, and even worse still about fightin and sex, and I knew people would say it was wrong, sick, evil, and just plain fucked up.

But I didn't believe them. I couldn't believe them. I knew that for me it wasn't wrong, I knew that it couldn't be wrong, because I knew it was what I needed.

See, I knew I had to be with another boy, had to be with him sexually man, and not just any boy kid but a boy who would come to me in a fight.

That's how we would meet see - in a fight. I just knew how it would be, kid, could feel it in my gut and in my heart and in my cock, knew it when I saw other dudes fighting, knew how it had to be, it was the deepest, truest thing I felt and knew.

But here's the thing -- couldn't be just any kid, not just any boy, had to be the right one, a boy who would have done somethin and been somethin I could respect, done somethin that took guts, somethin that showed he was brave, like a hero. And I even thought I knew what he'd look like too, thought he'd be fair and about my size, not pretty but tough, his skin a little scarred maybe from his battles.

And he'd be lonely like me, and ready like me, to swear devotion to the right boy, his equal, the boy who could fight him as hard as he could fight me.

Part III -- The Place

And I knew where it would happen too, see, knew we would meet in a place, like our lives, a wild place, empty and lonely, ruined and bare. There we would fight man, fight hard man, wrestle hard man, our bodies slamming into each other, our cocks hard and our spirits raging till --

Till what happened was what happened every night and every morning in my narrow twin bed when I fucked the sheets and imagined that kid underneath me, his rock hard cock under my own, fucking and bucking till we both came, till hot white creamy jizz shot from my cock and someday, I knew, from his too.

That was my secret.

So when we moved I was a little worried but a little glad too. I knew the boy I was looking for wasn't in our old town or our old neighborhood, I knew the scared stupid strait boys there and knew that if I told them what I wanted they would turn away - or turn me in. No, I thought, maybe in this new place, maybe in this new school I'd find the boy I'd been looking for, it felt like, all my life.

Part IV -- Getting Ready.

And I'd been gettin ready for him too, worked out with weights and ran and took karate three days a week at the cruddy Y in our crummy town. I knew what I looked like, knew I looked good, could see it in the eyes of the old guys in the shower and in the steam, see it in the thickening of their cocks when they looked at my teenboy's muscular body and at my thick black hair and thick dark dick, would watch their eyes as they traveled from the patch of hair between my hard pecs down my armored abs to the happy trail that led to my heavy cock and loaded balls.

And I knew I could fight too, could feel my power when I hit the big bag or pinned one of the older guys during ground work. My sensei said he liked my fighting spirit, but said I needed to learn to control my anger, to focus my energy. And I thought, when the time comes, I'll be focused.

And so I started at my new school. It was a lot more suburban than where I'd been before, it was bigger and there was more light and more air and I liked that, liked that I could breathe better there. The other kids were curious about me but I knew how to act, knew how to play their dopey strait games so they'd never suspect, and of course they didn't, and besides, there was already a fag at their school.

Part V -- The Fag

That's right, a fag they told me, but don't mess with him, they would whisper, he's strong and he's mean, he took out a straight boxer boy (a fuckin fag basher I found out) in no time. I liked that. His name was Jeremy they said. And I could see that they were afraid of him, afraid of his power, afraid of his anger and rage too.

I liked that even more.

I asked around some about what had gone down between him and the basher, and found out Jeremy had put the little asswipe in a bear hug right in front of his girl, then dropped him like a limp rag. Turned around to walk away (never turn your back on a basher kid, they're fuckin cowards, like to hit from behind) and the guy got up and tried to clock him with a stick. But Jeremy just ducked and took him out with a one-two, upper cut-cross, bam-wham, man, that little fuck was out cold.

Fists man -- it's good to know how to throw a punch.

So I liked that even more.

Course I had my own little rep too, had gotten a little ink the year before for cornering a mugger. Naturally the papes didn't get the story right, didn't know all the facts to be honest. He wasn't a mugger, he was a hater, came after this little teenaged TV whore near the Y with a knife. I didn't really like TVs, didn't really understand why you'd wanna wear a dress or change your sex, but I didn't like them fuckin fundie bigots either. So I told him to back off, and when he didn't and took a swipe at me with his cutter I hit him with a garbage can, swung it hard and sent him flyin through the bus station's plate glass.

Then the cops showed up, and then there was a little story in the paper bout the teenaged hero. Course the little TV hooker wanted to show her gratitude by sucking me off, but I told her no thanks man, not my scene dude.

That was one of the reasons my folks moved, wanted to get me away from the mean city. Funny, huh?

So now there were two heroes in little suburban high, or two street fighters at least, and I knew some of the other guys were curious, wanted to know, and sometimes somebody would ask me, Think you could take him Billy? But I never answered, I didn't talk much anyway, and besides if I was going to fight that guy it wouldn't be to amuse those dopey strait boys who didn't know where they wanted to put their puny dicks.

If I fought him it would be for me. And maybe for him too.

Part VI -- Jeremy

So I began checking Jeremy out...

And I liked everything I saw. Maybe liked it too much.

He was my own size, not too big, welter weight, right for me I thought, and interesting too, good looking sure, blond but not too pretty, his nose had got broke somewhere along the line, I liked that, and he had a square jaw and a fuckin little dimple too. And his body man, his body was really fine too, broad shoulders and narrow hips and beautiful muscles man, not too big dude, but lean and strong, I could see the shape of his lean strong body under his tee and under his jeans, good arms and rippin waist, dude, the bod of a guy who knew how to fight. And he was a loner too, kept to himself and I liked that, sometimes he might catch me looking at him and he would look away and maybe scowl just a little, and I liked that too.

Not some pretty boy, not some girly guy tryin to get ya to join the fuckin drama club or some eager beaver wantin ya to work on the dumbass yearbook, and not some jock sucker either, not some ath-e-lete always hangin with the guys on the team and their girls, and not the water boy either.

Just a guy who knew who he was, who was okay with it, and who didn't take any shit from anybody. I like that man.

And who was built besides.

Liked that too dude.

Part VII -- Takin a Piss

One day, it was a Friday, first week of school, I needed to take a piss during class. So I got excused and went to the john. It had those big metal double doors that creaked when you pushed them open, and as I came through them I saw Jeremy, standing at a pisser with his dick out. He had his hips turned so I couldn't see it, but he turned his head so that he could see me. There were only four pissers in there and suddenly I was afraid, didn't want to be seen takin a leak with a fag, didn't want him to see me with my dick out either. So I stopped, just past the doors, and looked at him. Actually I looked away at first, and then I looked up. And he looked back at me, and our eyes met, and locked. I could feel my cock begin to get hard, and I felt all of it man, real fast like, these feelins, like wantin him and fearin him and hatin him and maybe even lovin him a little too. I didn't know what to do, but I had to do something, so I balled my hands into fists and started moving toward him, my eyes on his, my cock growing too.

When I got up to the stalls I stood not next to him but one pisser over. He was lookin down, then, pissin, but he said clear, so I could hear it, What's the matter dude, fraid to stand next to me. I had my dick out by then, but I answered back fast, I'm not afraid of nothin man.

I moved over next to him and tried to keep pissin. But my cock was getting hard now and when I looked over at his I could see his was too. We were both wearin tees and I moved slightly, accident really, not on purpose, but my bare biceps brushed against his, jostled him.

He didn't like that. He shoved back with his arm, hard, and we both got riled, and turned quick to face each other, and our eyes locked again, and our dicks were still out and hard, and as we spun around our cockheads hit and kinda jammed gainst each other.

And I felt it man, it was like a shock, like a jolt of electricity shot through my body, and the warmth flowed into my chest and my fists came up and his did too and ...

He reached out and grabbed the front of my tee and I grabbed his hand and our cocks were pressin up closer when ...

Suddenly, we could hear the doors creaking open behind us, slowly, but we moved apart fast, and then Mr. Heaps came in. He was this strange old guy, musta been 40 at least, who was bald and walked with a cane, had a bad leg, don't know from what, the war or an accident or somethin. He taught English and wasn't married, lived with his invalid mother as a matter of fact, and some people claimed he was gay. I don't know, but he was a good teacher, gentle yet firm with his class, and so people left him alone -- it was strange sometimes to think about it, the people who were left alone and the people who got called names or got beat up. It was hard to figure sometimes. Anyway, Heaps came in and looked at us, looked at Jeremy, now buttoning up, and looked at me, and he sensed something, seemed to understand something, and maybe wanted to communicate something too, something about being kind maybe. But he didn't say anything like that, just looked at us and said quietly, ok boys, time to get back to class.

So we did.

But that was the first time we looked each other in the eye. And the first time our cocks touched too. I'll always remember it kid. Fuckin blue eyes he had dude, fuckin blue. And a big dick.

Part VIII -- The Ruin

So that was who he was and that was who I was. Maybe we were both a little too angry and maybe not, but we stood up for ourselves and we didn't take any shit.

And that's a lot when you're 16.

Now where we lived -- where the school was too -- was pretty suburban, just ranch houses, it had had the shit developed out of it bout 10 years fore I got there. But there was one place where the money boys had gone broke fore they could do any damage, musta been 2 or 3 acres, meadows once but woods now, wild and dark, and in its center the ruins of a farmhouse, just a doorway with some foundation and pieces of wall and a little bit of chimney. And right in the middle, right where the sun came through, like it was there for a purpose almost, like it was an arena or a fightin pit man, there was dirt, loose and warm, dirt where the floor had been.

And I used to stop there as I walked home from school most days, just stop and think, think about the boy usually. It was quiet there, peaceful in a way, and being among all the trees and vines and creepers with just the sky overhead left me feeling quiet inside too, as though there wasn't that much difference between me and the rest of God's world.

So I went there on that September day, that day And that's where I was on that September day, not long after school began, a hot day, one of the last days of summer. It was the day I'd seen Jeremy takin a piss. It was the day of the fight.

Part IX -- The Fight

I was sittin in the ruin see, thinkin about things, thinkin about Jeremy naturally, and what had almost happened when we were pissin, and then, and I don't know why man, I looked toward the doorway -- see actually, there was really only one way out, and that was through that wrecked doorway -- there he was, standin in it, blockin it, fillin it up, starin at me.

Wasn't smilin either. Just starin.

Well -- guess he was still pissed about what had happened in the piss room. Guess I was too. I had stared at him there, hadn't I? And I'd been lookin at him a lot besides.

It was hot that day. All we were wearin, both of us, were white tees and jeans. And we had our books, too, just a few books held together with a strap.

Anyway I got up, and I looked him in the eye -- hard -- and started toward him -- like I wanted to leave.

And he looked back, really cocky and mean, really tough man, and he dropped his books.

So I dropped mine.

And then man -- and he didn't let my eyes go for a second -- he peeled off his shirt.

Just one smooth motion -- up and over his head and dropped in the dirt at his feet.

He looked really beautiful with his chest bare like that man, standin there in the doorway, fillin it, those broad shoulders and hard pecs and that narrow waist.

But he looked really mean too. And really tough.

And I wondered if I was in over my head.

But I wasn't gonna stop now.

So I pulled off my shirt too. Let it drop.

And then we were just standin there, bare chest to bare chest.

And I was beginnin to get hard, but I was also beginnin to get mad too -- cause he was blockin my way, just standin there man, like a smartass, like he owned the fuckin world, blockin me dude.

So I walked up to him -- real close man -- and he put his hands down, down to his sides, and I don't know man, but somehow I understood, and I let my hands drop too man, and I walked up to him real close, and put my chest against his and pushed man, tightened my pecs and pushed.

Wasn't a real hard push man, but he pushed back.

And then I got pissed man, and came back at him again, harder man, and pushed harder dude, and then we were buttin chests man, hard, super hard, gruntin each time we collided, and we were like animals man, like fuckin rams buttin heads, we were gruntin and going UH UH UH and each time we crashed together it was a shock man, like an earthquake man, and I could see him getting madder and madder and feel the rage risin inside me and suddenly I couldn't control it anymore and I reached up and grabbed his shoulders with my hands and he reached back and grabbed mine and we locked up that way.

And stood there, face to face, locked tight, arms bulging and strainin, sweatin and furious, veins bulgin out in our faces, each tryin to throw the other.

And then he managed to push me back some, so that we were out of the doorway and more in the center of the pit, and let go his grip and charged in on me man, pushin me backwards onto my back.

But I grabbed back ahold of him as I was goin down so that he came down on top of me. And I managed to get my arms around him and hold him down and then I could feel his crotch grinding into mine, and I realized we were both hard and that our cocks were fightin as hard as we were.

And we ground our hard cocks into each other with our chests scrapin too, rollin around in the warm loose dirt, strugglin and gruntin, and then I let go with one hand so I could pull it back and pop him one hard on the side of the head.

And that startled him and he let go himself long enough to hit the side of my jaw back and then jump up and back off me.

I scrambled to my feet too and we stood facing each other, pantin hard, both our faces a little bloody, our jeans ripped and torn too.

And then he backed away a little more and spit some blood out on the ground and looked hard at me and reached to the waistband of his jeans and tearing them open, quickly got em off. He was wearin just a jock underneath and his cock was rock hard, thick and big and hard, his balls heavy and slightly out of the pouch, and his cock was so hard that the head was pushin past the waistband of the jock, and he stood all the way up now and looked at me and yelled, C'MON MAN, and I understood him and I knew what he meant and that what was going to happen between us next would be TOTAL man, COMPLETE man, and FOREVER man.

So I yanked off my jeans too and stood facin him man, in a jock too man, my own massive tool rock hard and ready to do battle with his, my balls achin to crash gainst his, I wanted to beat him and master him man, crush him underneath me, crush his cock under mine.

And we circled each other again just for a second man and then we locked up again, really hard, super hard now, we were in it for the kill, that's what we wanted, and this time I managed to slip in on him, take his legs out and come down on top of him, WHAM, hard man, crashin into his bod with mine, and we both grunted hard, man, UHHHH, and then locked our arms round each other so that our chests were tight up and scrapin hard, hard nip gainst hard nip, and our cocks were grindin into each other through the lastic of the jocks, balls hangin out and bangin into each other as we struggled, and I managed to pull back twice and slam my chest into his really hard man, and we both groaned each time that happened, UHHHHH UHHHHH, and then I tried for a third and he reached up and tried to grab my balls and got the jock instead, pulled it halfway off so my cock was free and I reached down and did the same to him and we crashed together for the last time and now it was pure cock fight, cock against cock, both of us with eight rock hard inches of massive meat, like steel man, like oak against oak dude, rubbin hard over each other, and at the moment that our cocks met his uncut skin pulled back and all the precum that'd been poolin in there poured out over both our dicks, so for a few minutes we were so slick that I had to grip his ass cheeks with my fists in order not to slip off, but then the heat of our bods and the grindin wore the prejizz away, and it was just cock against cock, just skin man, skin against skin, rougher and rougher, harder and harder, I could feel my cock begin to rub raw and that made me grind harder and I wanted that back for him, I wanted to master his cock with mine, to tear into it if I could, so I ground really hard into him, locked my legs around his and ground my massive mantool into his while he arched his hips back and ground up into me, two huge cocks just goin at it man, pushin and grindin into each other, my massive meat against his, and it was like they had a will of their own like two fuckin snakes that could battle forever and we were both moanin and pantin and gruntin hard, goin UHHH UHHHH UHHHHH UHHHH UHHHHH and I could feel his cock swellin and knew mine was too and didn't wanna cum before him, no way, couldn't let him win that way, and tried to pull back and got back just enough so I could look into his eyes and he looked back at me and at that moment he started to cum and I did too, and from deep inside us came the deep moan of man cum, just an AGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH, deep and hard, and with his eyes on mine he reached up his hand behind my head and slammed my mouth into his, so hard that we were both cut a little and I could feel the blood and spit flow between us as we shot our tongues into each other's mouths and the cum kept pouring, pumping out of our dicks, shooting up onto our abs and chests, the white hot jizz washing us, bathing us, making us clean and new for each other, and I knew that as our cum flowed together our sperm was coming together too, that millions of sperm cells were lashing and struggling and locking together and cumming on their own, exploding into each other, and I felt my heart against his, and felt it melt into his, and felt my cock merge with his, and for a moment and then an eternity we were one.

Part X -- After

After we lay on the ground next to each other for a long time, kissin and touchin and playin with each other's dicks that kept getting hard for each other over and over gain.

And then he said my folks are away this weekend, come home with me, and I said sure, and we went to his place, and made love by rubbing cocks for two days solid, front to front, heart to heart, bone on bone, wrestling a little and then making love some more, cumming over and over and over again, our bodies slick with jizz, lickin it up and then kissing deeply, with cummy mouths and jizzy breath, licking each other's pits, suckin up the sweat, and then rubbin cocks again.

So I guess you could say that when we went back to school on Monday we weren't the same dudes who had left the Friday before.

People noticed, but it didn't matter, we didn't stay in school long anyway, we couldn't, we were too different now. So we dropped out -- our parents didn't like it but they couldn't control us -- and we moved out here and got jobs and built a life together.

Part XI -- The End.

The Dude stopped talkin for a bit.

Then he said:

So that was THE FIGHT kid.

Well, see where we're gonna get another Bush for president. Third one of them little asswipes in my lifetime. People never learn do they?

Yeah, Jason and me, we were together 30 years. That's a long time nowadays, what with these plagues and all that global warming bullshit and the fuckin fundies tryin to gun you down. Know how to use a gun, don't you kid? That's good man. Better to die in battle with ur best bud by your side, like them Greek warriors fightin to be free, like that dude Pelopidas used to tell us.

Better that way, kid, much better.

So that's it kid, that was THE FIGHT.

Just one more thing. Remember that English teacher I told you about, Mr. Heaps? Right. Well, he had a friend at the school, another teacher, a woman, younger than him, and pretty too, Miss Mileau. She taught poetry, French, shit like that.

We were in her class and she saw us sitting together, couple days after THE FIGHT, bruised but happy, ya might say, and she made us stay after.

I've got something for you boys she said and she started writing on the board. She wrote these words: Omnia Vincit Amor.

Know what that means? she asked.

We didn't.

She said, it means, Love Conquers All.

Write it down she said. Remember it.

And I did. We both did.

"See Kid?" the Dude asked. "Look at my tat man."

The Kid looked.

Jeremy and Billy. Omnia Vincit Amor

  The End


Jeremy & Billy: A tender moment...after THE FIGHT


Part XII The Fight -- PS Dear Reader,

This story is a fantasy. People who want to compare it to part of the reality of my life can go to my autobiographical article in White Crane Journal or here on the site: Hyacinthine Love .

But that it's a fantasy doesn't make it any less important to me or to the role it played in my life as a boy.

Because I believed in this fantasy, I was able to have the life I did with my lover.

Fantasies and dreams are vital. They give us hope. Without hope, we can't live.

I hope you liked the story.


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