The Bond

Jack had been 24 when he married Marc's widowed mother Anne, herself 32. He didn't mind the difference in their ages. She had a frail, boyish beauty that attracted him strongly, and he loved her. And he loved her son Marc, then only 10, as well.

But four years into their marriage, Anne developed a rare and fast-moving form of cancer. She was dead within a year. Both father and son were torn with grief.

From the first, step-father and step-son had been close. Now the miseries of bereavement deepened that bond.

When Marc graduated from high school and was accepted at State, Jack realized with a sudden wrenching feeling that he would miss the boy, now grown into a strong, handsome 18 year old, terribly. Jack hadn't dated since Anne's death. Rather, all his love had flowed into Marc. They were very close now, but Jack realized that there was something they needed to do. Something that would seal their bond forever.

It couldn't happen at home. Not surrounded by all those memories of their past life. It had to happen elsewhere, he thought, in the forest, in a place blessed by the primeval forces of re-creative nature.

Jack looked at Marc asleep beside him in the tent as the light of morning broke through the trees. It had been a warm night and his stepson had tossed off the top of his sleeping bag to expose his body from his knees up. His left leg was slightly bent and Jack could see the bulge of a morning hard-on in Marc's white jockey shorts. He could see the round ball pocket and the thick shaft rising up at an angle with the outline of Marc's cockhead pressing tightly up against the white cotton.

This was the first time since Marc had matured that Jack had seen Marc's nearly naked body this close. Looking at the youth's handsome form, Jack thought again of how he loved Marc as much as he had loved his mother, and how close a family they had been and still were. Jack recalled the many times after Anne's death that he had held Marc in his arms while Marc shed tears over the loss of his mother, and thought of how closely they had bonded as father and son. Although Marc now was at the age where young people go out and explore the world and make new friends, Marc remained loyal to his relationship with Jack.

Still barely awake, Jack propped himself up on his elbows and looked at Marc's tight muscular body lying next to his. He thought about getting up and making some morning coffee, but he didn't want to leave Marc's side. Being so close he realized how quickly the boy had grown into manhood. Wisps of golden blond hair, slightly mussed from the night's sleep, fell over Marc's forehead, and Jack looked lovingly at Marc's handsome face, now with a tuft of beard on his square, dimpled, chin, and soft two-day-old blond whiskers outlining his firm jaw. Marc had been involved in many sports in high school and it showed on his strong teen body. Powerful shoulders, a well-defined, smooth, muscular chest and six pack abs spoke of how Marc had built his body by weight training in the school gym.

Marc's hard-on reminded Jack forcefully of the reason he had brought them to the mountains. He believed, it had come to him with the force of revelation and he knew it in his gut, that before Marc left for State the bond between them had to be secured sexually, that it was the logical next step in their relationship, and that their bond had to be expressed through a sexuality that was uniquely male. Yet as he sat gazing at the young man beside him Jack questioned whether he would succeed today in introducing Marc to the joys and wonders of the masculine world of cockrubbing, that phallus-to-phallus union that was to Jack the highest expression of love and comradeship between two men.

Would it be possible? Jack asked himself. When Marc was growing up Jack had held and comforted him for one reason or another and he'd never thought of experiencing the young boy in a sexual way.

But as Marc had matured Jack had begun to wonder about Marc's sexuality. Marc didn't really have a girlfriend, but he wasn't "gay" either. Jack knew that Marc jacked off - or at least humped the sheets - a lot because he'd found cum stains on the boy's freshly laundered jockeys and sheets too, even cum stained tissues in the wastebasket of Marc's bedroom, and from time to time he'd heard the muffled moans of his stepson's cumming through the thin wall separating their rooms.

What was in his son's thoughts, Jack wondered, when the jizz coursed through his adolescent balls and shot out of his pure teenboy dick, who or what was he thinking of. As a younger boy Marc had had a fascination with mythology and the Knights of the Round Table. There was a certain seriousness, a moral high-mindedness, to the boy that made Jack love him more, and yet it troubled Jack, for he wondered if his son would ever fit in.

Marc, it seemed to Jack, though in no way a macho kid, could be one of those males who, though attracted to men, might never be fully comfortable in the world of effeminate gay men, yet who would need the special intimacy and love that only one man could bring to another.

Jack wanted Marc to know that such intimacy did exist, and that he could find it - if he knew what to look for.

Though he'd planned this trip for just that reason, it was only while sitting there in the tent that morning that Jack allowed himself to think about what it would be like to experience the male essence and eroticism of their cocks and bodies fully exploring one another's masculinity. Moved then by forces that he himself didn't understand, Jack reached over and let his hand rest just above the top of the mound that rose up in Marc's white briefs. He could feel the heat of Marc's teenage cock and balls, and although he would have liked to put his hand around them, he instead just kept his hand above them and experienced the waves of bodily warmth emanating while Marc slept. Jack wondered what Marc might be dreaming of and if he would see wetness on the white cotton, which was over the tip of the young and bulbous cockhead.

With eyes still closed Marc shifted his body as he began to awake. Jack slowly pulled his hand away, half hoping that Marc would open his eyes and notice. However, his eyes still shut, Marc started to stretch his arms and then put his hands down into his briefs, shifting his hard rod while he rubbed it a few times. He opened his eyes to see Jack sitting up beside him.

"Yep," Marc said as he stretched a few more times and gave out some deep yawns. Looking down at his hard-on he pulled up the top of the sleeping bag to cover himself and looked at Jack sheepishly.

"I get those too," Jack said, and after some hesitation, went on, feeling a little uncertain and unsure, "If they don't go away, I take care of them, if you know what I mean."

Jack felt a surge of relief as he realized that the candor that characterized the rest of their relationship was now about to extend to their sexuality too.

Marc continued, "I get them every morning and used to get them sometimes riding the bus to school. I'd even get them just sitting in class." "You didn't jack off in school, did you?" asked Jack. "Oh, no, I thought about going into a stall in the bathroom and taking care of it, but I never did. I know some guys who have though." "Oh, yeah," asked Jack, feeling slightly aroused, "how do you know?" Marc raised his eyebrows and smiling said, "Well, one day while I was taking a piss I realized that Jimmy was in a stall." Jack nodded. Jimmy was an easy-going, dark-haired kid whose good looks went well with Marc's own. Marc went on: "I was the only other guy in the bathroom at the time and Jimmy opened the stall door and whispered over to me, 'Hey Marc, look at this.' When I turned around I could see he had a big old hard on and was jackin' it as he sat on the toilet seat with his shorts and jeans down to his ankles." "What did you do?" Jack asked. "Well," Marc said, "I just stared at him and he smiled back while he held his one hand under his balls and was workin his cock with the other. Then he threw his head back and said, 'I'm going to shoot a mean load, Marc, watch.' Whacking his meat hard he then started to shoot his cum all over himself - mostly on his shirt. As he was cleaning up with toilet paper he winked at me and closed the stall door."

"Did you ever feel like joining him?" asked Jack. "Well, to be honest there was another day when Jimmy and I were in the bathroom alone and I was really horny. Jimmy was in the stall with the door open and he was playing with his dick. I knew he was going to jack off and thought about whippin on mine too. While I watched him jackin' his cock, I started to rub mine. I saw he wasn't looking at me so I pulled my dick out and started to work it. Jimmy's eyes were closed and he was biting his lower lip and he was jackin' away. I got a big old hard-on real quick, but just then the bell for the next class rang. I knew a couple guys would be coming in so I whipped my cock back in my jeans quick, zipped up and left. Hell, I couldn't wait until I got home to jack off. My balls hurt all afternoon too."

"Well, sort of," replied Marc. "I was with my friend Mike in a movie and there was this hot guy and this chick makin out on the screen. My cock got hard and I started to rub it through my jeans. I heard Mike make a slight moaning sound and as I looked over I could see he was rubbing his cock too. I looked at him and our eyes met. It was like we both knew what the other was doing, but we didn't say anything. Then I think we both came at the same time as we were looking at each other. By the time I got home my dick was stuck to my pants."

Marc was silent for a moment. Then he asked, "Dad, did you ever jack off with any of your buddies when you were my age? I heard about something called circle jerks."

"To be honest, son, yes," Jack replied with an embarrassed grin on his face. Then he got serious and said, "A couple buddies of mine and me were into what's called cockrubbing.

Jack took a deep breath: "Well son, it's something some men do together. It's a sort of bonding experience. The ancient Greeks did it, and actually I don't doubt they still do today in Greece. It's a way of experiencing other men different from the kind of male contact you have in football or wrestling. Actually it's kind of like wrestling. Although it's a homosexual activity in a sense, it doesn't equate with being "gay." Men have been experiencing one another this way for centuries. As you know us guys get these waves of being horny almost everyday and sometimes a number of times in any given day. It's just our testosterone - that's all it is. Most women don't experience the frequency and maybe intensity of the kind of horniness us guys do. Jackin off is a way of taking care of it, but jackin off with a good buddy is much more intense, because we know what our buddy is experiencing. Two men grabbing a hold of one another's cocks or putting their cocks together is an incredible experience. It's like something magical happens. It's so intense that it's almost as if the two sets of male molecules are bonded and the two of you become one. When two guys are cockrubbing all their bodies are touching: thighs, abs, groins, stomachs, and chests touch and when you wrap your arms around one another and look into one another's eyes it's like a series of explosions of male eroticism that goes way beyond cumming. It's a whole-body sexual feeling, not just something in your head.

"A guy can receive intense gratification from experiencing another man's sexuality, especially with a buddy you're close with. At the same time it's coupled with body sensations that can't be explained in words, and is very different from the body sensations a man feels with a woman regardless of how intense that intimacy is."

Jack's words had held Marc rapt with attention. Now Marc said, "That's incredible." Then he grew quiet and looked embarrassed. "Can I tell you something Dad?" he asked.

"Well, sometimes, you know, instead of jerking off, I sorta - well, I put my pillow under me and hump the sheets - does that make me weird?"

"No son," Jack said, and laughed just a little. "I like humping the sheets myself - it's a great way to get off."

Marc grinned and looked really relieved. Then he turned away his head and went on. "Well, yeah, but sometimes I think of what it would be like to have another guy there with me, maybe under me, our cocks touchin the way you said, feelin our bodies so close - just the way you said."

Marc was silent for a moment. Then he went on. "But I didn't know anybody actually did it for real, Dad."

Jack took Marc's hand and looked deep into his blue eyes. "They do son, they do. Men do it Marc, and they do it for real."

By this time both of them had raging hard-ons. Jack badly wanted to touch the boy, but he wasn't sure Marc was ready. Then Marc grinned at him and said, "I have to take a wicked morning piss." "So do I!" said Jack. Both of them left the tent, not bothering to put on jeans - the area Jack had chosen for them was very remote, and there was no one else for miles. They went to the back of their campsite, barefooted and in their shorts, to the determined piss-tree. They whipped out their cocks and shot out long steady streams of hot piss, both expressing sighs of relief. It felt great to be pissing under the blue sky and green trees, both men felt free and alive, their honest talk about sex had left them both exhilarated. Jack suddenly knew exactly what he wanted and looking over at Marc said, "Here let me hold it for you while you piss." "Sure," said Marc, grinning and picking up on his Dad's mood, "if I can hold yours." Holding one another's cocks they streamed arcs of golden liquid into the dense underbrush by the tree. Then Marc looked into Jack's eyes and Jack into his, neither saying a word to the other. Marc felt a strange sensation throughout his body he'd never experienced before as Jack held his semi-hard cock. With his fingers wrapped around his dad's cock Marc could feel the vibration of the piss streaming through it. When they finished they shook each other's cocks as they would their own and Jack said smiling, "Good to the last drop!" That made them both start laughing.

After coffee and while eating breakfast Marc asked Jack if he could tell him more about cockrubbing. "Well, Marc, as I said there are no words that can really explain how it feels. The best thing is to experience it," Jack said, looking his son straight in the eye.

Marc's eyes widened, but he returned his Dad's stare. After a moment he raised one eyebrow and said, "Would it be okay if I experienced it with you?"

Jack felt a surge of warmth shoot through his body. "Are you sure you want to?" he asked.

Marc looked serious and nodded: "Yeah - I'd like to try it Dad." He hesitated for a moment, then went on, "But, if I don't like it, can we stop?"

"Yes, we'll only go as far as you feel comfortable," Jack said reaching over the picnic table and putting his hand on top of Marc's. They stayed that way for a moment, still looking deep into each other's eyes.

Then Jack said, "Let's wash up first. I'll start to heat up some water and you get the basin and towels and put them in the tent.

Marc felt his heart racing as he straightened up the tent to make room for putting towels down for them to sit on. He was excited and a little scared. Marc had always treasured his closeness to his step-dad. His natural father hadn't much been there for him, and after his death Marc had yearned for a strong masculine presence in his young boy's life. When his Mom had met Jack Marc had been very happy - he wanted her to marry him, he knew that he wanted this man around him forever. And Jack had been so kind to him, almost like a brother at times, a comrade whose friendship he'd cherished.

But for years, despite the attraction he felt for Jack, Marc hadn't allowed himself to think sexually about him. And holding Jack's cock while they pissed together was the first time he'd ever touched Jack that way. Of course, he'd seen him naked before in the shower and as a boy often wondered if his little dick would get as big as Jack's. But when he'd hit puberty he'd suddenly had strong sexual feelings about Jack that he'd quickly suppressed, because, he thought, Jack belonged to his mother. Now he could sense those feelings coming back powerfully, roaring through his chest and cock and balls.

At 32 Jack was still a very handsome man, and Marc had often quietly admired his step-dad's good looks. Before he'd met Anne Jack had worked as a logger, and he had a powerful, rangy, frame. For the last 8 years he'd supported his little family doing carpentry, and his body was in superb shape. He was just a little darker complexioned than Mark, with light brown hair and gray eyes. More often than not he had a line of dark manly stubble on his jaw and chin, and his beautifully sculpted chest was covered with a rich brown fur. As a boy Marc had loved being held by his father, letting his face graze the tuft of hair poking through Jack's shirt, feeling Jack's lean, strong, muscular arms around him, smelling his father's skin.

Now Marc allowed himself to wonder what it would be like to feel his father's bare chest against his own, what it would feel like to hold his father the way his dad had held him, what it would be like to have his father's big cock hard against his own.

His excitement growing, Marc quickly got the plastic bottle of biodegradable soap and put it next to the empty basin in front of the towels. And he put down two other folded towels, to dry themselves with afterwards, next to the ones opened up on the floor of the tent.

Then Jack brought in the hot water and poured it into the basin. Marc was suddenly afraid. He'd been hard, but now he felt his cock getting soft. Jack sensed his son's mood. He looked deep into Marc's eyes again, then tenderly kissed him on the forehead. Marc was silent, but he began to relax.

Jack knew he had to take charge. He hugged Marc gently, then said, "Take off your shorts son, and sit down."

Marc stripped and sat down with his legs crossed. After taking off his shorts Jack sat down too, legs crossed also and facing Marc. Jack poured some of the almond scented soap into the water and the aroma quickly engulfed the inside of the tent. Dipping a wash cloth into the hot scented water he started to gently wipe Marc's face. "Feels good, doesn't it son?" he said as he wiped Marc's neck and then down to his shoulders before dipping the cloth into the water again. "Oh, yeah, Dad. This feels great," Marc sighed. Then Marc dipped his cloth into the water and did the same to Jack as Jack was wiping down Marc's tightly muscled and well-defined chest. Lifting Marc's arm Jack started to wipe under his son's blonde hairy armpits and down his side. Then Jack instructed Marc to turn around while he washed his back all the way down to the top of the crack of his young butt. In turn Marc did the same and Jack felt the strength of Marc's hand as he washed his Dad's muscular back.

Facing one another again Jack spread his legs out straight this time, and motioned for Marc to do the same. As a result Marc's legs were on top of Jack's and their cocks and balls were only inches from one another's. Jack reached down and gently took hold of Marc's balls from underneath. Marc's dickhead now lay on Jack's wrist while Jack started to wipe Marc's blond pubic hairs, between his legs, and the heavy scrotal sac he held in his hand, with the warm almond-scented cloth. As Jack wiped Marc's cock it slowly engorged with blood and began to thicken, making his cock head move up above Jack's wrist and above the hand which still held Marc's massive hairy balls. Jack looked up from what he was doing and saw that Marc, with arms stretched back and bracing himself from behind, was looking at him. Jack moved his butt up closer to Marc and as he let go of Marc's balls they fell on top of Jack's thickening cock. Shocked by that first contact, Marc froze for a moment and his balls withdrew into his body, but as Jack nodded to him and said that it was okay Marc relaxed again and his balls once again filled their sac, now resting on Jack's hardening cock. Marc then straightened up and started to wipe Jack's crotch area with his warm wet cloth. At the first touch of the warm liquid, Jack's cock got rigid as hell and plowed further under Marc's balls. Marc sighed as he felt the heat of Jack's hard cock pushing against his body. As he looked into Marc's eyes Jack could see that Marc had already begun to feel the sensations he had tried to explain to him.

Marc moved his body closer to Jack's and with washcloth in hand he reached up from Jack's crotch area and put his arms around Jack's shoulders. Jack reached down and with one hand held their two sets of balls together in the palm of his hand, and with the other grasped their two rigid cocks and held them together. He moved his hand up so that both their cockheads were held tightly against one another. Jack could feel the thickening dribbles of pre-cum from both their cocks and started to run his index finger across both their lubed-up mushroom-thick cockheads. The effect on both men was intense. Waves of eroticism, which felt like jolts of electricity to Marc, shot from his cockhead down his cock shaft and into his groin and stomach and then spread to all parts of his body. Jack felt the same and both father and son moaned softly. Marc's back went rigid and as Jack rubbed their cockheads again Marc pulled Jack tighter and closer to him.

They were still looking in one another's eyes, and their lips were only centimeters away from one another. Marc could feel Jack's hot breath on his face. He began to salivate and wanted to taste Jack's mouth. Almost imperceptibly their lips met, gently touching one another while Jack began to slowly move his hand up and down around their cocks while still running his finger across their cockheads wet with pre-cum. Jack could feel Marc's hold on him tighten, and he started to roll both pairs of balls in his hand, moving his fingers randomly and making their balls rub and bounce against one another.

Marc's body was alive with powerful erotic sensations, like surges of electricity. His cock was harder than it had ever been and he didn't want these feelings to stop. Although he had intense feelings of wanting to shoot a load another part of him wanted to continue and prolong these passionate feelings he was having for the first time. He could sense that his Dad was not in a hurry either. He took one arm from around Jack and put his hand atop of Jack's hand that was holding their cocks together. His hand joined Jack's in the slow stroking motion, and with that their lips pressed against one another and immediately tongues were thrust deep into one another's hot moist mouths. Their eyes remained open and it was as if they were looking into a deeper part of one another, a part that neither had ever seen or explored. Jack continued to tighten his grasp on both their sets of balls and the stroking of their cocks became more intense as both of them tightened their grips. Their cockheads surged with sensations as they touched over and over with each stroke.

After a short time Jack let go of their balls and put his arm around Marc holding him super tight. By now their chests were touching, and saliva was dripping from their writhing open mouths. Feeling his father's fur against his own smooth teen chest drove Mark wild. His cock harder than he'd ever known it, he tensed his strong muscular pecs and rubbed them against his Dad's, feeling their hard nips find each other, catching then releasing each other, and sensing every hair on his father's virile chest. Jack tensed his pecs too, and both men moaned at the sensation of chest to chest and heart to heart contact while their cocks surged with blood.

Both men were breathing hard now, and Jack moved his hand away from their cocks and motioned to Marc for him to continue stroking both rock-hard rods. Jack then placed the palm of his hand atop both cockheads, which were still oozing gobs of pre-cum. With a circular motion he rubbed both their now slippery throbbing knobs sending arcs of male erotic energy through their bodies as if being welded together. The effect was too powerful, it was too much for Marc's teen hormones to handle. Marc moaned deeply and with his lips still joined to his Dad's mouthed and mumbled, "I'm going to cum, Dad. I'm going to shoot my load." And with that Jack felt the explosion of Marc's cum on the palm of his hand, felt it splatter outward onto his own cock and both their legs and stomachs. Almost immediately Jack's jism burst out of his own cock slit and up against the palm of his hand which also splattered all over both of them and dripped down onto Marc's hand as well.

Moaning and panting, Jack and Marc felt the incredible power of their cumming cocks pulsating against one another, jism still spurting out and dripping down. Breathing hard, Jack was tempted for a moment to put the palm of his cum splattered hand up to their mouths for them to both lick, he wanted them to share that essence, but he knew that he must not give his beloved son a lesson in unsafe sex.

So he took their two cum-covered hands instead and grasped them tightly together, moving his mouth to Marc's ear and whispering "Our cum, son, joins us as men forever." Marc moaned "Oh yes Dad" and tightened his grip on his father's calloused hand. The two stayed for long moments grasping hands and each other tightly, feeling their combined father-son essence melting and merging together.

Then Jack gently took his left cum-soaked hand and placed it on Marc's heart, and Marc did the same for his Dad. They looked deep into each other's eyes, and felt their pure masculine energy flowing from heart to heart.

After a time, still holding onto Jack, Marc laid his head atop Jack's shoulders. Jack reached up and began to stroke his hair while still holding Marc close to him. The smell of their mutual male musk and sweat overpowered the scent of the almond soap that had earlier filled the tent. Their breathing finally slowed and after a few minutes, still holding onto one another, they allowed themselves to fall atop the sleeping bags on the floor of the tent. Their sweaty bodies outstretched and with arms still wrapped around one another they held their bodies together feeling their thick, semi-limp cocks touching and sticking to one another with the glue-like moisture of their mutual jism.

They lay that way for a time, not saying a word, but wrapped together in the sort of embrace that Marc had never experienced before. He felt warmth and comfort, but more importantly he felt a love for Jack in a very different way than he ever had, and he didn't want it to stop. He felt bonded to Jack and didn't want to let go of him for fear that he would feel empty in his aloneness, and so he tightened his hold. Jack felt Marc's body almost grinding into him and he could feel that his cock was once again starting to thicken and grow. Feeling Jack's cock growing again Marc gasped and felt the energy mounting in his own cock too. He could feel Jack's cock pushing under his balls and between his legs. He tightened his thighs embracing Jack's cock while Jack began to pump his hips. Marc could feel the hard piece of man-meat pumping under his balls and between his legs. "Oh, oh, yeah Dad!" Marc called out as he began to move his hips in rhythm with Jack's. Marc could feel the pounding of both their hearts as their chests pressed ever more tightly together. He also felt sensations racing through his body from top to bottom, from inside to outside. He moved his head up so that he could look once again into Jack's eyes and wide-eyed he gasped, "Dad. I feel you. I feel all of you. I never felt anything like this before. I love you Dad, I love you." With that Jack clamped his lips upon Marc's and reached down and pulled his cock from between Marc's legs so that their two cocks were rubbing against one another. The ecstatic energy of pure cockrub flowed through them and their bodies writhed in unison. They were as one organism, one great masculine being, pulsating on the floor of the tent. The male sex energy they were sharing grew and grew until they reached that height of mutual experience where they felt all their male molecules fused as one. Sweat poured off both their bodies acting as lubricant and enabling them to even more intensely experience one another's most erotically sensitive areas. Marc could feel what seemed like electrical charges in Jack's thighs, his abs, pecs, shoulders and even his arms. Animal-like moans and groans emanated from deep within their throats. Their bodies were thrown from one end of the tent floor to the other as they were grinding into one another. It was as if they were lost in an incredibly intense spiritually oriented vortex of energy. Neither knew where their own reality began or ended as jolts of mutual masculinity shot through them.

Although he sensed his body wanting to cum, Marc's focus was on the union that was happening between him and his Dad. Still thrusting his cock against Marc's Jack moved his head down and started to suck on Marc's chin and then down his neck until his lashing tongue reached Marc's chest. Licking and sucking one nipple and then the other Jack then raised one of Marc's arms and started to lick and wet his armpits. Marc had never felt anything like this before and his hips gyrated fiercely into Jack's. Jack continued to lick the whole of Marc's chest and armpit areas, first one then the other. As this was happening Marc moved his head so that he could bury his face in Jack's hair. Both were frantically exploring one another, bodies pulsating, cocks pulsating with bolts of energy that shot through their bodies and seemed to fill the tent. Jack moved his lips back to Marc's neck and began biting and teasing the tender flesh over the rich veins. Marc groaned and did the same to his dad. Both men wanted to wear the other's mark and they bit with abandon. Jack felt a sudden desperate longing for Marc's mouth. "Kiss me son, kiss me, please," he pleaded. Marc said, "Oh yeah dad," and clamped his mouth on Jack's, their tongues frantically exploring and tasting, the spit flowing freely between them. They felt both their beings and bodies merge and at that moment the sensation of union became so intense that with what felt like being hit with lightening their cocks exploded again and again with the white hot creamy man juice that came not just from within their ball sacs, but deep from within their being, saturating the two loving warriors in their most sacred male essence, uniting them as men forever.

Their bodies continued to undulate together for a long time, until their heavy chests rolled to a gentle rhythm. Cum had shot everywhere and they stayed embraced and were glued together with the thick liquid of their man love-juice. Both men felt waves of unconditional love that flowed from one to the other, they felt bathed, warmed, and comforted in that love. Through this new level of union Jack realized that his love for Marc had matured, he knew in his heart that they'd now become warrior brothers. And Marc too realized he'd been transformed, transported from the world of a teenager into the world of men. Lying there embraced with his dad Marc knew his life had changed and that he would never be the same. It felt to him as if he had been transfigured and had entered into another dimension, a dimension where he at last knew what it truly feels like to be a man.

Jack and Marc are a fantasy of mine on several different levels. On one level I, as many of our brothers, did not/do not have a healthy relationship with my father. I had to learn how to fill the empty hole in my "self" that was left by my father because he did not know how to parent. Although a hard worker and provider for the family's basic needs he also was a "reward alcoholic." As a result of a lot of hard work, putting myself through college and graduate school as well as some therapy, I became my own father. (I did some work with Robert Bly). I have filled the hole that I had to live with growing up. Relative to the story, I would like to mentor/father a younger man who has the same need, and finds himself attracted to men as opposed to women. Generally these younger men, as you well know opt for any of several possible routes; they go in either the direction of denying their male attractions, thus burying these feelings which is very detrimental to the psyche, and succumb to the pressure to marry (which not only is detrimental to the man, but to his wife and children, if any). Others enter the gay community and lose themselves and their own identity, while still others take the "alone" or "loner" route.

Although very social I elected to take the "alone/loner" route. I could not identify with the "straight" community and found most social situations boring especially with "the guys." I also could not identify with the "gay" community and found most social situations also boring, plus although Judy Garland was a great singer I never went "ga-ga" over her, nor did the color purple do anything for me.

I identify myself as a man, masculine and have no difficulty expressing what some call the feminine side of my self. I don't believe a man who likes to cook is feminine, nor do I think a man who likes to oil paint, appreciates the beauty of nature, uses the word cutlery instead of knives, likes serious music, etc., or decorates his living space to his liking as feminine either. I am attracted to other masculine men and never looked for a "heterosexual" relationship/marriage model for myself. I always looked for a relationship with another man that is similar to those developed between men in the military, in sports (taking out the violence), and other challenging life situations where cooperation is called for.

So I do not identify with the "straight/breeder" community, nor do I relate to the "gay" community either, and I know there are other men out there that feel the same, but maybe feel alone.

When I used to go to the Castro Station Bar in San Francisco there was a young man who came into the community and started hanging out at the bar. He had a very masculine bearing, but I observed over a period of time, because of the people he elected to "hang out" with his behavior became more "gay," more "effiminate," more flamboyant. One night I found myself talking to him and unsolicited he began to relate to me how he did not like how he had begun to act. I was able to give him support to embark on a journey of finding his true self.

Now, on another level I can say that there most likely, deep in my psyche, is a "want" of a step-dad. I know not too deep in my psyche is a "want" of a good buddy that I could put my head on his shoulders in order to take a break from some of the intense challenges of life when they hit from time to time. Because I have had to care for myself all my life I became a "take charge" person. There are times I would like someone else to take charge. I think deep within many men exist this same desire.

Mentoring a younger man would not necessarily be a challenge for me, nor would it be something I would need to take a break from. I have worked harmoniously with others in different situations and I have found it more energizing than draining. I also believe there are many young men who would welcome guidance/mentoring/fathering as they move into adulthood, especially in today's world. This I believe is the basis for my writing these kinds of stories.

However the reality of being a Cockrub Warrior is most desirable because I like the equality of it. So, on the one hand I could feel comfortable mentoring a younger man, I also could function in what I call a "good buddy" relationship that emphasizes "equality," with frottage defining our physical/sexual closeness.