Mike

Re: I agree

12-30-2002

Tom,

I agree with your message. I, too, have tried anal and did not find it agreeable. I supposed I could continue to "shop around", but why? I've tried to top and while I do find it enjoyable, I can only think of the pain I must be causing so I don't enjoy myself. The only type of true pleasure that's not mixed with guilt due to pain is from frottage. Yes, I find few gay men are into frottage only so I share your frustration. I'm just beginning my journey into this new world that I stumbled upon and I'm sure it will include its share of let-downs, but I won't let it get me down. I hope you won't either.

Bill Weintraub

Re: I agree

12-31-2002

hey Tom -- thank you for sharing your story

and Mike -- thank you for your warm and very beautiful words of support

Tom, Mike's right that you have to be strong and not allow the difficulties of finding other guys into Frot get you down

and you need to remember that the problems that come with doing anal are far worse than a relative absence of partners

because you're young, and you're gonna get hit on to do anal alot

guys will say, "you have a really nice ass" and "i'd really like to fuck you," more times than you'll be able to count

and more than a few will make butt-fucking the price of a relationship

so you'll need to find the strength to say no, i'm into frot, i don't do anal

and be clear that if someone loves you, he won't ask you to do something you don't want to do

i hope that you'll spend more time on the site, and read as many of the posts on our Personal Stories board and in Warriors Speak as you can

and i hope too that you'll try to build up a network of frot friends -- not necessarily sexual partners -- but friends who will support you in your choices

because what we're all facing is peer pressure -- and that's hard to resist alone

you can do it -- most of us in the club have been alone in our choices for most of our lives -- but it's the point of this site to end that isolation and help guys like yourself remain true to who you are

finally:

you can't get fucked and retain your masculinity

and you can't fuck, as Mike just said, and retain your humanity

so i'm saying that getting fucked diminishes you

and Mike's saying fucking diminishes you

and we're both right

the "gay male community" will tell you that i'm homophobic for saying what i do

but i've been a gay activist for 30 years, and i'm not homophobic

i'm telling it like it is

i'm not saying that guys who fuck or get fucked should be beat up, or lose their jobs, or be denied housing

but i am saying that fucking takes a physical, psychological and spiritual toll, that no man benefits from butt-fucking, and that gay men will be far better off when they abandon the practice

not least because of disease

there are few more efficient means of spreading disease than anal penetration

and even assplay is dangerous -- ask any safer-sex counselor

Frot is true man2man sex -- cock2cock and dick2dick, it's genital, safe, hot, equal, and masculine

anal is dangerous, dirty, and demeaning

and i hope you never do it again