Buddha

Frottage, So That's What It's Called?

8-29-2004

I just can't believe that I have never seen your site before. I spent over 3 hours reviewing your site and still have not covered it. But the content certainly rings a bell in my life.

Having grown up in small towns in Western Pa. in the 50's, I really can't remember having a name for it except for "wrestling". My brother turned me on to "wrestling" when I was about 9 or 10. He was just 19 months older than I. But he was old enough for our parents to trust him to watch me when they went out. After a couple of years of that, I also had to give him bj's which I did not like but did anyways so that he would continue to "wrestle". I remember getting a hard cock, such as it was at that age and really enjoyed the feeling. When I was 13, our parents became house parents in an orphanage in the country outside of Gettysburg. We lived in a house with about 12 other boys. Wow! I had a few others to "wrestle" with. But with one boy in particular, I noticed that when we were rolling around on top of each other, my pants would be wet after. I really did not know what it was but I knew I did not pee my pants. One year later, we moved to another small town in Western Pa. to another orphanage with about 12 other boys. Not realizing it, I was in hog heaven! My brother and I lived in a 3rd floor large room, private from all the others. This allowed us to really enjoy frottage. I learned what cum was by now! And most of the time now, it was either just in our jockeys or butt naked. There were also a couple of the other guys in the house who seemed to know about cock rubbing and who liked it. So I had multiple partners to play with. My jeans were constantly wet. Not sure what my mother thought, doing laundry, she never said anything.

After graduating, I ended up in Bob Jones University, God only knows how. And even in this extremely religious institution, I was able to find frottage partners. But duty called and I ended up at Travis AFB in Ca. No matter where I went I always seemed to have a frottage partner to rub cocks with.

Anal sex has never been appealing to me. I found out what Gay was and came out in San Francisco in 1968 at the age of 24. I had more than my share of anal sex but not because I wanted to. Those of you who were in any large city in those days know what I am talking about. Anal was predominate along with blowjobs. And it was so accessible there. I lived a half block off Polk Street (cruising was a 24 hour pastime on this street) so my apartment had an open door policy! In those days, if you didn't want to participate in anal or bj's, you could be left out in the cold when it came to sexual release. After leaving San Francisco for Florida in 1972, I pretty much became a hermit. And then later, aids came on the scene and that really scared me, so I just "hid" deeper and deeper.

I am 60 years old and for the past 30 years, I have been sexually abstinent, except for a few 1 night stands out of frustration and a 6 year affair with a "straight" neighbor which was strictly a blowjob affair. Thank goodness it was recipricol. It was strange though, he wanted to have anal intercourse, also reciprocal, but I just could not bring myself to perform. I admit I did try to enter him one night, but could not keep my cock hard enough long enough. And I don't ever have trouble keeping my cock hard. I also refused to have intercourse with him when he was the aggressor. Top or bottom, I'm not interested.

The years of abstinence has taken a toll on my ability to socialize in any way now. I find it difficult to meet new people. I am sure it has to do with a fear of rejection. I am working on improving my self-image and now that I know there are many others out there that find cock rubbing can be totally sexually satisfying, I am going to do my best to find my hero! Thanks for giving me a new outlook on life!

Bill Weintraub

Re: Frottage, So That's What It's Called?

8-29-2004

Thank you Buddha

Over the last four years, we've heard from so many men like you that we can say with confidence that your story -- in its general outline -- is a common one among Frot Men *who are gay-identified*, and it goes like this:

1. Kid discovers Frot early in life, loves it, has fun.

2. In puberty, frot feelings intensify, and if the guy is lucky, he has a Frot Bud or Frot Buddies.

3. As the guy begins to realize he's gay, he usually loses contact with those buddies, most of whom are "straight."

4. The guy comes out -- and discovers that Frot is denigrated and he's expected to do anal.

This is very traumatic, and guys respond in one of four ways:

1. They go along to get along and do anal, even though they don't like it -- for men of our generation, that decision was sometimes fatal -- as in the case of my late lover.

2. They stop having sex and become celibate.

3. They turn or return to heterosex and marry a woman.

4. They refuse to do anal and have a lot fewer partners -- not necessarily a bad thing -- and undertake an intensive search for a Frot Brother / lover.

Now, some people, like Buddha, can go through more than one stage -- some guys go through all four.

So Buddha has done stage 1 and stage 2 -- and Buddha guy I want to emphasize that many Frot Men, faced with the hostility of both gay and straight culture, turn to abstinence and celibacy -- you're not unique and certainly not alone in what you did.

And it's not the worst choice -- it may have saved your life.

Now you're at stage 4 -- and my take on it is, if you're honest and persistent, you may well find the man you're looking for.

So you're not alone, and I hope you'll find a Frot Brother and friends as well.

Only question I have about your post is that you say that anal was very common in SF in 68.

Most observers say that oral predominated until the early to mid-70s.

I'm not arguing with you -- I'm just curious -- do you remember there being a change -- did anal become more common as time went on?

Or is it your feeling that in SF and on Polk St at least, anal was expected as early as 68?

Cause one of the things we know is that, contrary to what the analists believe, anal has not always been king.

And we know we're right in general.

But there may be places where anal has been in power a looooooooong time.

In my experience in Boston in the 70s -- anal didn't take off till the mid-70s. Which is what Gabriel Rotello says in his classic Sexual Ecology: AIDS and the Destiny of Gay Men.

Prior to the mid-70s, sex was a smorgasbord and "do your own thing" held sway.

But it's difficult to know for sure what was happening everywhere because what data we have from the era is probably not reliable -- most people simply would not admit to being gay -- even in a putatively anonymous setting.

So we're left with recollections, such as Jack Nichols' that in the 50s and 60s anal was denigrated and oral was king.

Doesn't really matter.

What's important now is to end the cultural domination of anal sex and begin the reconstruction of gay male culture.

Thanks again Bhudda.

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