Fergus Purcell

The Pinnacle of M2M Love: An Honest Admission

8-19-2002

Hey there,

The following is both an honest admission and a thank-you.

I am gay and 23, but have never had a partner to date. I dont know what to put that down to, I came out at 17, but finding gay blokes my own age seems impossible somehow.

Although I can relate completely to a lot of what both you and others have posted on this site about early experiences, etc, I cannot contribute any, as I have had none to date.

I'd like it to be known, that I do in fact feel ashamed and saddened by that fact, and hey, I could have lied about it, but this stuff is all about the truth and that's something I have no issues with.

But..I'd rather be a lonely single young gay man, than a closeted anal-sex-pushing fuckhead.

Since I knew I was gay, I have only wanted a loving intimate relationship, but one that is equal, strong, and safe.

Frottage could give me all those things. Without question.

Every fantasy I have ever had is either about wrestling or a frottage-based scenario, etc. For something that I never saw or heard about from other people, or on TV / other media, these feelings were generated totally naturally since I was about 7 years old.

There's no disease, no tug of war issues, just two people who can connect in the most powerful way that two men can be.

The pinnacle of gay love, if you like.

Like any other person, all I knew of was anal and oral, none of which ever appealed to me at all. I always found the idea of anal sex to be intrusive, unequal, and dangerous.

I thought I was alone, until now.

I thought I had gotten it all wrong, that my instincts were faulty, and my emotions weak and distorted.

Now I know that I was right all along, and I can look forward to someday having the relationship and unimaginably great sex that I've always wanted, more than anything else in my life.

After viewing the site in depth, I feel like the way I used to as a kid. I feel like a gay man should be, proud and confident in my sexuality, and hopeful for the future, not reduced to a feminised, HIV-STD ridden failure.

Real men don't dominate their partner, or take it up the ass folks.

And we all know it but don't say it, what century do we live in?

Things ARE changing for gay people in most countries. There is more acceptance of us now more than ever, and we have an increasing number of rights, etc.

Are we too complacent to save ourselves, if so, how come? We dont have it easy in life by any means, and yet we stand by and let the media paint whatever picture of us as they wish, AND WE LET THOSE WHO ENFORCE ANAL SEX AS THE PRIMARY SEXUAL PRACTICE DEPICT WHATEVER TWISTED AND FACTUALLY INCORRECT VISAGE OF THE REST OF US, AS THEY WANT.

WOULD YOU LET SOMEONE SLAP YOU IN THE STREET, OR GIVE BAD PRESS ABOUT YOU BEHIND YOUR BACK?

WHAT'S THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN THAT, AND LETTING THEM GET AWAY WITH IT?

AS WE ALL KNOW, BUT DON'T SAY, anal sex has no end of problems:

What every gay bloke knows, is, that there is nothing natural or instinctive about anal sex. There's no primal rush or anything manly about it whatsoever.

Why can't we all be adults and admit that, just own up and be ourselves and live our lives the way they were meant to be, and enjoy a loving sexual experience with our partners??

It feminises men, it gives pleasure to only those who enjoy dominance and control over another person.

It creates a negative image of gay people to other communities.

Any person, regardless of gender, age, or race, can see that anal sex is a painful practice, and it's directly associated with homophobic attitudes.

This is because the only picture of gay sexual practices that they have ever been shown, is anal and oral sex.

It directly causes the highest numbers of HIV and STD infections anywhere in the WORLD.

It's painful and encourages drug usage among gay/bisexual men.

There's no love or intimacy involved, there's no subtlety or affection present..

Considering all of the above, why do we let ourselves take it up the ass literally?

For those of us who are out and proud in particular, for those of us who are community leaders, and even those who may be involved in gay youth projects:

Yes, we show the straight community that we are proud to be gay, attracted to the same sex, and we do it with defiance, pride, and a fierce show of strength.

But the second it's just ourselves we become passive, weak, and close-minded to the real issue of today that is killing those we love the most.

We revel in endorsing a practice that demotes and reduces us as men, and kills us in the process.

Where's your pride now?

It's down the drain, like the blood in your piss after the HIV has done its job.

You took it up the ass, and then afterwards marched in a parade thinking you were absolved of your guilt, or maybe you laughed in a pub with friends, probably relaying your victory speech of how magnificent you were, when in reality, you laid down like a dog while some bastard used you like toilet paper.

It's surprising what people will put up with, despite being intelligent, compassionate, and "sexually experienced".

What I say is Thank YOU, Bill, for opening my eyes to a brighter future, for making me realise that I am not alone, my thanks and good wishes to those who have added support to this site also, you've got balls guys!

I may be alone for god knows how long, but I'll sleep soundly, live proudly, and promote a better way of life to all I meet, from here in.

Please keep supporting this site, by linking it to your own and those you love, and when you hear about anyone pushing their fascist buttfucking badges, deface them publicly because it is they who keep us down and reduce our numbers!

And to Bill, keep fighting those who would have us believe that we are wrong, and remember that you do not fight alone in what will be a long and bitter war of truth Vs. absolute tyranny and deception.

It is you, who are a credit to us all!

Yours Faithfully,

Gus