Note from Bill:

This beautiful reminiscence, told with such great economy, came to me via email.

When I tried to reply to the writer, however, the email account was no longer active.

What I hope the author will do is get a web-based email account, such as can be found on yahoo.com, so that men who share his dream can write to him.

In the meantime, since I did write a reply, I'm posting it here -- and perhaps he'll see it.

Hi Joe,

Thank you for this very beautiful reminiscence and letter.

In it, you epitomize, with great economy, not just your life experience but that of a great many other men.

Let me comment a bit on what you said:

what an amazing site.

Thank you.

all my life i instinctively knew masculine men could have beautiful relationships.

"Instinctively" is exactly the right word.

It's natural and normal for men to love other men, and we are all born with the knowledge of that capacity.

Culture -- our culture -- suppresses that knowledge.

But it's there.

i met a guy in the army and we wrestled in our shorts until we both came.

That's a common and normal experience -- and wonderful as well.

but it scared the crap out of me. i didn't want to be like "that".

That too is a common and normative reaction -- though of course not so wonderful.

Homosexuality is denigrated in our society, and often, men who are visibly gay are living promiscuous, effeminate lives which center on anal sex.

Such is anathema to most straight-identified men, and to be fair, to many gay-identified men too.

But it's easier for men with strong heterosexual desires to suppress their homosexual wants and needs.

so i suppressed it and never let it happen again. i married and had kids. even though i love my wife and kids and never regret my decision,

Again that's normal -- most guys treasure their wives and kids

i have never lost my desire for that kind of closeness to another man.

No, it's never lost -- again, it can't be because it's part of your nature.

In men who aren't secure in their masculinity it can be perverted -- but it can't be lost.

i still dream that someday i can find another friend like that soldier even though i'm in my late 50's.

Joe, you might be able to.

The question is whether you would want to undertake the search.

If you do, let me know and I'll render what little assistance I can.

i hope you can make a difference in this world so that future generations of men can express their love for each other without the cultural bias that exists today.

Thank you, that's what I'm trying to do, and with the help of guys like yourself, I intend to succeed.

Thank you again.