Tom

My Whole Life.....

10-4-2004

Okay, as if you haven't heard enough from me, I want to tell you another little story (sigh, yes.... I have another one!).

Before I entered my LTR, I was out on the "scene" somewhat. It was the late 70's and early 80's. Rampant sex everywhere. Everyone screwing everyone with little regard for people and feelings. Monogamy? What was that? Of course, I knew what it was. It was what I wanted but... no one was focused in that direction. I would go out to clubs with my friends and everyone was hooking up right and left. And I was no saint, I had my share of hookups, believe me. But no where NEAR as many as my friends and the whole crowd. It left me feeling soooo empty and lonely. No attachments, footloose and fancy free...... GOD I hated it. So, as time went by ... I just pulled back. First of all, I hated fucking. It hurt. It was painful to recieve. And I had no interest in sticking my dick in anyones asshole. I thought I was a total freak, and to many.... I was. So I just pulled back. I pulled away from the scene, pulled away from my friends, pulled back completely from the "gay lifestyle", if you will.

All I could think of is, "Is this what being GAY is about? Is this really what I have to look forward to?"

It seemed that it was. At least, then and there.... it was.

Of course then I found my relationship and for probably 16 of the 18 years I was in it.... it was incredible. It was good. I could focus myself on important things.

However, many of my friends didn't seek out relationships. They didn't pull back from the scene. They didn't pull away from the "lifestyle". I'd ask you to call them up and ask for their perspective on the whole thing but..... I'm afraid you can't do that because..... 90% of them ARE DEAD!

The promiscuity, the buttfuck lifestyle, the instant gratification.... IT KILLED THEM.

My getting disillusioned and dissatisfied with the "scene" and pulling back.... is the reason I'm alive today.

So if that's not a testimonial to the VALUE of this site's stance on sex and values..... then I don't know what is. Period.

Tom