I need some answers



I need some answers


Hey, I'm a struggling Christian who is unsure about his sexual identity. I mean I'm straight, so I like girls...a lot; but I often find myself being pleasured by seeing gay guys kissing and stuff like that. It makes me feel really bad, as a matter of fact; going on this site makes me feel ashamed. Can anyone help me understand what's happening?


Oscar Moreno-Vallejo

Re: I need some answers


Hey JTM!!! I liked the title

"I need some answers"

I know how is that but who doesnīt?

Your initial redundancy is interesting:

"I am a struggling Christian."

I say this because during one year of my life I was a devout christian and about that what I learnt at the church is that to be a christian is to struggle your whole life against a legion of temptations and attacks from "the Devil" and his/her/its? accomplices.

And then you say:

"Who is unsure about his sexual identity"

Ok this is very simple to solve issue. Just look between your legs and if you see a penis and at least one testicle Man you are a man !!! That's your sex. Your sexual identity.

"I mean I'm straight, so I like girls"

Oh you are taking about sexual orientation and the 3 dubious labels used to try to categorize it: Gay Bi Straight. No more no less.

I think they are at least a sadly and hugely over-rated tool created to fulfill murky purposes

As a personal example sometimes I use the words "Homosexual" or "gay" to describe myself emphasizing my intense attraction to men. Nonetheless I am aware that in my case they are inaccurate because I do feel sexually aroused for some kind of women sometimes. But I don't consider myself as a "bisexual man" since this heterosexually-oriented emotions are less intense and far less usual than my same-sex feelings. So now basically I present myself as a "gay man who likes some women" which is a little bit too original ID to use in daily life so frankly now I don't give a damm about those terms anymore.

"...a lot; but I often find myself being pleasured by seeing gay guys kissing and stuff like that."

Ok JTM so thatīs supposed to be mmm ... bad I guess ... right ?

"It makes me feel really bad"

There it is yeah I knew it

I am sorry that you feel that way pal. I can not understand you since I have never felt guilty for my God-given sexual orientation but still I think I can empathize with your not-so-cool emotional situation.

"as a matter of fact; going on this site makes me feel ashamed"

Really ? Oh too bad!

I wonder what part of the "FROT-FIDELITY-MASCULINITY" triad these sites are all about causes you that effect.

Now since you are asking for someone who can "help you understand what's happening" (not a light task by the way ) I think I can tell you this:

Personally when I feel ashamed about doing something I don't keep doing it. Because if I do I feel that I am betraying myself and that can not be ever desirable.

Because I believe in being true to myself as a life creed.

So when I feel that my ideology and my behavior regarding to a subject are not coherent with each other I reconsider both of them over and over based on open impartial and reliable research and most importantly based on my own inner sense of fairness and direction.

And then I proceed to either change my behavior to match it with my ideas or vice versa.

I think that no matter what you do or you don't you have to listen to the voice of your own spirit to help you to decide.

And if you do it JTM -- you are going to know the truth and it will set you free.

That I believe

Best to you buddy --


Oscar Moreno-Vallejo

Robert Loring

Re: I need some answers


Brotherhoods do not exist on a one-way street. This is difficult for some to understand today because in our modern world the general attitude is "It's all about ME....wonderful ME!" But, it is NOT all about "ME"!! It's about US!! So to be a part of "US" one must be supportive of his Brothers and one must be supportive of the "fortress" under which the Brotherhood meets and communes with each other. Brotherhood is NOT about taking. Brotherhood is about mutual GIVING.

So you feel "ashamed" for coming to this site? Why? It is that centuries old Puritan ethic that sex and ANYTHING associated with sex is SINFUL? Especially when it is sex between two men? Yet, as you admit, seeing two guys kissing, etc. pleasures you. That's not confusion my friend. That's CONFLICT! The real you is at war with the part of you that is trying so hard to be what our Puritan hate filled, money worshipping society wants you to be. You are trying to live in two worlds at the same time and it's not working. And, it's NOT going to work. It's not going to work because our UNNATURAL society is battling against everything in a man that is NATURAL.

I suppose you think somewhere in the back of your mind that if you just be the YOU that God created you to be that hell-fire-and brimstone await you. That's the garbage that has come out of the pulpits BUT that is NOT what the Bible says. Confused? Then listen to God speaking in your heart but first set aside all the Puritan garbage you've been fed and realize that the Puritans were INSANE and PSYCHOTIC especially when it came to matters of sexuality in ANY form.

Sir Robert

Bill G

Re: I need some answers


Hey Confused,

The search for knowledge and truth about one's self or anything for that matter should never make you feel ashamed.

I don't really know what else to say to you , because I don't really know what you're trying to find out. The biggest obstacle to that is labels such as Bi, gay, straight. It took me years to figure that one out.

We humans are complex critters, we can be attached by many aspects of another person, her body, his build, her personality, his companionship..etc, not just a desire to spread one's genetic material.

Now if you're like I was, attracted to men, but afraid that would make you, what the popular culture has termed "Gay" or "Queer", with it's attendant feminization, promiscuity, and overall unmasculine behavior, then I understand your confusion. The modern portrayal of men who are attracted to other men is terrible. It tries to tell you that if you like another guy, then you must be a drag-queen, or a fem bitch boy, or have a bitchy streak in you , or like/want to sleep around with everyone, or want to be dominated by a daddy etc. All of that is CRAP.

As you'll see if you read more on this site, history and modern times are filled with men who are not like that. In fact it is my opinion that this portrayal of "Gay lifestyle" is a very tiny , but vocal minority, but it is the one that everyone goes to , to serve their agendas.

I hope you will be able to find out how you feel and end your confusion.

Best of luck on your journey

Bill G

Greg Milliken

Re: I need some answers


I often find myself being pleasured by seeing gay guys kissing and stuff like that. It makes me feel really bad

Well, confused. I think I've properly identified your problem. You have identified your own pleasure, but somewhere along the line someone else told you that your pleasure is WRONG.

I'm not sure who told you this, or why they did, but it's obvious to me they wouldn't be able to predict that you would have this pleasure to begin with if they weren't experiencing it themselves.

So the question you have to ask yourself is: will their life make you happy? It's obvious that they aren't happy on their own, or they wouldn't be telling you how to live and what not to do. So you have to ask yourself: can I be happy living in a way that has not provided happiness for thousands or millions of others?

Because there are thousands of people out there proclaiming the "sins of homosexuality". They don't know why they do it, they just know that their lives are miserable and the only way they can make themselves feel better about that is to ruin yours.

You are faced with a choice. You can go along with them and perpetuate the problem, ruining your own life and countless others as you more and more feel the need to control other peoples' lives to be satisfied with your own.

Or you can set yourself free. And in so doing break the chain of misery and death that has taken hold of Christianity.

Do what you will, but the shame and guilt you feel over what you have correctly identified as your own pleasure will never go away. Not until you decide to make it go away.

Greg Milliken

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