No more Fear



No more Fear


I'm glad I discovered this website. You guys are truly inspiring!

I'm a little embarrassed to admit that I spent several years trying to "enjoy" anal sex in order to fit in with what others expected of me. In retrospect I think it was a fear of rejection that made me conform to the practice. I dreaded the inevitable "so do you wanna top or bottom?" question. My mind screamed "NEITHER!" but I was too afraid to say it. The fact that I rarely enjoyed one night stands didn't make me very popular either. I wondered if I would ever find a monogamous life partner in such a promiscuous and anally obsessed world.

Finally, at about 25 years of age I decided I wasn't going to play the game any more. I refused to have sex on the first date and made it very clear that I wasn't into penetration. This definitely sorted out the men from the boys and it certainly paid off!

I'm happy to say I've been in a monogamous relationship with a wonderful man for 7 years now. Funnily enough, my partner's definition of sex revolved almost entirely around fucking before we met. He loved me so much though, that he was willing to try things my way in the sack - and he's never looked back!

My advice to others who may feel alienated by gay society's sexual norms is this: Don't be afraid! Stick to your principles and never let fear of rejection sway you. Truly meaningful sex is harder to find than the "quick bang" variety but the rewards for waiting are enormous!


Bill Weintraub

Re: No More Fear


Thanks Kevin -- terrific post

Most of the guys in here have done anal -- including me.

And my late lover Brett.

Not because we were morally weak.

But because we were responding to peer pressure.

Which itself is a response to cultural messages telling gay men that anal penetration is the best and truest form of sex between men.

Truth is, anal penetration isn't even sex.

And that's a different cultural message.

The only way to end the pressure and coercion to do anal is to generate and disseminate our own messages which tell the truth about anal and promiscuity.

And Kevin did just that right here on this board.

The trick now is to get that message before a lot of other men.

And the only way to do that is for you guys to donate so that we can buy advertising and get Kevin's message out to the literally millions of men who need to hear it.

If you won't donate, what will happen is that those of you who are gay-identified will go on living in a sea of cultural messages telling you to do anal.

And most of you will -- you'll do anal, because you aren't strong enough to resist the peer pressure those messages generate.

Paticularly because you fear that if you do, you'll be alone.

Of course Kevin has just demonstrated that the opposite is the case.

But you'll rationalize-- you'll tell yourselves that he was young and pretty and so could get away with it.

Or that this time it will be different.

The straight-identified guys have a different problem, because they're told constantly that real men don't have sex with other men.

And many of them therefore won't.

Even though we have another post on the board, Billy's "A Sheltered Life," which warns them that if they wait too long, they'll regret their failure to connect with another man while they were still able to do so.

Again, that message will have to reach a lot more guys before it can do its job of changing the allegedly straight sexual culture.

So: Kevin and Billy and Buddha and Clint -- to name our four most recent posters -- have all done their bit towards changing the culture.

But most of you haven't.

And until you do -- nothing will change.

Donate -- $5 a month, which you won't miss, will do it -- or resign yourselves to living in the world just as it is now.

Kevin found his courage -- and with it his love and his life.

That's what you need to do.

Cockrub Warriors Rule.

Frot Men Rock.

Bill Weintraub


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