Ron

A love like no other

5-8-2005

I only recently discovered this site, it is both wonderful and positive, and reading many of the postings here has clearly focused my formerly confused sexual feelings. All my life, I've viewed the homosexual lifestyle as distasteful and disgusting (anal sex being just abominable in my mind), but I longed for the closeness and comradry that a serious majority of teenaged guys experience after puberty. I'm talking about one's self discovery, and the white-hot, electric feeling when sharing sex with a friend. A jack buddy.

Like many who've posted on this site, I identified myself as a straight man, but had uncomfortable desires and fantasies of other men lurking in my mind, for what seems like forever. Often I was angry with myself for indulging in such trains of thought while I made love with my wife or a girlfriend or while masturbating. Isn't that screwed up? I thought I was inwardly gay, and the thought of that tormented me. Until I met a great young man, and as stated, found this site.

Three years after my divorce, my ex remarried, and the newlyweds planned to move with my two preteen children to another, distant state. I had moved away from the town where we had lived as a family also, though close enough to see my kids often, to be a father and dad in their lives. They convinced me to move back to this town in order for them to live with me, rather than move, and stay in their schools with their lifelong friends. All this I write here, as a foundation for the following:

After I moved back, purchasing a home where the three of us would live, one late afternoon I was in the house alone, when three young men walked in from my son's room (he had a door to the outside in his room). These guys were pretty big in size, and my very first thought was "these guys are here to kill me". Instead, they were looking for my son, Keith. One of them, named Joel, stood out in my mind because of his striking good looks and his masculinity. After they left to look for Keith elsewhere, I couldn't get the image of that kid out of my mind, and that made me feel sick and ashamed.

Parents know what it's like around the house when you have teenagers; their friends are over constantly. I was usually annoyed at this predicament, however, Joel was one of my son's pals who came over the most, and over the weeks and months he and I became as close friends as he and Keith were. Many times he'd come over to see and hang out with me. We'd talk girls, sports, whatever, and toss back a beer or two. Joel felt just as I did about homosexuality or what we perceived as homosexuality. We bonded on too numerous topics to list. I must confess though that I noticed often when he would reposition his cock in his jeans or rub himself, wondering if he was bi- or secretly gay, or a prick tease trying to lure me out of a closet. In actuality, none of these was the case. Just an 18 year old comfortable with my company and our friendship.

Then there came the weekend morning when it got eerie. Joel came into my bedroom while I was just waking up, wanting to know if I would like to go fishing with him. He stood at the side of my bed talking to me, then kneeled down and laid his head on my stomach outside of the sheet, looking me straight in the face as we continued to talk. I remember that amid the swirl of feelings I was having at that moment, I put hand on his shoulder and rubbed him there. When he stood back up to leave the room, I noticed the outline of his erection in his pants. I didn't know what to think; Joel was a man's man, then and now, and again I wondered and worried about the two of us, rejecting the notion of homosexuality.

Some months later, Joel came to see me to tell me he'd been arrested for a serious charge, and that he might have to do prison time. We talked the situation over for hours in private, with Joel breaking down in tears at the prospect of prison. He weeped in my arms, hell, we cried together. His parents had decided to wash their hands of the mess, the scandal, in this little town. I hired the attorney for him, who managed to get Joel's sentance minimized to 10 months in a prison on the other side of the state from here. From prison, Joel only wrote to me or to Keith, my son, who was now at college. One letter, either the second or the third, included one page of only 'I love yous', and childish drawings. My heart was broken and bleeding for this young man who saw his future only as a con, and again I thought, leaning gay.

Upon his release from prison after only 7 months, Joel had no where live, so he moved in with --guess who. We made pretty good roommates.

Never did anything overtly sexual happen then, and I helped him find a decent job in another area of the company where I do. All went well for three or four months, until Joel took my truck one night without permission, and wrecked it. He was unhurt, and no one else was involved or injured, thank God. It was his 'oh, well' attitude toward my loss of my truck, instead, which marked the first moment of our aggression. With heated words, and a lot of yelling and threats, I challenged him to accompany me to the backyard where we would just see who was right. We were both as mad as hell and our fistfight was fierce and long. At the end of it, his strength and size had me on my back and him straddling me, with a rared-back fist. Then he stopped, and slumped onto me, crying and apologizing and promising to repay me for the truck. I wrapped my scratched up arms and bloody hands around his waist, and just held him. He kissed me on my neck. As we lay there, unspoken words were exchanged, as the heat of our bodies and our battle rose. Honest to God, it felt unnatural, yet so intensely intimate. Joel rose up from me, and I saw a little blood coming from his ear, so I pulled him onto me again, and licked it off. Our mouths met and there in my backyard where just earlier, we were killing each other, suddenly we were lovers.

I will not elaborate on our other experiences, except to say that we shared our bodies in a manly, totally masculine way (like tigers), finally broaching and scaling that last wall men place between them. I am not a cocksucker, but I have had my best friends penis in my mouth, as if it were my own, loving the man it belongs to, not the organ itself.

To conclude, now, some six years later, Joel is married to a sweet gal, and they have a 2 year old daughter. I'm getting remarried (also to a sweet gal) in August 2005. Joel and I are the best of friends, despite our age difference, and yes, we've frotted more since his marriage to his wife. Not everytime we're together, we do lots of things together other than sex. But sex is an aspect of our friendship which no one male or female can supplant. I have found my soulmate. And that letter he wrote me from prison is one of my most treasured possessions.

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