Bill Weintraub

Re: Of Soldiers...

12-12-2002

i thank Mike for this poignant post and once again send him my and the Sensei's heartfelt sympathy

like Mike, i often thought of myself as a soldier/warrior, and in my early adult years found an outlet for those feelings in gay activism and self-defense training and karate

but also like Mike, i know that my sense of myself as a warrior was greatly heightened by the five years i spent taking care of my first lover Brett, who died of AIDS

as Mike said, healthcare resources are often in short supply, and, unfortunately, one must sometimes fight to ensure that one's loved one gets the best possible care

doing that, and staying the course with a loved one through the terrible ups and downs of a fatal illness, changes and strengthens one's sense of self, and for gay men in particular can often serve as proof that the larger culture's dismissal of them as cowardly and ineffectual is false

in addition, caregiving is often a bonding experience, and may provide something of the sense of what soldiers experience in battle

sociobiologists and anthropologists tell us that human beings in couples and/or groups alternate between the poles of fusion and fission

and we're all aware of those tendencies in our own lives

in good times, human groups will tend to break apart, as individuals pursue advantages wherever they may find them -- that's fission

but when times are bad -- during natural catastrophes or acts of terror for example -- people will pull together -- that's fusion

and that's true, as i've said, for couples as well as for groups

for Brett and I were never more bonded than when we were dealing with an outside threat, whether that threat was homophobia or HIV disease

and that's what soldiers experience in war -- an extreme and reciprocal altruism, in which a soldier will give up his life to save his buddies

and that too is why soldiers so often speak of loving their comrades

and in a sense i suspect that's what happened with Mike and his mom

they were soldiers together

so while i regret Mike's loss, i'm glad that he, with his mother's loving help and understanding, was able to emerge stronger from the experience

cockster

Re: Of Soldiers...

12-12-2002

My love goes out to you Mike from another London warrior.

As your post resonates with me at the deepest level of my current life experience ... I humbly notate my thoughts after reading yur post.

Your post emits an energy and power which resides in men, yet which is cloaked by the 'emporers new clothes' that we call contemporary gay life.

Not just to our closest blood relatives ... but to our loves have we shown our soldier-like steadfastness, nurturing, nursing ... sharing life and death.

These primal, male, human gifts have been a testament to the integrity of 'gay' men. It is saddening indeed, to see them today overshadowed by myopic adherence to the 'beautiful life'. A soldier ... for the aid of his love ... embraces and endures the totality of mortal reality. Gaining strength from love and wisdom from the experience of knowing death and loss as a part of life ... and living on.

Of soldiers ...

We often talk sternly and fervently about the 'anal mob mentality' ... I do ... I like to talk as stridently as they do.

Through my work and research ... this site and the interactions and catalysts it gives me ... I am evolving an integrity of purpose which informs and underpins my interaction with the BFD and the attendant gay media and organisations.

A soldier/warrior of frot and cockrub. A phallicentric male in the mythical sense.

As I've said before ... take up the cause and be proactive. It's the only way. I'm publishing my book in a month or so ... it feels mighty lonlely sticking my head above the parapet ... I don't see too many other heads.

Thank god I made it to see Bill this Sept past. His handshake and beaming eyes ... our mutual understanding ... appreciation of the event. Two human men ... at the same point on the planet for just brief hours. Then off to our several paths. Affirming interlude over.

We made it happpen. Make something happen.

It's good to talk ... as always

love

cockster