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The Warrior Within

8-10-2005

A Child:
Ever since childhood, I have always admired warriors especially ancient Greeks and Romans. I did not only find them awesome but even erotic. This fascination has grown within me and has become me.

An Adolescent:
In my teens, I have fantasized erotically embracing one. I have collected pictures and even made drawings of very attractive male warriors of all kinds -- hoplites, gladiators, samurais, ninjas, and of course the mandirigmas who only wore a skimpy loincloth, some colorful armbands and a headband, rajah sandals, and only armed with a kris or a kampilan (two-pointed sword of the Philippines) and a shield. This liking extended to modern warriors -- men in uniform.

It was during high school that I had a frot buddy. But then I didn't know that it was called frot. He was my best friend and a classmate in the CMT (Citizen's Military Training); we've always hanged out together, walk from school together, fish together, play together, and defended each other. Some schoolmates thought we were brothers and even twins because we already look and act similarly -- have the same choice of clothing, light complexion with those nice Asian eyes, and a lean body. And also some suspected us to be lovers but never dared to ask because maybe they were intimidated by the Pollux-and-Castor like projection we had. At first we didn't manifest any signs of romantic feelings for each other; we were both afraid of rejection. But one time, when he have to spend the night in our house because it was quite too late for him to go home and that a curfew is being imposed in their district, I knew he also like me the way I like him. I shared my room with him. The climate here is temperate so I only wear brief when I sleep at night and I know that it is also his habit. I insisted that he should also take off his clothes and leave only his underwear and feel at home. He yielded though he was hesitant at first. We watched the late night news while having a little chat then I noticed his bulging brief while he was also looking at my very own. I don't know how to react in seeing him like that, of course I had an instant hard on. And then I just told him "What a nice armament you got there", this broke all the barriers between us -- and we had the most ecstatic experience that night! Just two guys in love -- face to face, dick to dick. Our relations continued until we had to part ways in college. His family was financially broke and had to return to their province. He was not able to get into college. I lost contact with him then. And I was thinking he did it on purpose... because there was a tone of frustrations in his voice and his letters about him being left behind by my achievements. The last news I had about him was from another friend, he already got married.

A Man:
Nobody really knew about this. I kept it a secret, because I was afraid of being ostracized by my own family and friends. All they knew is that I wanted to be a marine -- a warrior. But when the opportunity came I shun the applications in the Philippine Military Academy (PMA), because I was afraid of the psycho-neuro tests they are giving for they might find out what I am. And most of all, I really do get a hard-on when I see good looking masculine bodies which I think is embarrassing during the training especially in the showers. And having heard of homosexuals being suspended, expelled, or scandalized in the PMA, I decided to take another course in college and became a civil engineer instead, a toughie in the construction industry. But deep inside, I know I am still that warrior who wants the company of another warrior -- equally beautiful, equally mighty, a friend, an ally, a defender, and a lover!

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