"Cockrub Warriors" is an interesting term. It can be interpreted in various ways, depending upon where we place the emphasis. It can conjure up the image of two men engaging in interpersonal phallic ritual -- either aggressively or gently.

But if we emphasize the word "warrior," in and of itself, the whole scope of the discussion is broadened. It invites us to reflect on our role in the movement to liberate men sexually and relationally from past confines and prejudices, whether they come from society in general or "gay culture" in particular.

In my mind a warrior is someone who leads, not follows; who is fearless, not timid; who is willing to take risks and fight for change, not passively accept the status quo.

Who can deny that we need to be warriors as healthy men who love (or want to love) other healthy men? The old stereotypes have caused psychological damage for generations. Is it any wonder so many masculine, virile men have stayed in the closet when the most dreaded word from early childhood was "fag?" Or when we received the subtle message that only neurotic, effeminate individuals engaged in same-sex desires and activity?

It was this pernicious mentality that led me to spend 20 years of my life (I am now in my 40s) in and out of the ex-gay movement, trying to change and become a "real man." This involved countless counselling sessions; flying 2,000 miles to meet and work with the guru of reparative therapy, and of course spending a significant amount of money in the process. In the end I was more convinced than ever that I am a normal (whatever that means) man who happens to be oriented toward other men emotionally and sexually.

At the other extreme, the gay cultural and political movement would have us believe that the norm for men loving men is effeminancy, camp, outrageous, immature, and unmanly behavior, and unsafe sexual practices. Again from my own experience I discovered the fallacy of this. My limited exposure to anal sex was demeaning and humiliating. Not having the courage to say no to a partner who was into anal, I gave in and learned the following: passive anal sex was pure pain, not ecstacy; I felt like a mere receptacle for this guy to get his rocks off; I had stomach and bowel problems for weeks afterward which required doctor's visits and antibiotics. When I was the active partner, I felt that I was using my friend in a wholly inappropriate way.

Bill Weintraub has taken up the gauntlet to advocate a radically new model of what it means to be a man relating to other men. In my judgment this issue currently is where the racial civil rights cause was 40 years ago. Are we going to be content to sit in the back of the bus? Or are we going to live and love according to the dictates of our hearts?

I respectfully offer these considerations:

l. In all ways, let us be masculine, manly MEN, especially in the way we present ourselves to the world.

2. Let us not be afraid to love and to be gentle lovers with other masculine men. This is not an oxymoron.

3. Let us be brave enough to take our cause and our example to society at large.

4. If our circumstances preclude this, and in any case, let us love one another in the movement in true brotherhood and support.

Please think about it, warriors.

Farmboy Warrior