Bill Weintraub

Anal and monogamy

8-27-2005

Very often in internet debates and elsewhere, analists will agree, because they have no choice, that anal is high risk for sexually transmitted disease (STD); but they'll then assert that "If you're in a monogamous relationship, that doesn't matter."

And then they'll change the subject.

Don't let them do that.

Because we're not only talking about sexually transmitted disease.

There are a host of other problems associated with anal penetration, and they don't go away just because the couple's monogamous.

Let's take a look:

1. First of all, very few people who claim to be monogamous are.

And anal penetration, which de-humanizes and objectifies, encourages promiscuity because it encourages men to think of themselves and each other as sex toys.

Moreover, even if the couple is absolutely faithful -- which is unlikely -- there are still health issues, because of the inevitable mechanical damage to the anus and rectum; and because of the constant contact with fecal material, which is dangerous -- even if the relationship is closed.

So while someone may not get HIV in a closed relationship, perforation, fissures, and leakage are still on the table -- as are infections carried by fecal material.

According to ano-rectal surgeon Stephen Goldstone of GayHealth, even with a condom, anal is the highest risk "sex" act two people -- man and man, or man and woman -- can perform.

With each new partner, the risk multiplies dramatically -- again, according to Goldstone.

But even those in a monogamous relationship cannot escape risk.

Can smoking be risk free?

No.

Handling guns?

No.

Some activities are intrinsically dangerous -- and anal penetration is one of them.

2. Even if it's monogamous, anal is still shit sex -- the erotic focus, which is essentially fetishistic, remains the anus, which is a non-genital organ of fecal excretion.

That's a betrayal both of homosex and of sex itself.

Because sex is about genitals -- not anuses.

And because sex is about life and light -- not death, disease, and shit.

So regarding points one and two:

As I said in an earlier post, quoting Frot Man Mark, would you stick your finger in a pile of shit, would you lick a pile of shit, would you rub your cock in a pile of shit?

Even if it was your lover's shit?

NO.

I know of no culture in all this wide world which endorses those behaviors -- other than American gay male.

Human beings universally are taught to avoid contact with feces.

Only gay men seek it out.

That's a culturally-mandated, self-loathing behavior.

3. Whether monogamous or promiscuous, anal penetration mimics the power inequalities of stereotyped hetero sex.

Anal mimics straight sex.

Even if it's monogamous, it's still top and bottom, butch / femme, dom / sub.

That doesn't change.

Like Warrior Gene said:

There's no male connection, no bond, just raw lust. It's not sex or love, it's violence and power. The problem is implied in the politically-coerced masculine/feminine roles.

That's what anal's about: violence and power and politically-coerced masculine / feminine roles.

Whether it's monogamous or promiscuous, the power inequality is built in.

As is the degradation.

The bottom is the bitch, and the top is getting shit on his dick.

That's degrading.

So if someone says, "If you're monogamous, you can't get a disease" --

Not so.

Fissures, tears, leakage, perforation, fecally-carried bacteria, protozoans, prions, and viruses -- all dangers.

And anal is still shit sex.

And it's still top-bottom butch-bitch shit sex.

That's what it is.

There's no reason to let the buttboyz stay comfortably in denial land.

Fact is, as I learned long ago, they're not going to like you no matter how conciliatory you try to be.

So you might as well tell them, and the rest of the world, the truth.

Anal penetration is dangerous, dirty, and degrading.

Yes, promiscuity makes anal riskier.

But the danger, dirt, and degradation don't go away just because the relationship is closed.

That's the truth.

Frot is super hot, healthy SEX -- real sex, genital-genital sex -- which enhances masculinity.

That too is the truth.

And the truth is what people need to hear.

---