being into guys without losing being a guy



being into guys without losing being a guy


Great site! It is so refreshing to be supported and validated for these issues for a change. When I have voiced my hatred for so many "gay" things such as top/bottom, men calling each other girl and bitch, not being into anal sex, etc., people have told me it is because I am not comfortable with my sexuality and being gay. I always found that so offensive because I felt very confident with my sexuality which is why I didn't have to fall into the stereotypes of being gay.

I also sometimes wonder if I should label myself bi, as much as I hate labels. I have had most of my sexual relationships with women, and I do enjoy sex with a woman very much. But for me, I never felt the truly deep affection/emotional bonds with my girlfriends. It was always like, 'I loved them, but I was not in love with them.' I knew I was going to have a hard time "coming out" and trying to date men because I knew I didn't and don't fit with the gay scene, and more importantly the gay mentality.

I used to think I am such a minority to feel the way I do - being into guys without losing being a guy - and - being into guy things and sports and such and still being attracted to other cool, masculine guys as well, but I wonder if I am a majority, but most men don't talk about it. All I know is it is hard to meet people. It seems men are either straight or flaming homosexuals, and there is little in between.

Yet I know that other men like us must exist.


Re: being into guys without losing being a guy



I don't fit into mainstream sexual definitions either. It's like being caught between two worlds, and is frustrating. Dating women is fine, but masculinity is something I've always been able to appreciate separately. For me, it's recognizing common manhood at its basic level. We all grunt, groan, sweat, scratch our balls, get erections, and everything else related to testosterone. I think if two males happen to be doing guy stuff together, watching/playing sports, wrestling around or whatever, and they get hard from it, it's like soldiers saluting each other out of mutual respect and admiration.

Most gay-identified men are only interested in doing things I have no desire for. Most straight-identified guys are afraid of crossing a line that will make them as gay. It's a catch 22.

I think it's possible to be homoerotic without having to pick gay or straight labels. Were just men, period.

Over and out,


Don F

Re: being into guys without losing being a guy


John - so much of what you wrote echoes the thoughts of most of us here.

We cannot identify with the femmes, never wanted to put on women's clothes or sing show tunes dancing down a runway with a star on our shoulders.

We are NOT in gender denial.

We are REGULAR GUYS who identify with other REGULAR GUYS, it's that simple.

If you haven't checked it out yet, read about the Dave Kopay story at this link.

The message is a clear alternative to the current media whoop with such crap as "Queer Eye for the Straight Guy" where those shallow, stereotypical lisping femme-fluffs think they are just SO MUCH SMARTER than the poor, style-challenged straight dude.

Here we celebrate male sexuality as a pure, honest and instinctive expression between buds who can be GUYS together.

There must be a lot of us out there, because I'm told this website is getting thousands of hits.

Glad you chose to be with us real guys, because that's what we are.


Bill Weintraub

Re: being into guys without losing being a guy


thanks Don

another great post

re site visitors and hits

we get far more than "thousands of hits"

last month we had close to *two million* hits on our Heroic site alone

and we've had more than a million *visitors* -- and to me *visitors* is a more significant figure -- to the Heroic site in 2003

a million is good, but it's still nowhere near as high as it needs to be for us to know that we're reaching the literally millions of other men who long to hear and will respond to our message

and that's why we must buy advertising

Don said:

"Here we celebrate male sexuality as a pure, honest and instinctive expression between buds who can be GUYS together."

let's spread that good news and reach out to as many men as we can, men who will join us in celebrating pure, honest, and instinctive male sexuality, what Tank calls "man2man eroticism in its most masculine and purest form."

if we do that, next year will be a Merrier Christmas for men everywhere


Re: being into guys without losing being a guy



I can't rave enough about this site. Not only is it instructive, it is validating and inspiring. I wish it was around when I was young & struggling. I would have made very different life decisions.

It could have saved my generation of guys trapped in a gruesome sexuality. At 56, I still carry a grudge against the politicos of our community for the 3 lovers I lost, that culture which I still believe does not have a clue as to what male sex and bond are about.

What I have learned (the hard way) is that the 'culture' is schizoprenic.

We are attracted to hyper-maculinity, yet we ape femininity, and are chided as internally homophobic if we resist it. Just look at the most popular male porn... it is hypermasculine. Just look at our so called favorite past times... DRAG!

We are told to applaud the fashion tips of the 'Queer Eye for the Straight Guy', in demasculinizing very hot men (shaving chests, sissy clothes, metrosexual chic, etc..). Try telling someone you do not like the show. They will accuse of everything from 'repressed' to 'republican'.

I came out of that awful '70s-'80s period lucky to be alive (and still HIV negative!). But the sorry truth I learned was that anal sex was considered the ultimate, and I was a top always willing to please in hopes of meeting my special guy.

There was no male connection, no bond, just raw lust, and I hated being a popular living dildo. It was not sex or love, it was violence and power, but nevertheless a male aphrodisiac. The problem is implied in the politically coerced masculine/feminine roles.

I was lucky in that I was always a wrestler, and from my youngest years, there were always sparring partners to JO with. It was easier back then, it was winked at as 'normal' juvenile play, something most would outgrow. Today everything is a political statement.

I respected wrestlers, I felt part of a masculine cult, and I got the male sex and bond I craved. How could some cute tweaked twink bottom compete with that?

It took me a lifetime to understand that it was far more normal to want the basic male sex and bond that even straight guys crave.... masculine, competitive, and physical.



Re: being into guys without losing being a guy


Whether you like men or women, you're still a man.

Me, I look at myself as a man who happens to enjoy sex with men.

There is a certain type of woman that I would consider having sex with, but I really enjoy men.

Don't let a label get in your way.



Re: being into guys without losing being a guy


Hey Doug, what you're saying is true; buying into "labels" can be misleading and counterproductive. Receiving validation for how you feel is important too though. Itís certainly been that way for me, especially when I first discovered this site and did a great deal of reading from the many guys who have contributed to the site with their own personal experiences and feelings.



Re: being into guys without losing being a guy


I am so glad I found this site. I also do not feel belong o the "gay" stereotypes of femininity. I love a real man. I'm not a fan of anal sex, either. I am into a man, his smells, his cock, cock rubbing and mutual j/o play, cock worship, and oral sex. I am glad to see there are others out there who feel the same...


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