Bill Weintraub

Date Rape

8-4-2003

Recently I've heard from a few guys, and over the years I've heard from many guys, who are dating men into anal and experiencing very heavy pressure to allow themselves to be penetrated.

Although I know it's difficult for guys to understand, the source of that pressure is cultural or normative.

That is, that within gay male culture, anal sex is regarded as the norm, the standard by which the sexual content of a relationship or even one-night-stand is judged.

It wasn't always that way, and it won't be that way forever.

But it is that way now.

And since most human beings respond very strongly to norms, men who are part of mainstream gay male culture expect to have anal sex, regard anal as an entitlement, and will do whatever it takes to have the chance to penetrate a partner.

What that means in practice is that if you're dating a man, and you've explained to him that you're into Frot and you don't like anal, and he's still pressuring you to do anal -- you should stop seeing him.

Or be prepared to get fucked.

Because he will continue to exert pressure until he gets what he thinks is his by right.

And then, having gotten what he wants, he will most likely abandon you.

I know that it's frustrating to meet a guy you like and then discover that you're sexually incompatible.

That will change.

We will succeed in changing the sexual culture, and the more you participate in helping that happen, the faster it will happen.

Until it does however, if you're seeing a guy into anal, and he's pressuring you, you should stop seeing him.

Or be willing to undergo date rape.

I've put up a Man2Man Alliance policy paper about date rape, which is short and worth checking out.

You need to be clear: if someone you're dating insists on fucking you even though you've told him you don't want to fuck, that's date rape.

Even with a condom, it's dangerous, and besides --

the energy you put into dealing with that man into anal is energy you don't have to find a man into frot.