I'm glad to meet a community of men



I'm glad to meet a community of men


I've e-mailed back and forth with Bill a few times, but this is my first post to you men. My partner of 6 1/2 years died of AIDS-related respiratory failure on December 7, 2002. For several years until that time, I had let myself be socialized into the idea that gay sex meant anal sex. Looking back on my life, it's odd that I felt that way, because until my mid-20s I had had anal sex exactly once, fortunately with a healthy guy who had a small dick. Also, Stephen's being positive meant we never had anal sex because he was fully aware of how condoms could fail. But I did get socialized into the gay world enough to try using dildos on myself and actually convinced myself for awhile that I liked it.

But Stephen's death shocked me awake, even though his health had been on a slow, predictable decline for a long time. I threw out the dildos, realize that they were a part of the culture that had killed my man in the first place. And I began to realize that putting anything in my ass was never pleasurable. I briefly thought my rejection of being a bottom boy meant I was a top, and I tried it out. I seemed to be doing it "well," given how the bottoms I met were squealing for more, but I had to admit that I didn't care for it.

Finding this site and seeing all the other masculine-oriented men here has been a godsend for me. It's caused me to remember growing up in the country in Arkansas, playing in the forest, not able to find another boy to express myself with sexually but still treasuring my masculinity. I remember retreating into an effeminacy that really wasn't me when I hit puberty because my fundamentalist upbringing had taught me that men who loved men couldn't really be men. By "effeminacy," I don't mean gentleness, the strong, caring kind that my dad had and has. That's a good quality I want to keep. I mean the bitchy queeniness, the self-pity and all that crap you all already know about.

I'm currently with a wonderful man, who nevertheless likes anal sex. I did anal with him a couple of times but then let him know that I didn't want to do it anymore, and he's been understanding. So far, he doesn't get as thrilled by dickrubbing as I do, but he deserves credit for trying. He only got fucked once about 20 years ago and hated it, so he knows how bad it feels. And cuddling, wrestling and jacking off with him is pure heaven.

I'm now 31 and teaching in an inner-city Philly public school. I'm out to my kids (10th-grade English), and my anxieties about coming out were less that they would be homophobic (most haven't been) but that they would get the wrong idea when I mentioned being with a man. Most of them do associate gay with buttfucking. One of them even asked me about that. Given my job, I couldn't be explicit, but I did explain to him, "Not all gay men do that. I don't." Then, of course, he asked what I did do, but I told him he'd have to research that for himself. We teachers do have to be careful, alas.

I honestly have no heterosexual impulses, but the word "gay" doesn't fit me, either. I have no use for Queer Eye for the Straight Guy, Madonna or whatever else we M2Ms are "supposed" to love. I never shave any of my body hair; I've got a full beard; I have no use for hair gel or moisturizing whatevers. Some of my old friends are asking me why I look like a youngish, thin Grizzly Adams. But I'm really loving becoming the masculine "mountain man" type I thought I could never be when I was a teen in Arkansas. Here's to being ourselves!



Re: I'm glad to meet a community of men


I am also glad I found this site. I'm coming out of a 10-year marriage and just coming to terms with my sexuality.

One of the reasons I think it was so hard to accept was the fact that I just couldn't see myself having or enjoying anal sex.

However, I thought that was what gay men did. What I enjoy is the close contact of another man, touching hugging, kissing.

It's nice to see that there are others who enjoy the same.



12-10-2003 09:57am

Re: I'm glad to meet a community of men

Well thank God for finding this site. I started to think there was something wrong with me as a gay man because I hated anal sex. And It has been a bit of a problem trying to understand why I wasn't turned on like other gay people by anal sex. I wondered am I gay or Straight? Well guess what! Thanks to this site I dont have to pretend to fit in any more :) And yes I am gay (:) Its nice to know at the tender age of 42 maybe I will find a Mate, Partner or whatever who can teach, Share and enjoy.

Once again A Big Thanks to the creators of this site.

Tomtom 142 :)

Robert Loring

Re: I'm glad to meet a community of men


PhillyCock wrote: "Here's to being ourselves!"

This is exactly what we MUST be...ourselves. We must not allow the gay culture to force us into actions, behaviors, or mannerisms which go against everything inside of us. We must be what we are and that is men who love frot and who love being ourselves (ie: Men).

When we allow gay culture to conquer us so that we submit to things we detest a piece of us dies inside and that is most often our masculinity. But this part of us can be resurrected and rise like the great Phoenix Bird from out of the midst of its own ashes. That resurrection comes when we make the conscious and purposeful choice to simply be ourselves. To simply be men who love other men, frot, and men who truly love to experience real love with other men.

Most human beings will do almost anything to "fit in". They succumb to the groups peer pressure and, sadly, the cost is high. What many should realize is that they can regain themselves at any time by simply starting to be themselves. Many of us are here on this site because we do not fit in with straight society nor with gay culture. Many of us on this site tried to "fit in" with one, the other, or both at some point in our lives. Yet, deep down within each of us there was something reminding us that we do not really "fit in". Finally, many of us found our way here to this site after climbing many psychological mountains and after having engaged in much personal warfare. And, for the first time in our lives, in coming here among brothers of kind, we truly do feel we fit in. For, it is here that we can truly and simply be ourselves.

I'm glad you are getting the Arkansas mountain man look PhillyCock. It is good to be a Man. But it is even better to be a frot man!!

Sir Robert

Bill Weintraub

Re: I'm glad to meet a community of men


thank you Sir Robert

Robert says

Finally, many of us found our way here to this site after climbing many psychological mountains and after having engaged in much personal warfare. And, for the first time in our lives, in coming here among brothers of kind, we truly do feel we fit in. For, it is here that we can truly and simply be ourselves.

Without question that's so.

But your journey and struggle does not and cannot end with your discovery of this site.

Because that's only half the battle.

The other half is reaching out and sharing what you've learned with your fellow men.

And to do that you must donate.

Donate first of all to keep this site and this forum alive.

We almost lost the sites this month -- and I've had to spend most of December begging and pleading for the paltrey sum of money needed to keep them up and on the web.

Every one of you reading this post who has benefitted from this site and has never donated should be ashamed that you forced me to do that.

You need to donate to keep the site alive.

Otherwise you will have discovered this site only to find that it's not here the next time you need it.

But you also need to donate to reach out to the literally millions of men who are eager to hear our message.

Because it is pointless to discover the truth and not share it with others.

Keeping it to yourself means that the culture in which you live does not change, it means that the peer pressures which Robert writes about continue and weigh upon you and all other men unabated.

And of course it means, for those of you who aren't partnered, that the pool of prospective partners remains very small.

The gay male establishment and the gay male media are implacably opposed to us.

The religious right is implacably opposed to us.

You and you alone can serve to liberate your fellow men and in so doing give yourself the chance to live your dream.

I told Tank that I'm not doing anybody any favors by continuing to give you guys a forum in which to complain without requiring that you take some action to change the situation.

And that's the truth.

So: Donate.

Donate or lose what little you've gained.

Donate and achieve all that you want.

Because life requires moving forward.

Standing still is not an option.



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