My true story



My true story


As I was beginning to grow in size so was my family. At age seven there were six kids in my family. By the time I had passed through puberty there were nine in my family. Because nature deprived us of two through miscarriage or still-birth I could've been in a family of eleven. Well, nine was enough! With my family that large any house would've seemed too small. Our home was small--three bedrooms one bath. That meant that sharing was part of growing up. Sharing toys, food, hand-me-down clothes, sharing secrets and sharing beds.

My oldest two brothers had their own beds and I don't know if they ever experienced frot.

With nine in the family my parents had a bedroom to themselves, my three sisters shared one bed, the four boys shared one bedroom, and the toddler slept in the bed with my parents and the newborn in a crib by himself near my parent's bed. I slept in a roll-away with my brother Paul.

When he started to go through puberty I was a roaring teen going through mental and physical changes. My friends and I would wrestle and pin each other to the ground. The loser would lay with his back on the grass with his legs an inviting V. I would plant myself right on top. We'd grind our hard cocks against each other while the younger kids watched and learned from their older brothers. When they grew older, I noticed that they did what we had done. That's when I realized my thirteen year old brother Paul (I was fifteen going on sixteen) was dominating other kids his age in wrestling or was being dominated. They played and experienced frottage. I'd jump in and pretend to defend Paul when he was underneath another boy, but what I really wanted was a piece of the action. I wanted to dominate the younger kids and frot with them, grinding my larger body and over powering them into submission. I was literally mounting them.

It didn't take long before what happened on the grassy fields played itself out between Paul and myself on the small roll-away bed we shared.

One night it happened. An electrical charge bolted through our bodies when our bare legs touched. In the darkness we could hear each other's heavy breathing. I knew he was awake. He knew I knew and it didn't take long for us to let nature take its course. Paul lay on his back stiffly waiting for my lead. I feigned a half-hearted yawn and rolled onto my side brushing my knee across his leg in an exploratory fashion. The coarse hairs on my leg lightly stinging his flesh while the peachy fuzz (new hair) on his legs felt soft against my skin. Paul grunted a protest just for show and moved his arm as if to push me away brushing his hand "accidentally" against my hard penis. He caressed it and the touch that was measuring my cock drove me wild. I cupped his balls and ran my hand up his shaft, over his abdomen and rested my hand just below his armpit. Our cocks were evenly matched. The game of egging each other on to see how far we would each go began in a painfully slow fashion. I think snails could copulate faster. But that's not what we wanted. Copulation is only between the opposite sexes. We had discover frot in the playground, and with just our briefs on wanted to do it in our small bed. In the playground Paul, our friends and I were always fully dressed. What Paul and I wanted was to feel each other's bare skin. We wanted to experience the power of one another's cocks.

I threw my arm across his waist and pull pleadingly. Paul moved to face me and then the ecstatic touching of our cocks occurred. Out of fear that our older brothers would become suspicious we froze in this tentative embrace, swallowing gasps and groans that threatened to give us away. We became extremely aware of one another's bodies. We were afraid that the pounding of our hearts would have caused the family to turn on the lights and find out where the loud drumming was coming from. We pulled each other tighter, embracing, locking our legs together, willing the other to relax. Our breathing slowed down and our hearts no longer pounded in fear. We surrendered to the moment and our bodies melted into each other. We learned each other's rhythm. I inhaled as he exhaled. My chest expanded against his chest as it contracted. Then his would expand and mine contract. It was as if our breathing said my chest is dominant, now yours is, and now mine is. Then in the embrace I moved my cockroot and ass muscles so that my cock jerked against his. Paul twitched his in response. We began a gentle paring match under the restraint of jockey briefs. We fell asleep in each others arms. The dampness of our skin and the overheating of our bodies caused us to separate and enjoy the coolness of the bed's edges. We would continue this the next night and the next until my mother flicked on the light and scolded us. We curled up in fetal positions (not out of fear, but to cover our erections) and this put a damper on our sexual explorations.

There were nights we weren't in the mood and hit and hurt each other. I know what the meaning of blue balls meant. What torture to want something and not get it. There were times he would cup his hand and I would jackoff against it, but what we both really enjoyed was our throbbing cocks rubbing, rolling against each other while we kneaded our balls against one another. We never pulled our briefs off because nothing is private in such a large family. Eventually, my mother made me sleep on the living room sofa. That didn't stop the wrestling with friends. My brother and I grew apart and he played with his friends and I began to hang out with my own age group. I will always remember the hunger, almost desperation, in our communion of bodies--it felt natural. I eventually got it from teenagers my own age.

As I grew older and entered college, for the sake of labels, I stated that I was bi-sexual. My actual belief is that I am just a horny guy. I call myself a sexual being. Sex, sex, sex! What dude isn't driven by it most of the time?

When I share myself with a woman exclusively I begin to yearn for male companionship. When I'm with men too long I crave women. Finally, because of the pressure to consummate the heterosexual relationship I stopped seeing women completely. They always wanted a child from me (I'm great with kids), but I didn't want to be--be what? Married! I wouldn't have minded being a father, I loathed being a husband.

I am now content in a man-to-man partnership (twenty-one years now). In this partnership no one is father or husband or wife. We are both men.

Well to finish off the story about Paul and I, it's important so bare with me; one college night I was seeking male companionship and entered a gay bar. My brother Paul saw me and bolted out the emergency door. Had he forgotten our nights together in bed? Maybe he thought that as his older brother I was looking for him in order to beat the gayness out of him. Paul went by the way of the gay world and gave in to anal sex. I tried it once and hated the passiveness of being penetrated. It didn't feel right. Even when I was doing the penetrating in other instances it was not as fulfilling as frottage. I stopped the nonsense of the "heterosexual" roles between men. I have since enjoyed man-to-man, cock-to-cock, mouth-to-mouth sexual struggles/surrenders of strength-on-strength.

Paul eventually died of AIDS. I spent some quiet moments with him while he lay in bed. I would touch and caress him, let him know that I loved him. There were times I wish I could take his pain and suffering away, but we both made our choices and we respected that. I feel no guilt or regrets for having made my choice. I know that Paul's only regret was that life is short. I can't help but wonder how different life would be if more people accepted the way of the cock warrior.

Life is that way. Paul (not his real name) is gone now, but I still occasionally think of what he and I did in our teens. A woman who knew I had a religious streak in me (I still do), asked what I thought of sex. She saw me as too religious, I guess. "Sex can be a lot of things besides procreation. It can be playful, fun, aggressive, exploratory, passive, aggressive, slow, fast, victor/defeated, but most of all it can and should be a discovery."

Brothers, I am glad you discovered this web site and in so doing I hope you've discovered yourself.

Your cockwarrior brother.

Frotatious Luis

Bill Weintraub

Re: My true story


Thank you Luis for this beautiful and beautifully told memoir.

I'm very sorry for your loss of Paul.

I know that such losses can be terrible to bear.

And far too many of us have suffered those losses.

What we need to understand is that they were brought about through an essentially false view of what sex between men is about.

As you say, "the nonsense of the "heterosexual" roles between men."

Those men who are able to get beyond that nonsense can live to enjoy the ecstatic and uniquely male experience of "man-to-man, cock-to-cock, mouth-to-mouth sexual struggles/surrenders of strength-on-strength."

And that's what we're trying to do here: show men who love men that there's a better way.

Luis, one of the things reading your memoir reminded me of was that there was a time, not very long ago, when guys learned about sex from guys.

That was particularly true of Frot -- most guys discovered Frot on their own and/or with their pals when they were kids or in their teens.

Because it's a totally natural male behavior.

And males don't have to be taught how to do it -- they just do it.

But men do have to be taught how to do anal.

Anal penetration is a learned behavior -- it's not natural at all.

Now, however, the introduction of the computer and the internet has fundamentally changed the way kids learn about sex.

Particularly gay-identified kids, who are often isolated from their peers.

The prevalence of anal and images of anal on the net is now so great, and kids who are gay-identified access the net so early in life, that there are now gay-identified kids growing up totally acculturated into anal, acculturated literally before they've ever had sex, and who have never even thought about having sex cock2cock.

They may have no concept of what they'll often call, when they finally do see it, "frontal sex."

That's particularly true if they're so gay-identified that they avoid physical contact with their non-gay peers.

Which many gay-identified kids do.

They're afraid that wrestling or rough-housing will give them an erection, and thus give them away.

They don't know that straight-identified guys get hard-ons under those circumstances too.

Their fear becomes a prison, isolating them from the reality of male sexuality.

Instead, these gay-identified kids learn about both sex and "gay sex" on the net, and are acculturated into anal before they even come out -- usually before they've had any real-world contact with another gay person.

To these kids, anal may well seem natural.

But that's not because anal is natural.

It's because the analists control the cultural apparatus.

I think it's accurate to say this is something new in human history, and the consequences are not entirely predictable.

But so far, they've been negative.

And it's a big change.

Like I say and as Luis describes, guys used to learn about sex from other guys.

Now they're learning about sex from a machine.

Not good.

Thank you again Luis.

A story both wonderful and tragic, beautifully told.

Bill Weintraub


Re: My true story


great prayers go out to you and your family...for your loss...

you are right...if only your brother had had known there was an alternative...brothers...are you getting the picutre...these kids need to know that anal is not the way...they will die...if they dont learn that now they will fall into the anal scene...and turn up this what we want for them...

i see kids everyday who dont even know they are going to die in their young adulthood...because they have contracted AIDS but their social workers wont tell them...they are going to die...because some analist thought it their right to penetrate them...

analists do not have a right to penetrate is a violation pure and simple...and we have to recognize that...that even if a person allows another to penetrate them...they have been violated...because they have been put into a position of submission...and doing so willingly does not change that fact...submission means giving up yourself to someone is transforming yourself into a slave...for someone else's are not meant to be slaves...



simple equations...

if you are someone's bottom...that means you are free can you be to choose...during intimacy he turns you on your belly and rams his cock free can you be in that situation...the answer is: YOU CAN' become his become his toy for pleasure...that is the reality...

i recall an article on this site about anal being used as means to humiliate conquered is it that such an act of humiliation has become beloved by gay and bi sexual men across the globe...consider the amount of effort that went in to change that viewpoint...that is a 180 degree change of mind...such a change it can unhappen as it were...if a worldview can change once it can change twice...but it will take an equal or greater effort to do so...

Paul died because of that worldview...he died because no one gave him a different worldview...had he had that alternative he could have been spared a young death...but he had no such alternative...

lets give other young brothers that that they dont suffer the way Paul and his family suffered...

peace and love


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