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THE ULTIMATE DEFEAT
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In ancient times when a man anally penetrated another man he was giving him the ultimate defeat and humilation. In some ancient warrior societies after the enemy had been defeated on the battlefield the victor would engage in anal penetration of the surviving enemy as a signal and reminder of total defeat. It was considered to be the ultimate humilation because a man who had been anally penetrated by another man was considered to be a dishonored man.
In ancient times the loser on the battlefield who had been anally penetrated by the victors was sometimes left alive and let go to return to his own people. But, after the battle and the humiliation of having been anally penetrated by the victors something very definitely changed in the man who had lost the battle and everyone back home could see the change. Shame covered the man who had lost the battle and been anally screwed by the victor. Everyone back home knew by the look on the man's face what had happened to him. Everyone back home knew that the victor had not only won the battle but that the victor had also stolen away the manhood of the loser.
The loser was often, after returning home to his own people, considered to be a dishonored man. The community often had little use for him upon his return. Many ancient communities did not even consider such a returning "warrior" to be a Warrior any longer. Some communities exiled such men while others simply killed them because they had lost the battle and suffered the ultimate defeat as a man and warrior.
Anal penetration of a man by another man shames a man. This was the ancient belief. A man who had been anally screwed by another man lost his dignity as a man and as a warrior. Such a man lost his honor and masculinity. Shame, embarrassment, depression, falling self esteem, growing humiliation -- all of these and more began to consume the man, the loser. The humiliation of having been anally penetrated and, thus, humiliated by the victor grew until the man often became so consumed in and with himself that he could no longer function as an effective man and certainly not as an effective warrior.
Having been anally penetrated by another man was NOT something to be proud of in ancient warrior societies. It was a thing of shame and embarrassment. It signified a loss of masculinity and was a sign of both a humiliated and defeated warrior.
So what about today in our own times? Does anal penetration of a man by another man not have the SAME effect on a man? Are shame and humiliation not still the result? Do many men who feel they "must" engage in anal "sex" not really wear the MASK of femininity or ultra-machoism / machismo in a futile effort to hide their own shame? To hide their own ultimate defeat and humiliation?
Men who are anally penetrated by other men lose their sense of masculinity. They lose their innate sense of aggressiveness and their competitiveness. Such men, in short, lose their self esteem and they lose their sense of self as they succumb more and more to being feminized. All this destroys a man's spirit not to mention creating a whole host of psychological nightmares within the man. Humiliation and shame rule over him and he soon takes to wearing a mask in order to hide his shame and humiliation.
Psychologically speaking there are many gay men with many psychological problems. Spiritually speaking there are many gay men with many unresolved spiritual issues in their lives. I see these men frequently in the type of work I do. The problem is not that they like having sex with other men. The problem is the shame and loss of masculinity that comes from the way they have sex with other men (ie: anal penetration).
Many of these men turn to addiction in an already lost effort to escape the nightmare of shame and humiliation in their lives. As long as they are drunk or drugged they are happy and gay but when they sober up or come down they are not so happy and gay. In fact, you can see the psychospiritual nightmare written upon their faces. You can see the shame and humiliation in their eyes. You can feel their loss of self and their loss of their masculinity. You can feel their broken spirit!!
The ancient warrior practice of anally humiliating the enemy was a means of breaking the warrior's spirit. Once the spirit is broken that IS the ultimate defeat in any battle. Break the enemy's spirit and YOU win, always!! Ask any good general because it's a basic military fact. For so long as a man's spirit remains unbroken he will fight and resist you but break his spirit and watch how fast he becomes weak and submits to the victor's army.
I have seen many gay men deny their feelings. I have seen them unable to effectively deal with and resolve the shame and loss of self that comes from and that is a direct result of anal penetration, in my opinion. These are broken men, broken in spirit, mind, and eventually to become broken in body via disease. This is the end result of the BFD insistence on and obsession with anal sex! The ultimate end is complete DEFEAT, shame, and humiliation of a man! The man may no longer be defeated upon a physical battlefield but he certainly is defeated, shamed, and humiliated upon the battlefield within his mind and spirit.
There is a BIG difference between "men into anal" and Frot men: men who reject anal sex and who are into Frot. Frot men DO NOT suffer from the shame, guilt, or humiliation that the analists do. Frot men do not lose their sense of self nor their innate sense of their own masculinity. In fact, with many men into frot, frot actually boosts their sense of masculinity and self esteem. Frot men know first and foremost that they are MEN FIRST! They don't attempt to wear either the mask of femininity nor that of machoism. Frot men do not attempt to hide from or deny their feelings. They face them, deal with them, resolve them, act upon them. Men into frot are men whose spirits are UN-broken! Men into frot are strong, not weak, in body, in mind, and in spirit. Men into frot do not walk through the nightmare of shame and humiliation caused by anal penetration, the ultimate defeat of ANY man. Men into frot are simply MEN being MEN and doing what men have always done for thousands of years with other men. Frot men engage in a male to male sex that is normal and natural and history proves that.
So what about the gay man who was a part of the anal practice but now wants to be a part of the Frot Warriorship? Is such a man still destined to live in shame and humiliation? Is such a man still to suffer the psychospiritual nightmare of a broken spirit? I don't think so because frot offers another path. Frot offers a way of regaining one's masculinity while still being a man who likes other men. Frot, in short, offers a way for a man to HEAL and to RESTORE himself.
Frot is a way which is not only historically traditional between men but which is also honorable. Frot is engaged in between two men who view themselves as EQUALS. There is no dominance and no submissiveness among men into frot. There is only EQUALITY. Frot does not seek to humiliate a man nor to steal away his masculinity. Rather, frot seeks to BOOST a man's sense of masculinity, honor, and strength in body, in mind, and in SPIRIT. Frot helps a man to be a man again. Frot creates, builds, and rebuilds. Anal destroys and destroys even more!
If you are a gay man into anal reading this I encourage you to get out of the analist culture because the ultimate goal and END will be your OWN self destruction not only in body but also in mind and spirit. I hope by reading the articles on this Man2Man Alliance site that you come to the realization that you DON'T have to engage in anal "sex" in order to be a gay man! I hope you come to realize that you have a choice NOT to engage in anal any longer and, thus, not to continue to lose your own sense of self, masculinity, and self honor. But, ultimately, I hope you will find something herein that will motivate you to begin walking the pathway towards self healing and self rebuilding instead of continuing to walk down the pathway of self humiliation and self destruction.
If you think I'm picking on mainstream gay men, think again, because I'm not. What I am trying to do in this writing is show you there are other ways to love men. What I am trying to show you is that you DON'T have to submit or surrender your manhood, your mind, your spirit, or your body in order to be a gay man! What I am trying to do is encourage you to begin walking out of the nightmare that the analists have so ungracefully cast upon you.
THE ULTIMATE DEFEAT
Also by Robert Loring:
Go Shirtless: In support of a brother!!
In addition he has replies posted in many message threads, including these in Warriors Speak:
I'm glad to meet a community of men
Can one man be faithful to another?
we were warriors at a time when boys now are like girls
In his reply to A Community of Men, Robert says
When we allow gay culture to conquer us so that we submit to things we detest a piece of us dies inside and that is most often our masculinity. But this part of us can be resurrected and rise like the great Phoenix Bird from out of the midst of its own ashes. That resurrection comes when we make the conscious and purposeful choice to simply be ourselves. To simply be men who love other men, frot, and men who truly love to experience real love with other men.
In his reply to A Confirmation of Masculinity, Robert says
Frot men promote each others manhood and masculinity rather than try to destroy it. Frot men do not seek to depersonalize their partners nor to rob them or themselves of their human manly dignity. Frot is, therefore, not only healthy physically but, in my opinion, it is also healthy psychologically and spiritually. It promotes the man rather than destroys the man.
And in his reply to Why Warriors, Robert says
The Greeks had the right idea and concept. As you say Bill, "They expected men who loved men to be masculine and monogamous, and they were." You also state, "and if we change our expectations, we'll change behavior" which relates to the basic premise of Cognitive Psychology (change the thinking, change the behavior). You are RIGHT and you couldn't be more right Bill. Edgar Cayce once said, "Mind is the Builder, Spirit is the Life, Physical is the Result". Our thoughts form our perceptions and expectations and as we change our thinking we also change our behavior.
"As we change our thinking we also change our behavior."
While in "Procrustean" Robert warns about "those who are defeated in their own minds."
The choice is clear: we can change our thinking; or be defeated in our own minds and suffer psychological, spiritual, and physical death.
And that of course is what Robert's talking about in The Ultimate Defeat.
Analists routinely claim that men do not have to experience anal penetration as degradation.
They're wrong and Robert's right.
What the analists are attempting is to use ideology to deny biological reality.
That cannot be done, and I discuss how that effort plays out in The Ideology of Anal Penetration, part 3 of an anus is not a vagina.
And don't miss two related posts on our Personal Stories board:
Oscar Vallejo's IS ANAL PENETRATION PLEASURABLE; and
Joel's The Cycle of Abuse.
Both are highly recommended and are yet more evidence that
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And don't miss these other important Man2Man Alliance statements:
© 2011 by Bill Weintraub
© All material on this site Copyright 2001 - 2011 by Bill Weintraub. All rights reserved.
This essay, like all other material on this site, is protected by copyright. It may NOT be reproduced, in whole or in part. Webmasters and hard copy publishers must contact Bill Weintraub for permission to reproduce this or any other material from our Man2Man Alliance, Heroic Homosex, Heroes, Cockrub Warriors, Frot Men, and Frot Club sites.