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Posted 4/5/01
Bill,
I just finished a more in-depth reading of your interview with Jack Nichols. As a result my mind races in many different directions and on many different levels. Trying to pull it all together I would like to first state that I appreciate that you have extended yourself and your ideas onto the net. I also believe nothing happens by accident. This community is very much appreciated.
As I read through the interview many doors that here-to-fore been closed (not locked) have opened for me. Ironically, my first sexual experience happened at age 6, and it was cockrubbing. My friend and I called it "playing bellybutton." Although not able to ejaculate there were sensations that ran through our bodies as we rubbed against one another and our little erect penises touched. "Bellybutton" became just another one of the many childhood games we played with one another. As we grew older we did sleepovers and although we no longer called it playing "Bellybutton" we continued to cockrub against one another's bodies. It was something that just seemed to happen naturally as we lie next to one another. I smiled as I read your discussion on this "boyish playfulness" in the interview, as it brought back many great memories.
Until I tuned into your Cockrub Warriors community I never entertained that my first sexual experience was a cockrubbing one. My friend and a few other friends, as well as I continued with "cockrubbing" well into our teenage years. Of course we experimented with oral, but never anal. Anal was not something that we even considered other than rubbing our cocks against one another's backs and butts. Those cockrubbing days, as I recall, were intensely sensual and erotic. I think that this was one of the reasons, as I grew into adulthood, that I had difficulty with the dominate/submissive, top/bottom role-play that permeates many gay sexual encounters. I never felt comfortable with these roles and avoided them. I recall one experience where a partner started getting into humiliation and dominance and my cock just shrunk. I was able get myself out of the situation by being very firm that the scene was not my "thing."
One other area that was opened up as I read through the interview was the fact that when viewing porno I get turned on by the expressions on the guys faces and their body contact much more than their cocks or any anal that might be being shown. This is something that I have been aware of in my choice of porn for quite some time. Although this was not part of your interview it was what became clearer to me as I thought about more about what was being discussed.
Although I have participated in non-emotional anonymous sex I never really liked it, but when the vital fluids flow they need an outlet. In my life experiences I have connected up with some guys who were more interested in the physical masculine sexual body connection than anal or just cumming. These were individuals I got to know and I cultivated a "buddy" relationship with. One was a married (heterosexual) guy that I had a six year relationship with. I knew very little about his life and I wanted to keep it that way. Because he worked two full time jobs he had little time to "cruise" and explore his interests in male contacts. He was extremely attractive and solidly built. He would call me after his last job and if I was available we would hook up. The relationship ended when I moved back to the West Coast.
When asked if I am gay, my response has always been, "I don't like labels for people. I can tell you that I prefer the company of men." I have always been accepting of all peoples and as a matter-of-fact I enjoy interacting and getting to know those who do not fit into the mainstream of our society. My preference for more intimate relationships, not only including physical, are with guys who view their sexuality from a masculine man to man perspective without the dominance/humiliation/bondage/anal perspective.
So, as you can see your interview has opened up many doors of thought for me and I don't have the "aloneness" (not lonely) kind of feelings about my sexuality as I had before tuning into this CockRub Warrior Community. It gives me more confidence that I might come across a good "Buddy" Warrior up here in the foothills of the Sierra Mountains in North Central California.
Sierra Mountain Man
AKA George White Eagle
note from bill: Warrior Sierra Mountain Man and I also collaborated on this story The Bond. Reading it will give you a better sense of him, as will this profile George wrote for the member list:
I live in a very small town in the foothills of the Sierra Mountains of North Central California. I moved here from San Francisco after 15 years there. I am 6'1" 235# masculine, trim stache/tee, single and like "cock rubbing" with a good buddy; just man to man cock energy while looking in one another eyes and holding on to one another
bill's reply
there are a number of themes in Warrior Sierra Mountain Man's life that we encounter repeatedly in the lives of our fellow warriors.
one is his pre-pubescent experience of frottage, which then continues into his teen years
another is his dislike of dominant/submissive role play and his essentially masculine ID
which in turn leaves him alienated from much of mainstream gay male culture, so much so that he eschews the term "gay"
nor is he promiscuous, a trait which seems to hold in general for men into frottage, though whether it's due to lack of opportunity or, as in Sierra's and my case, a need to feel connected with one's partner, is an open question
this constellation of factors and traits -- early joy in frottage, teen frot fantasies and experiences, an inability to fit in to anal/top/bottom mainstream gay culture, a masculine identity, and a non-promiscuous life style -- has occured so frequently in these first 156 Personal Stories and Warriors Speaks posts that i'm
confident it represents a distinct type of m2m man, and one that's really quite different from contemporary stereotypes of "gay" men.
that's the reason this site is called HeroicHomosex -- because i believe that the men of the frottage movement represent a new, masculine, force in m2m life that will revolutionize it.
AND
Warriors Speak is presented by The Man2Man Alliance, an organization of men into Frot
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