Geez Bill. Read your stuff on the net. Can't belive it because it's so wonderful.

Growing up, I had no idea the possibility of male/male sex was anything more than an adolescent fantasy that made me wet my underpants in bed at night. Not understanding it at all, yet there was a yearning that could not be defined during High School.

I stayed virgin in the penis until I was 17, when quite by accident I wound up getting laid the first time with another kid from basketball in High School while staying over at his house one night.

His folks were away, and we raided the fridge for some beers while watching some dumb monster movies on TV----Godzilla fucks Rodan or something like that.

Well, at that age, a few beers has a strange effect, and eventually he invited me to stay over, rather that going home, so I said OK. No big deal. I'd bunked with buddies before, right?

Climbing in his bed wearing only our orthodox white Jockey briefs, typical of teen athletes at the time, I had never anticipated what was going to happen. Somehow, legs touched and we got snuggled up. He felt warm and nice, and I liked it. But soon the beer and the hormones took over, and we started touching and exploring each other, hands running all over. And when he pressed against me, I felt it---he was hard as a rock.

Not sure how long this new, tentative arousal went on before we both recognized there had to be more. Then I felt him tugging at the elastic band around my waist. Tho a bit nervous, I let him continue, then reached over and did the same, gradually lowering his Jockeys until we had our underpants down around our ankles. We started fondling and caressing and wound up with him laying on top of me.

With nothing more than instinct for guidance I guess, he pressed his cock and balls against mine and we started moving together. Well, I was totally flipped. There I was, with one of the best looking guys in school naked in my arms, with his hard penis against my own. He'd used his ankles to spread us both wide during the intercourse, nesting his tight sac against my own, the sensation of testicle contact stimulating both of us even more.

Up 'till then, I had never known anything but masturbation, and this feeling of shared male contact was driving me crazy. The steady sensuous glide of his cock against mine, jabbing my tip with his on the upstroke stimulated me more than I had ever dreamed. I remember sort of being afraid, but not wanting it to stop.

Just when I thought it couldn't get any better, he started making whimpering noises, pressing hard against me and I felt his wet warmth gushing all over my penis and belly.

Needless to say, when I felt him having his cherry it made mine happen too, I just couldn't help it. Somehow I realized it was going to be more than a regular orgasm because I could feel it starting deep inside. Without any reservations, I WANTED it to happen, the pressure of his penis triggering the cherry held inside me for so long.

I came---psychologically, emotionally, physically--in the first homosexual experience of my life.

I had never felt another boy climax, and the feeling was intense--his breath on my neck and his hardon jumping against mine drove me crazy. Needless to say, we made a huge mess together, pumping the virgin streamers out of our bodies, two teenagers popping like gangbusters together.

Mentally, I was overwhelmed, not just at the intensity of the contractions, but psychologically feeling the fulfillment of adolescent fantasy suddenly coming true.

Afterward, we just stayed bearhugged up together, maybe too shocked by what we had done, yet not wanting to separate or say anything, so just laid there nuzzling necks and ears without a word, with our cocks swimming in the slippery mess between us and his testicles against mine, reveling in the male intimacy we shared. Later, he whispered that it was his first time with anyone, and I confessed the same thing.

Incredible as it might seem, it was a singular occurrence and never happened again. We never talked about it the next morning, but we both KNEW what had happened. He seemed embarrassed or something, even modestly turning away from me as we got dressed the next a.m. Can you believe....after what we had done? I think he felt ashamed of his homosexual climax. I luvved it and thought it made us buddies. I was wrong.

The only thing I would ever have from him as a memory was the discovery later at home that I was wearing his underpants instead of my own, being the same and apparently getting switched as we got dressed. Tho I didn't realize it then, the cotton pouch of his briefs was as close as I'd ever get to him again.

Seeing him in school was different after that. Like he was avoiding me. But once in study hall, I caught him looking at me, but he quickly glanced away. After graduation, I heard he got married.

Sometimes I wonder if he ever thought about our "first time" experience together. For me it was unforgettable....

I mean....nobody ever forgets their first time, right?

As a soul bro who went through so many of the same thoughts growing up, I thought you might like to know how much my first cock-to-cock fuck influenced my life.

Email 2

Dear Bill - thanx for responding to my note/confession. When I first read your stuff on the 'net, it was the White Crane article and the evocative feelings touched me like few readings ever have. Later, by chance, I ran across ur wrestling story THE FIGHT and it further motivated me to write to you...

I found myself in complete agreement with the notion you expressed, so prevalent in todays culture, condemning one partner to the female role as a "receptacle" for the "top" who fills the "male" model as a wrong and poor description of what male/male sex should be. Like you suggested, I have always believed that true male mating involves direct contact of anatomy in a masculine sharing of closeness with the partners' climax fully open and uncontained by any sort of orifice. When a buddy hits climax with me, I always felt it should be fully unrestrained--that we ejaculate freely with one another, the blend of semen symbolic of male union between us. A silly, romantic notion maybe, but for me it represents the ultimate sexual fulfillment between two buddies sharing the experience as equals.

My early High School experience described to you earlier was in fact the first, but not the last episode of this kind. Looking back, it was a singular event, almost accidental, between two horny teens with nothing for guidance but instinct and no experience with anything more "advanced." I suppose at that age, the yearning for ANY sort of contact brings arousal. And of course, hardons are contagious when the opportunity for mutual discovery presents itself in a secure and discreet way. The resulting penis-intercourse (or cock-rubbing as you refer to it) seemed like a natural progression of the intimacy between us--simply joining the parts that felt good with each other.

Sensuous yes, but I was surprised how gently sensitive it felt with his cock and balls against my own. And we were both about the same size, built so our cocks pointed straight up along our bellies when hard, making it easy I guess to fuck 'em together between us. I can understand what you wrote how shape and configuration plays a role here.

Whether the kid was gay, straight or otherwise, is something never to be known. Maybe it was because I just happened to be there as a "convenient" partner for a teen desperate for any sort of sexual release, dunno. In any case, as I wrote he seemed ashamed of the whole thing and we were never the same sort of buddies again. 

The experience changed the way I thought about other guys, having discovered that sex between males WAS possible after years of vaguely defined adolescent yearnings during masturbation in bed at night. I found myself fantasizing about other boys on my basketball squad, seeing them in the lockerroom and showers, wondering what it would be like to feel their cock moving against mine and sharing their climax with me. But nothing more ever happened during High School. It wasn't until later in college that, again almost my accident, I met a buddy who shared the same desire. His name was Greg, and we were workout buds for over two months before anything happened. He was a college swimmer, looked terrif in a Speedo, with great shoulders, and it turned out, still a virgin..

But that's another story. I just wanted you to know that full-frontal cock-to-cock experience remained my focus as time went on.

As you pointed out in your article, the surprising thing is that this has received so little attention in these guarded days of "safe sex" admonitions where butt-fucking remains a (gross) high-risk activity.

You are one of the very few who seems to understand what the true essence of male mating should be. At the risk of waxing philosophical here, it would seem apparent to me anyhow that the direct joining of male anatomy is not only an obvious way of homosexual mating, but also increases the possibility for mutual climax, the ultimate intimacy between buddies in my view.

Thanks again for your writings, and I hope to read more.

Email 3

Hey Bill - once again, thanks for your prompt reply. Like you reported, I've always been puzzled that full-frontal contact is regarded so marginally by the gay "establishment," with frot dismissed as juvenile or not "real sex" at all. Clearly most all the XXX vids display scenes where one partner fucks butt while the other masturbates, holding this image up as a sort of ideal.

Yet this stuff is a definite turn-off for me. I say let the butt-fuckers have their condoms because we sure don't need 'em.

Curiously, one might think the definition of male/male intercourse would involve mating sexual anatomy, the natural joining of penis and testicles, affording buddies the opportunity to climax together and releasing semen as a tribute to each other's masculinity.

I cannot imagine a more quintessentially male intimacy than sharing each other's climax. It doesn't take much practice for two buddies to sync that way easily, as I discovered in college. Seemed like we quickly learned the skill of accurately judging responses in each other

Found it amusing in reviewing your thoughts on my "first time" encounter that you chose to comment on the undie switch.

Not sure I would agree there was any deep Jungian or Freudian significance involved. An honest mistake probably. I mentioned it only because at the time it seemed funny, and now later ironic, that all I had left after such a personal experience was a remnant, an empty shell, after having already been given the contents in the most intimate way possible. Certainly the underwear itself was nothing special, only plain white briefs like my own, as I recall the Jockey brand of supporter-style boys underpants with the built-in cup below a Y-shape seam, indistinguishable from that commonly preferred by lots of guys on our basketball squad and not unusual in any way back then.

Getting philosophical here, because thinking back on it the undies probably constituted more of a mental than physical barrier between us at the time, concealing virtually nothing, yet representing everything---symbolically a thin veil guarding the virginity within and staying on probably a lot longer due to inexperience and uncertainty. Taking them OFF meant "crossing the line" from two kids just fooling around to something much more overtly sexual. In fact, had we not taken that step, with hands running all over each other, teasing, touching, etc., it might have likely ended up with us simply shooting inside our underpants, coming "behind the veil" as it were, and BOOM. It would have been over. Just like that. Nothing more would have happened. And I would have been left wet, temporarily satisfied, but unmated. I suppose had such a thing happened, it would have provided a small degree of retained modesty, making denial (especially for him maybe) easier afterward, rationalizing later that it REALLY wasn"t sex at all. Besides, at that age I'd cum in my undies before lots of times in bed at night and probably so had he, so it wouldn't seem too impossible to deal with had it happened that way.

But it didn't. Somehow we got them OFF each other. I can remember feeling a twinge of panic at first, feeling very exposed and vulnerable (no one had EVER seen me with a hardon before), but soon realized after his "unveiling" that HE was too. We were offering ourselves to each other openly then, and I can still remember how strange it felt to touch him down there. The territory was familiar and it was almost like touching myself, his bag tight and round like a plum under my fingers, but I knew it wasn't me.

I sure can't remember every tiny detail, but I won't ever forget when he pushed me back and spreadeagled over me, like doing pushups, using his ankles to open our legs apart before lowering his hips, nesting his swollen cock and balls to mine as we finally began mating homosexually, no doubt of it anymore. As a cock-rub guy yourself, you KNOW how I felt at that first, super incredible intimacy between two GUYS, so I don't need to elaborate. Suffice to say, it felt like pure instinct.

Instinct. Now there's a good word. Was it? Is it? To me, and I guess for you too, it would seem so. Face to face, cock to cock, man to man. Penis intercourse for lack of any other term. To bad so few others agree.

Thanx again for all the neat stuff you write.

Email 4

While I can't fathom exactly what words you want among all the nostalgic memories I wrote, you are certainly welcome to use whatever you feel appropriate.

The point I tried to make in writing you originally was that, from my experience anyway, full-frontal cock-to-cock sex was INSTINCTIVE behavior for two horny teen virgins seeking to culminate a first-time homosexual experience together. There were no guidelines or "routine" patterns to follow, so we ended up doing what felt NATURAL for two boys mating with each other.

I think this needs to be emphasized more. As we know, direct male coupling IS possible without feminizing one partner into a receptacle or using the anus as a substitute vagina.