Second email

Hello Bill,

Correspondence from you is always a welcome lift for me. I think you can tell I get lonely and I fear I may be getting to be annoying and I don't want that.

I'm not married Bill, never have been. Oh I've had 2 or 3 chances but couldn't go through with it. I didn't think it was right. I could never sustain a relationship with a woman for any length of time. There have been times I wish I could but it just wasn't in me. I've been attracted to men since puberty. All my sexual fantasies and masturbation has revolved around men. I can relate to much of your story about your teen years. That was hell wasn't it?

Third email

Hi Bill,

Thanks for your understanding.

Yes, Bill. All of my sexual fantasies have been about frot only I didn't know it even had a name. For a long while I thought I can't be homosexual because the idea of being penetrated by or penetrating another man was disgusting to me. Because I thought that was what being gay meant. As you have pointed out on the website most of the gay sites show so much anus they are a definite turnoff. So I think you can understand my confusion about my sexuality. It's been a struggle but I've accepted it. I dislike names, tags, labels. Heterosexuals don't have to "come out" and say "I'm Straight". I don't feel I should have to announce to the world "I'm Homosexual". I generally accept people for who and what they are and I hope..and I think most people extend the same courtesy to me.

Bill, I know at my age, being unmarried and not dating for a long time, friends and family have pretty much guessed my sexual orientation. They don't make a big deal of it, don't ask questions and I appreciate that. I don't quiz them on being heterosexual. Looking at it, I think I have constricted my circle of acquaintances so much I have excluded the possibility of meeting someone like myself with whom I could enjoy a long term and meaningful relationship. I'm trying to change that.

I didn't mean to run on like this I was just going to answer your question about frot. Yeah, being cock to cock and balls to balls with another man is the thing with me..always has been.

Reply from Bill Weintraub

Hi Chuck,

You wrote

Thanks for your understanding.

Chuck, you're welcome -- that's why we're here.

The Alliance is a social ministry whose purpose is to help Men cut through all the lies which have been told about them and sex.

Yes, Bill. All of my sexual fantasies have been about frot only.

Good!

That tells me something about you and speaks well of you.

Chuck, I don't know if you've read the stories in Warriors Speak -- particularly the first 65 or so, which are indexed here --

but if and when you do, you'll see that your experience is a common one; and that there's basically a natural history to the lives of Frot men -- regardless of whether they identify as gay or straight.

That self-identification is immaterial.

The lies impact Men a bit differently depending on their self-identification, but the result is the same: misery and regret.

Including the sort of celibate life you've led.

Very common.

I didn't know it even had a name.

Right.

Frot has always had a name or, actually, names:

frottage, the princeton rub, cock to cock, dick2dick, cockrub, bone on bone, front, frontism, etc.

I coined the term Frot back in 2000 to give men a race-neutral term which was also hotter and more "anglo-saxon" than frottage.

Frottage is an ersatz French word.

In reality, there is no word "frottage" in French.

So we really needed a new term for it.

But when I was a kid I called it cock-rubbing.

And that's what it still is to me:

Rubbing cocks.

Nothin better on this earth than that.

For a long while I thought I can't be homosexual because the idea of being penetrated by or penetrating another man was disgusting to me. Because I thought that was what being gay meant. As you have pointed out on the website most of the gay sites show so much anus they are a definite turnoff.

Right.

The thing to understand about that is that it's a relatively recent phenomenon.

I talk about that in many places, including Hyacinthine Love, which you've read, and Frot: The Next Sexual Revolution;

and in the interview with Jack Nichols.

Prior to the 1970s, most gay-identified and other men who had sex with men did NOT do anal.

Gay-identified men tended to do oral and JO / Frot.

Straight-identified guys tended to be into JO and Frot.

And in fact, within the gay male subculture, guys who did anal were denigrated -- they were called "brownie queens."

That changed ca 1975.

But what's important for you to understand is that you had the misfortune to be born not only during a period which was very "homophobic," but which, when you were a young adult, came to identify gay sex with anal sex.

And of course you were confused.

So I think you can understand my confusion about my sexuality.

Of course I can.

It's been a struggle but I've accepted it. I dislike names, tags, labels.

Properly so.

Those labels are extremely misleading and very damaging.

They're false.

Prior to 1869, remember, there was no such thing as "a homosexual."

There were just people and sex acts.

And after that term was coined, guys who engaged in sex play with other guys did not necessarily label themselves as "homosexual."

The term "homosexual" was used by German physicians to identify effeminate men who were "passive" sexually.

It's never been a proper term for men like ourselves.

But, as we've tried to explain on the site, in a heterosexualized society like our own, all Men who Love Men are pushed into the gay or homosexual ghetto.

Chuck, we've been talking about his process a lot over the last year.

If you haven't already, you may want to ck out the articled titled The Power of the Masculine

And again, I've been called "radical" for saying this, but in point of fact people with a strong historical sense have long known that terms like gay and straight are grotesquely misleading.

Among those people are Gore Vidal, who insists to this day, according to a recent article, that "there is no such thing as a gay person, only gay sex acts."

And he's absolutely correct.

The great love of Vidal's life, by the way, was a guy who was killed in WW II -- Jimmy Trimble.

And according to Vidal's memoir, Palimpsest, he and Jimmy rubbed cocks.

That's what they did.

You can read more about Vidal and Trimble in Logan McClintock's essay The Anal Sex Myth: A Frottage Manifesto.

Heterosexuals don't have to "come out" and say "I'm Straight". I don't feel I should have to announce to the world "I'm Homosexual".

Of course you shouldn't Chuck.

Because the truth is you're not "homosexual."

You're a Man.

You have normal and natural same-sex needs and desires.

Just like all Men.

Chuck, you also, apparently, have some "heterosexual" desires.

I understand that you don't experience those desires as in any way as powerful as your same-sex desires.

But that doesn't mean they're not there.

In other cultures, and historically, where there's been no concept of sexual orientation, and where male-male love affairs have been common, the fact that you're more attracted to guys wouldn't have mattered.

You'd have married, most likely, because almost everyone did, but you would have had a male lover -- what we call a Warrior brother -- and no one would have thought anything of it.

Including you.

You'd have had a wife and kids -- and a Warrior brother.

And your life would have been far more balanced than the lives of men today, who are forced to self-ghettoize into those meaningless categories.

I generally accept people for who and what they are and I hope..and I think most people extend the same courtesy to me.

Good.

Bill, I know at my age, being unmarried and not dating for a long time, friends and family have pretty much guessed my sexual orientation.

Chuck, I understand what you're saying.

And you're probably correct that people are making an assumption.

But we try to explain to guys that sexual orientation is an "idea" -- what's called a cultural construct -- and a very recent idea.

Chuck, what you have is a normal and natural Male Instinct -- which is not an idea but a biological reality -- to bond affectionately and sexually with another Man.

Once again, Chuck, there's a huge difference between an idea or cultural construct like "sexual orientation"; and your biologically-grounded and God-given Male Instinct to go cock to cock with another guy.

The instinct is natural; the idea is not.

They don't make a big deal of it, don't ask questions and I appreciate that. I don't quiz them on being heterosexual.

Right.

Looking at it, I think I have constricted my circle of acquaintances so much I have excluded the possibility of meeting someone like myself with whom I could enjoy a long term and meaningful relationship.

Yes -- you've self-isolated.

Again, lots of guys do that.

I'm trying to change that.

Good!

That's a first step.

I didn't mean to run on like this I was just going to answer your question about frot. Yeah, being cock to cock and balls to balls with another man is the thing with me..always has been.

Good!

Chuck, being cock to cock and balls to balls with another man is the Natural way for Men to connect sexually.

Never forget that.

What you want is normal and natural.

And the more you read in Personal Stories and Warriors Speak -- the more you'll come to understand that.

What you wanted when you were in the Navy and in that hotel room was completely normal and natural.

The other guy wanted it too.

He may or may not have understood as clearly as you did what he wanted.

But he wanted it.

I don't know what would have happened if your bulges had touched.

Because the Navy was engaged in a witch-hunt.

But -- if he could have gotten past that -- you guys would have been on fire with each other.

Both you and your friend were (and are) Men.

And Men are made for being cock to cock and balls to balls with each other.

Cock2Cock.

Balls2Balls.

Man2Man.

Normal and Natural.

Chuck, that's the truth.

Chuck's response

Fourth email:

It's always good to hear from you.

Wow. Normal and Natural. Those are two words I like to hear. I can look other men in eye and hold their gaze as an equal. I've been doing that more lately and it's good. I've found there are some men who break eye contact but there have been more who like to sustain it. It may seen stupid but I think that if the eyes are the window to the soul as they say, mabye sometime I'll meet a man and our souls will recognise one another.

I would be happy for you to post these emails. I've been reading some of the Personal Stories and Warriors Speak. Great stuff in those. I intend to read more.

Bill, I want to thank you again. After I read your last response I felt a great burden lift from my shoulders. I feel relaxed and at peace with myself. I've been looking for that for a long time too and I hate to say it but that's something I haven't been able to find in religion. I'd like to shake your hand one day.

Reply from Bill Weintraub

Thank you Chuck.

Guys, Chuck says, "After I read your last response I felt a great burden lift from my shoulders."

Why?

Because I told him that his cock to cock desires were "normal and natural."

And his response was

Wow. Normal and Natural. Those are two words I like to hear.

Right.

The tragedy is that he's never heard them before.

He's been told all his life that his same-sex desires and his cock to cock and balls to balls desires were abnormal and unnatural.

When they're the exact opposite!!!

Guys, the question you need to ask yourselves is:

What is it worth to reach a guy like Chuck?

So that he has a chance to hear the truth.

A chance to make up his own mind -- unencumbered by lies.

A chance to live.

He's never had that before.

And he couldn't have found it anywhere else.

Chuck said:

I feel relaxed and at peace with myself. I've been looking for that for a long time too and I hate to say it but that's something I haven't been able to find in religion.

Chuck feels at peace with himself.

A peace he couldn't find in religion.

What's that worth?

I've suggested and requested that you donate $10 or $20 a month so that we can reach more men like Chuck.

That's a reasonable and modest suggestion.

Although to me, reaching men like Chuck is worth a lot more than that.

The religious organizations ask their congregants to tithe.

What do those people get when they tithe?

Lies.

And then more lies.

What has religion done for a man like Chuck all his life -- other than lie to him?

Bill Schuler lived in a Hutterite farming colony.

He lived in poverty and contributed his labor -- the sweat of his brow -- to that colony and its well-being.

He was fervent in his acceptance of colony beliefs.

Yet he was thrown out for expressing affection for a fellow Man in the colony.

Then he joined the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints.

A wealthy Church, and flush not just with funds but with worldly power.

Even so, they required him to tithe.

So he tithed to LDS.

And then he was thrown out of LDS once again and simply for expressing his feelings as a Man.

How many of you tithe to churches which lie to you --

and reject you?

How many of you have memberships in gay sites and contribute to gay organizations -- which also lie to you and reject you?

How many of you spend $50 or $100 or more each and every month on analist porn; or "straight" porn; or on cable TV -- which also lie to you and reject you.

WAKE UP!

We're telling you the truth.

Isn't the truth worth more than a lie?

I ask you again: What's it worth to reach a guy like Chuck?

I've spent my entire life trying to reach guys like Chuck.

Because I think guys like Chuck matter.

Because I think guys like you matter.

Do you?

If you do then you need to FIGHT BACK.

And right now that means DONATE.

I made my decision a long time ago.

I'm doing, as I have throughout my life, all I can.

What are you doing?

I'm posting this at a time of great personal trouble for myself -- when my husband is very ill.

I'm posting it in the hope that Chuck's story will reach some of you and break through what I think of as your stony-heartedness.

I know you have reasons for feeling as you do.

I know that many of you have gone through years of rejection and disappointment.

I also know that our society encourages you to think of yourself first.

While discouraging compassion and community.

But you need compassion and community.

That's a basic rule of human life.

Warrior societies are built upon compassion and community: fellow-feeling and the fight towards a common goal.

Warriors understand that when you give to others, they give back to you.

And there are so many waiting for you to give to them -- that they may give back to you.

THERE ARE LITERALLY MILLIONS OF MEN LIKE CHUCK OUT THERE -- JUST WAITING FOR YOU TO EXTEND YOUR HAND.

Help them.

Help yourself.

"Normal and natural. Those are two words I like to hear," said Chuck.

Imagine that those two words came to characterize the TRUE LOVE of MAN for MAN all over the world.

Your life -- and the lives of ALL MEN -- would be so much better.

Help them.

Help yourself.

FIGHT BACK

DONATE

Bill Weintraub

August 3, 2007

© All material Copyright 2007 by Bill Weintraub. All rights reserved.