Hey Bill,

Well, now that I've got some time to write you, I end up not sure what to say except that I'm in agreement with you 100% ... Labels ARE meaningless.

I used to think that our American 'culture of denial', combined with the radical feminist movement, was causing men of all stripes to seek out physical gratification with other men. In my 37 years on this earth, I have come to learn that the number of men who enjoy sex with other men is far, far greater than any percentages we've been given, whether that be the 10% of the queer activists or the 2-3% given by the right wing.

No, in my experience, the number of males I've met in my life who will, in confidence, admit to some form of same-sex contact in their lives numbers ... ONE HUNDRED PER CENT. Whether this contact was in the form of juvenile "experimentation" along the lines of "you show me yours and I'll show you mine" or that of a man finally giving in to seek out those pleasures which he *knows* cannot be offered him by his wife/female companion, it matters not. Our binary labeling system of 'straight' vs. 'gay' only describes the endpoints of a system, and ignores the vast variation in-between. Which is silly, really, because it allows gays and straights alike to practice a form of sexual apartheid, and one I've *never* agreed with. For one thing, it keeps men in a constant state of fearful denial, leading to such incidents as the death of Matthew Shepard. It also, now, leads to a culture of masculinity perceived as juvenile, such as the antics one finds in "Jackass" or "The Man Show". The cultural message sent to men these days is that they can't do anything meaningful together except fart and drool over busty women. It keeps us feeling forever fourteen, enslaved to our hormones. It's WRONG.

Men today are in far more need of liberation than women ever were.

I'm glad you've enjoyed my writings on www.Everything2.com [see, for example,Why I Ran Way From Home].

I'm very glad I have that forum to express myself, as no mainstream gay media would accept my views, either labeling me an internalized homophobe or right-wing "betrayer" of the gay rights cause.

Which is frustrating ... because if I have to choose one before the other, as it seems our society wants me to do, then I will always choose being a MAN before being gay, or straight, or whatever. Now that I've been exposed to the thoughts of many other men via your site, I'm *convinced* that the fluidity of male sexuality is something we've all too long ignored, and that we need to revert to the views of pre-Freudian society, where one's sexuality was *not* defined. It's impossible to define it, so why labor under the misassumption that we can?

Every single one of my long-term relationships with men have been with men who would, if pressed, call themselves "straight". In many of these relationships, I have been the *only* male my partner has ever been involved with. These relationships have been some of the most fulfilling, joyous, pleasurable experiences I have ever been lucky enough to have, and my partners would say the same. And yet, while I speak of them freely to those who will listen, in many cases my partner cannot ... there's no way his friends and family would understand. All because men, for whatever reason, feel they'd rather die than reveal this "terrible secret" to those close to them.

It damages us. It diminishes us. It makes liars of us all. And, sad to say, the so-called leaders of the so-called "gay rights" movement only wish to continue down the path set by those who died as a result of their views. It has to stop, somehow, and only by providing a safe forum for men to realize that they are *not* alone in their desire for physical and sexual expression with other men will it ever change. It will come slowly, but it will come.

Even though I'm not yet forty years old, I've been called a "gay elder" by many of the younger gay men on Everything2 ... and when I look to gay men older than I, I find a HUGE empty gap, a gap that should be filled with vital, healthy, happy men. Instead, the excesses that the sexual revolution wrought upon gay men 1-20 years older than me wiped them out practically to the last man. And, having lost about fifty friends and acquaintances to the plague, I still grieve, but I also have a lot of anger towards them ... how selfish of them, to continue a practice they knew to be fatal. How ignorant they were, to ignore their responsibility to those that followed them. How stupid they were, to throw away their lives so selfishly, leaving the generation that follows mine no leadership, no wisdom, no experience ... only death. Is it any wonder that barebacking is on a frightening increase amongst males younger than we?

Since that generation is gone, I have no choice but to assume a role I don't feel old enough, wise enough, or experienced enough to assume. I must tell the men younger than I that there's another way to express one's deepest desires and needs. And I do ... through frot, through mutual masturbation, through many forms of sexual expression that aren't an emulation of heterosexual sex, I try to tell them.

I hope the message gets through ... but if it doesn't, at least I can refer them to your site :-) Thanks for all the hard work you've put into getting this message out ... and for all the hard work still ahead of you. :-)

Eric