Warrior Eric Lupin

Introductory note from bill:

In this incisive essay, Warrior Eric takes as his starting point a comment I'd made about an ardent tale of cock2cock told by a man who insisted, as his prose lept from one vividly remembered detail to the next, that he wasn't gay.

With which I agreed -- but noted that he wasn't "straight" either.

Labels, I said, are meaningless.

In the essay below, Eric speaks brilliantly to that and other aspects of contemporary male life.


Warrior Eric Lupin

Hey Bill,

Well, now that I've got some time to write you, I end up not sure what to say except that I'm in agreement with you 100% ... Labels ARE meaningless.

I used to think that our American 'culture of denial', combined with the radical feminist movement, was causing men of all stripes to seek out physical gratification with other men. In my 37 years on this earth, I have come to learn that the number of men who enjoy sex with other men is far, far greater than any percentages we've been given, whether that be the 10% of the queer activists or the 2-3% given by the right wing.

No, in my experience, the number of males I've met in my life who will, in confidence, admit to some form of same-sex contact in their lives numbers ... ONE HUNDRED PER CENT. Whether this contact was in the form of juvenile "experimentation" along the lines of "you show me yours and I'll show you mine" or that of a man finally giving in to seek out those pleasures which he *knows* cannot be offered him by his wife/female companion, it matters not. Our binary labeling system of 'straight' vs. 'gay' only describes the endpoints of a system, and ignores the vast variation in-between. Which is silly, really, because it allows gays and straights alike to practice a form of sexual apartheid, and one I've *never* agreed with. For one thing, it keeps men in a constant state of fearful denial, leading to such incidents as the death of Matthew Shepard. It also, now, leads to a culture of masculinity perceived as juvenile, such as the antics one finds in "Jackass" or "The Man Show". The cultural message sent to men these days is that they can't do anything meaningful together except fart and drool over busty women. It keeps us feeling forever fourteen, enslaved to our hormones. It's WRONG.

Men today are in far more need of liberation than women ever were.

I'm glad you've enjoyed my writings on [see, for example,Why I Ran Way From Home].

I'm very glad I have that forum to express myself, as no mainstream gay media would accept my views, either labeling me an internalized homophobe or right-wing "betrayer" of the gay rights cause.

Which is frustrating ... because if I have to choose one before the other, as it seems our society wants me to do, then I will always choose being a MAN before being gay, or straight, or whatever. Now that I've been exposed to the thoughts of many other men via your site, I'm *convinced* that the fluidity of male sexuality is something we've all too long ignored, and that we need to revert to the views of pre-Freudian society, where one's sexuality was *not* defined. It's impossible to define it, so why labor under the misassumption that we can?

Every single one of my long-term relationships with men have been with men who would, if pressed, call themselves "straight". In many of these relationships, I have been the *only* male my partner has ever been involved with. These relationships have been some of the most fulfilling, joyous, pleasurable experiences I have ever been lucky enough to have, and my partners would say the same. And yet, while I speak of them freely to those who will listen, in many cases my partner cannot ... there's no way his friends and family would understand. All because men, for whatever reason, feel they'd rather die than reveal this "terrible secret" to those close to them.

It damages us. It diminishes us. It makes liars of us all. And, sad to say, the so-called leaders of the so-called "gay rights" movement only wish to continue down the path set by those who died as a result of their views. It has to stop, somehow, and only by providing a safe forum for men to realize that they are *not* alone in their desire for physical and sexual expression with other men will it ever change. It will come slowly, but it will come.

Even though I'm not yet forty years old, I've been called a "gay elder" by many of the younger gay men on Everything2 ... and when I look to gay men older than I, I find a HUGE empty gap, a gap that should be filled with vital, healthy, happy men. Instead, the excesses that the sexual revolution wrought upon gay men 1-20 years older than me wiped them out practically to the last man. And, having lost about fifty friends and acquaintances to the plague, I still grieve, but I also have a lot of anger towards them ... how selfish of them, to continue a practice they knew to be fatal. How ignorant they were, to ignore their responsibility to those that followed them. How stupid they were, to throw away their lives so selfishly, leaving the generation that follows mine no leadership, no wisdom, no experience ... only death. Is it any wonder that barebacking is on a frightening increase amongst males younger than we?

Since that generation is gone, I have no choice but to assume a role I don't feel old enough, wise enough, or experienced enough to assume. I must tell the men younger than I that there's another way to express one's deepest desires and needs. And I do ... through frot, through mutual masturbation, through many forms of sexual expression that aren't an emulation of heterosexual sex, I try to tell them.

I hope the message gets through ... but if it doesn't, at least I can refer them to your site :-) Thanks for all the hard work you've put into getting this message out ... and for all the hard work still ahead of you. :-)



Men before Freud

This is a website that raises some interesting points. I feel that our society is sadly diminished because men are no longer allowed to express this type of affection that was so prevalent in the late 19th and early 20th century:

If men took pictures together like this today, they wouldn't be labeled as just "gay", they'd be called screaming, flaming faggots, and quite possibly put their lives at risk for doing nothing more than expressing *affection*, regardless of whether or not they chose to express themselves sexually as well.

And that's WRONG. Every fiber, every cell, every iota of my soul screams that it's wrong. No one should feel afraid for their lives simply because they're close friends with someone. Ever.



Re: Labels Are Meaningless


I agree with what Eric says. I'm a 32 year old straight who has enjoyed frot since me and a buddy unexpectedly discovered it when we were 14. When I was 19-20 I met a friend who was gay and he developed a crush on me. At first he had no problem with my being stra8. I certainly had no problem with his being gay. I was not attracted to him, but it is nice to have someone able and willing to have sex with as the mood arises. Besides, like I mentioned, I enjoyed frot. However, it wasn't long before he started getting jealous about some of the young women I was dating. He tried convincing me I was really gay and that I just hadn't accepted this fact. Then he once tried almost forcefully to take me analy. This was the last straw. So it's been 12 years since I've been with a guy. Once in awhile I'll go to a gay bar (I live in LA) but I'm always afraid I'll end up in a crazy situation I'd rather not be in. I still miss frot (I wouldn't be visiting this great site if I didn't) so I usually leave alone well before closing time. Too bad there aren't more stra8 guys who aren't so paranoid about turning gay if they enjoy some occasional cock2cock. I'd love to find another frot buddy but I don't want the head trips that might come from a gay guy like my friend I described above.

Robert Loring

Re: Labels ARE meaningless


You're right!! Men today ARE much more in need of liberation than anyone else!! Men may not be slaves physically but within their minds they are chained up slaves. Those chains are the expectations that society puts upon us in terms of unrealistic expectations about what it is to be a man or what a man "should be". Men try to live up to these expectations and fail because they are, in fact, unattainable myths. As a result, many men end up feeling unworthy and inadequate and either self condemnation and/or machoism sets in. The man is now enslaved within his own mind and there is no worse form of slavery than that.

Modern society has taken much of what has been traditionally and historically RIGHT and tried to turn it into WRONG. And they have taken much of what traditionally and historically has been deemed WRONG and tried to turn it into RIGHT. But it is NOT working!! That is one reason why growing numbers of men and women today feel beaten down and hopelessness. One of the results of this trying to turn right into wrong has been feelings of sexual guilt and sexual inadequacy which only further enslaves a person and beats them down even further. Along with this comes the social labels. Labels which cast someone into a concrete psychological "cell" and this only further beats them down.

Sexual guilt and sexual frustration is behind alot of this and we owe it to the illustrious misguided and screwed up Puritan Ethic. Religion has actually done more to DESTROY people than to lift them up and inspire them!! Religion loves labeling people and they do not hesitate to throw those labels all around sometimes ruthlessly, although they claim they have "compassion".

One phrase I love from the relgious right in this nation is "hate the sin, love the sinner". Excuse me?? In the Puritan mindset that is NOT possible because one ends up equating the "sin" with the "sinner" and no real distinction is made. Condemnation, judgement, and labeling are the result and all these things are acts of HUMAN DESTRUCTION pawned of as "brotherly love". Bull !!

All of you guys remember out there that YOU DON'T have to live up to the labels so ruthlessly thrown upon you!! YOU DON'T have to be like or who they say! People who label others are people living in disaster and they dont ever have to concern themselves with going to "hell" because they themselves are ALREADY there in their own minds. That is why they are so judgemental, condemning, and angry even though they claim to follow "love". They are Destroyers and my advice to you is BITE BACK!! Don't allow people to throw labels on you and DON'T YOU LIVE UP TO THOSE LABELS!!

Related and highly recommended article: Sex Between Men: An Activity, Not A Condition.

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