Joe

The Analist Hegemony: some observations

3/20/2002

Fellow Warriors:

I would like to share with you some of my thoughts brought about by recent postings on this site.

My story begins when I was a teenager: my earliest fantasies were always of cock to cock rubbing or JO with other boys or men. I guess I knew then that I was different, but I had no language to express my feelings, so I never developed a "gay" mindset per se, I just was attracted to men. When I was 17, my best friend in high school and I had our first man to man experience in which we ended up rubbing cocks. (If you want to read about it see my post on 11/6/00, titled My First Experience.) We repeated the experience often, and the idea of anal sex NEVER entered our minds (to this day I find the thought of it repulsive). It was during this time that I started denying my sexuality, and started living a false life as a "straight" man: I dated women and put on a facade to family and friends that I was "normal." One of the rationales that I used was: I don't do anal sex, therefore, I'm not gay.

When I went to college, I continued this double life by meeting other men clandestinely for frottage or JO, but openly dating women. The strain of this double existence led me to seek ways of repressing my sexuality, and I ended up addicted to marijuana. I discovered that getting high allowed me to fully repress my sexual urges toward men, and at the same time I was able to maintain intimate relationships with men by substituting intoxication for sex: all of my pot-smoking buddies were men. By this time (the mid 1970's) the gay liberation movement had built up quite a bit of momentum, and I watched with envy as others came out while I stayed closeted. Of course, by this time the movement was sending the signal that anal sex was what gay men did: if you didn't fuck, you weren't gay, and since I never wanted to either give or receive anal sex I just knew I wasn't gay. My college roommate was gay, but not me! (Sadly he died of AIDS three years ago, another victim of the buttfuck dictatorship.)

By the mid 80's, I had so fully convinced myself that I wasn't gay, that I got married to a wonderful woman. We have a deep and compassionate bond, and she helped me to quit the drug habit, I am forever in her debt. The down side to this is that without the drug, I could no longer keep my sexual desires for men (actually a particular man) repressed. As the realization that I am a homosexual sank in, I realized at the same time, that I didn't have to buy in to the analist hegemony, I could be a gay man on my own terms. Now I have to begin the process of coming out, and I can't do it without hurting people I love. Even though I know my wife will be understanding, she will still be hurt and feel betrayed. So, you can see that there are living victims of the analists, and that they have shut out many people from finding their true sexual identities, by insisting on one point of view.

Bill, and all you other guys, keep up the fight! To all of you who read this and find a little of yourself in my writing, don't wait until it's too late: take ownership of your sexuality, and don't ever let anyone tell you that only one kind of activity defines it.

I know that this post is lengthy, and I hope I haven't bored you all. There is, of course, much more to say. Thanks for letting me rant.

Joe

COCKRUB WARRIORS RULE!!!

Also by Joe: Keep It Up, Bill!

Surprise Frot