Bill Weintraub

Re: I'm so grateful this resource is available because it has changed my life.

4-9-2009

Hey Jason,

Thank you for this terrific letter!

Let's take a look:

I wrote an e-mail to my friend to thank her for unwittingly sending the man2man site my way. This is an edited, lengthier version of that letter:

This might sound rather weird, but I have to say it and I think you're the sort to be well receptive: I wanted to THANK YOU

Please thank her for us as well.

I hope she'll share the Alliance with other folks she thinks may be interested.

Jason, we've been very heavily censored in the gay press and on the net in places like Wikipedia, as well as on ordinary gay -- that is, analist -- sites -- which commonly delete any reference to us, etc.

So we need people like your friend -- and YOU -- to get the word out.

Energetically -- and -- obsessively.

The buttboys are determined to silence us.

You have to be more determined -- that we -- and YOU -- will be heard.

for showing me the frot webpage because it got to me and it has brought a world of change into my life.

Jason, that's great!

In my case, I've spent almost ten years up till now not totally feeling like I fit into the gay community because of how much weight is put on anal sex: it was a HUGE point of dissent for me.

Jason, that speaks well of you.

And I have to say that I really felt the grips of "anal tyranny," which fucked with my self-esteem a good amount.

Right -- and let's focus first of all on "anal tyranny" -- which we call analism -- the dominant culture of anal penetration.

The first thing you need to understand is that the hegemony of anal in gay male life is very recent.

I date it to 1975.

There are some people who put it back about a decade earlier.

But, as I said in my first published piece, Hyacinthine Love, I was there, I witnessed the change.

It occurred in 1975, and it was a paradigm shift -- that is, a significant change in cultural norms.

Prior to 75, oral and frot / mutual masturbation predominated.

And in the 50s and 60s, as Jack Nichols pointed out in his Interview with me, guys into anal were denigrated as brownie queens.

As they will be someday again.

So this is a recent shift.

And, again, it's a cultural shift -- this is a problem in culture and not something else.

For example, one of our guys wrote to me recently and said, We need more Frot porn.

If there was more Frot porn, he said, there'd be more guys into Frot.

That's not correct.

In point of fact, producers of "professional porn" know about cocktocock dick2dick cockrub Frot.

It's their business to know about it.

They don't produce dick2dick porn because the market is too small -- there's no money in it.

For example, just today I got an email from a pornographer advertising a new nude fight site.

And no, I'm not going to post the name here because many of our guys are just stupid and venial enough that they'd go to the site and give the guy money.

But what the site is about is "wrestling for top."

Two guys "wrestle" and the "winner" fucks the "loser."

That's an expression of the subculture's values and views about sex.

Believe me, the producer of the porn doesn't care what happens at the end of the "bout."

He's only interested in money -- and maximizing the return on his investment.

If there were money in having the "actors" rub cocks -- that's what he'd have em do.

The pornographer is simply responding to the market.

And the market is an expression of the CULTURE.

Let's repeat that: the market is an expression of the CULTURE.

Now, just so you know -- there is a cocktocock "porn" site -- it's called cocktocockstories.com, and its creator, Mart Finn, is a staunch supporter of the Alliance.

Like I say, he has his own site, with streaming video, etc.

But it's a labor of love for Mart.

He's not getting rich.

Someday, I have no doubt, the paradigm will shift, and at that point the pro's will be lining up -- maybe -- to try to buy Mart's site.

But so far -- that's not happening.

And, by the way -- will that be a good thing, the pro's getting in there and producing Frot porn?

NO!

The world doesn't need more porn, professionally produced or otherwise.

It needs more MORALITY in sex.

That's what it needs.

This site is about morality and making moral judgements in the sexual and affectional realm.

About understanding Love between Men as it was historically understood -- as a force which has a place in the Moral structure of society and the Moral Lives of Men.

Something we discuss most recently in Warrior Chris's Reclaiming Our Nobility As Men.

Ck it out.

So -- the anal tyranny is a CULTURAL tyranny.

It's essential, Jason, and everyone else, that you understand that and understand the way a cultural tyranny works.

Otherwise, your life will never make sense to you.

And beyond that, you need to understand that analism, which is a belief-system and a cultural tyranny, is a by-product of an historical process we call heterosexualization.

It's very important that you understand heterosexualization.

And a good place to start is with The Power of the Masculine.

I always felt so childish

Yes -- this is what I mean.

You felt "childish" because the CULTURE tells you you're childish if you cannot or will not overcome your very natural distaste for anal penetration.

An act which is not only dirty and dangerous, but inherently degrading.

But you felt "childish" because the CULTURE says that males who don't like anal are immature and incomplete.

What the neo-Freudians used to call "psychosexually blocked."

You're not "blocked."

But the analists, who are the successors, with their ardent championing of sexual orientation, to the neo-Freudian pseudo-medical model of "homosexuality," use the same thinking --

that there are "stages" in "psychosexual development," and that for "gay males," anal is the highest or most mature stage.

Guys who haven't reached or "refuse" to reach that stage are, therefore, and ipso facto, childish.

And the buttboys are quite determinedly blind to the fact -- FACT -- that in the 50s and 60s, heterosexualists and heterosexists made EXACTLY the same argument vis-a-vis "homosexuality": that penile-vaginal -- which was called "full genital maturity" -- was the highest stage, and that "homosexuals" therefore were immature and childish.

"Blocked."

As someone who lived through the neo-Freudian era, I can tell you that the analist use of the same tactics and reasoning used by "heterosexuals" against "homosexuals" is both sickening and appalling.

But that doesn't stop them doing it.

When you're trying to defend the indefensible -- those are the tactics you use.

because time passed and time passed and I never, never got over how off-putting anal sex was. The pain, the pressure, the smell, the soreness, the sick feeling it gave me, the way it made me feel afterwards -- unfulfilled, used, let down, filthy, ashamed.

Yep -- those are all appropriate and understandable feelings.

But there's a vast cultural apparatus at work telling males -- to ignore those feelings.

To get on your knees, bitch, and have some fun.

I've been the victim of good deal of head games. I spent almost four years in a relationship with someone who I think pretty clearly resented me for never wanting to have anal.

Yes -- and it would have been surprising had he not resented your refusal to do anal.

He was merely reflecting the cultural norm.

So often I got messages that not doing anal was not enough, that there was no satisfaction unless the holy, manmade pinnacle of homosexuality was practiced. "We don't have sex!!

Right.

Among gay-identified males, sex is defined as anal.

To this day, even after years of our putting forth the plain and indisputable points that sex is about genitals, not anuses, and that ONLY Frot is mutually and directly genital --

the buttboys will insist that Frot is not real sex.

They're wrong.

Dead wrong.

But that doesn't stop them.

They're functioning as cultural messengers, and they'll do and say anything -- to defend anal.

You don't see that as a problem?!" (We don’t have ANY sex??) "You'll like it." (Not likely.) "It'll be so hot once you like it." (Sure.) So great: there was one point of contention and source of distress in that relationship, not to mention what a huge weight it was to always have that expectation hanging over me. In my eyes, my aversion to anal also had plenty to do with his desires to date other people while we were doing long-distance. To my knowledge he didn't do this, but the implicit rationale was still crystal clear for me. And it messed with my head.

Not surprisingly.

Meanwhile, I kept in my head the memories from my first gay experiences, which were some of the best.

Jason, I hear you, but those were not your first "gay" experiences.

They were your first male-male sexual experiences, or simply man2man experiences.

They weren't "gay" -- they were same-sex and man2man.

And you can guess why: When you're young and with another guy, you do the all fun things you want to do: jerk off, suck each other off a little, and wrestle. None of this anal crap yet. Who's learned to do it so young?

Right.

The problem is that nowadays guys are learning it young because they're learning it from the internet at age eleven and twelve.

And "learning" is the operative word.

Guys have to be acculturated into anal -- they have to be taught to do it.

What you did with your buddy was completely, as Frances says, natural and organic, totally unscripted -- it just happened.

Maybe I would be surprised. But at sixteen, there was a night he came over to stay. That was the best night we had: We spent a good two hours wrestling and tickling each other all over my room. We worked up quite a sweat in a room that was so cold from the winter draft. Towards the end all the excitement, he pinned me down sitting on my chest and hanging in my face was the smell of his crotch and his fly, which his hard dick was poking in my direction. We sat there a while, our eyes locked, with me inhaling the moment and savoring it. I remember that moment well. We didn't go any further that night, but whatever did happen after that I can't even recall. It was truly inconsequential.

Later I had another great experience with a guy. We fooled around on occasion, and while I didn't usually get much enjoyment out of it on my end, there was one night where it was like the Fourth of July. I never knew how powerful it was to cum by dick-rubbing, how wrapped up in it you could get when you're sweating and your breath is in sync with the other guy.

Right!

So keeping those thoughts in mind really ... um, comforted me. That was how I conceived of sex with men, you know? As an expression of masculinity.

Right.

That's what sex between Men is meant to be:

An Expression of Masculinity

With sweat, playful aggression, and hormones raging. But I came to never think of those things as sex. Not only had I been "corrected" numerous times in my life that 'sex' is only what happens when there's penetration to the point where I accepted it, but I had over time also internalized the anal doctrine, so that what I had done before and enjoyed immensely was reduced to child's play and even something UNmasculine. You bet I thought of it just the opposite deep down, but I also thought I was wrong.

Yes -- that's the power of a dominant culture.

It can get you to believe things which you don't believe.

There is in that respect, and as I've written about, a truly Orwellian feel to analist culture.

So it's incredible and really empowering to know that there are men right here, right in the US, who think it is OKAY, even BEAUTIFUL, not to do anything you don't want to do, namely butt-fucking. I found that many of the messages on the man2man website were things that I had always thought about men, masculinity and sexuality, but never heard, that didn't seem to match up with the cultural models produced by contemporary, mainstream gay society (and, good lord, especially not by straight society).

Right.

Because those cultural models are being produced by two different dominant cultures, one analist, the other heterosexist, both of which are products of heterosexualization, and both of which ghettoize same-sex affection, intimacy, and love.

As my foreign friend has said,

Gay men represent the dust bin created by the heterosexualised society to contain the mutilated / negativised remnants of male-male sex that survives after the intense oppression of them in the mainstream...

What we need to understand is that "straight men" too are mutilated by this system.

They're forced to live in perpetual denial of their same-sex needs and desires.

That's deforming.

And that cannot be over-emphasized.

Being attracted to men, for me, was and will always be about equality and the rapport that comes from the mutual understanding men have of one another physically and emotionally.

Exactly!

And like the rest of your letter, very well-said.

It did not have and will never have anything to do with any of the dom-sub, top-bottom, male-female-esque roles -- sexual, romantic, or otherwise -- that were presented to me through even the most progressive media.

Right.

In point of fact, the progressive media, along with the not-so-progressive media, have helped cement those male-female-esque roles in the public -- and gay-identified-male -- consciousness.

To me The New York Times has been the worst offender.

In the 1960s, 70s, and 80s, gay-identified people could no right in the Times.

Now they can do no wrong.

And the coverage is heavily biased in favor of gender-bending and kink.

For example, just last night, the Times ran an obit of a "gay porn star" named Jack Wrangler with this call out:

Mr. Wrangler, born John Stillman, who appeared in gay and straight sex films, and later wrote and directed cabarets, was a role model for the gay liberation movement.

I have news for the Times.

I was in Gay Lib, and he wasn't a role model for me.

He was guy who made his name in buttfuck porn.

Yuck.

Gay Lib was NOT about buttfuck.

Nor was it about porn.

I know, because I was there.

So the Times is re-writing history.

Even worse, in the obit, the reporter makes Wrangler appear heroic.

He was NOT.

The heroes of gay liberation were guys like my late lover Brett Averill, who sacrificed his career and his income to bring quality journalism into gay life.

Or the guy whose story I recount below, who helped found a gay anti-violence project.

Wrangler was NOT a hero.

But by slanting the obit in that way, the Times gives a buttfuck "porn star" huge credibility with, in particular, young gay-identified guys who are just coming out.

That's tremendously damaging.

And it lends to buttfuck -- the engine which drove and drives to this day HIV and all the other STI epidemics which afflict gay-identified males -- tremendous credibility --

which it does NOT DESERVE.

Wrangler, by the way, according to the Times, appeared in thirty "gay sex films" -- all of which helped popularize anal penetration.

It doesn't seem to occur to the Times that anal porn played a role in the epidemic.

But it did -- and does.

Now, I know I said earlier that the market (for porn) is an expression of the culture.

And that's correct.

But in the case of anal, as I also said, guys have to be acculturated into it.

They have to be taught how to do it, and encouraged to do it.

And anal porn furthers that process.

And clearly, when you're dealing with an anally-vectored disease or diseases, anything which encourages anal -- has the effect of promoting disease.

Which means that Wrangler played a role not just in porn, but in the spread of the HIV epidemic and the deaths of hundreds of thousands of Americans -- something the Times conveniently leaves out.

What the Times includes, in its obit, is a quote from a "gay-oriented online reference" to the effect that in his films, Wrangler demonstrated that "a man can be gay and still be a man."

Again, I have news for the Times -- and its "gay-oriented online reference":

To me, and to a LOT of other guys, a male who engages in anal penetration, whether as top or bottom, is NOT a role model -- for how a man should behave.

To me, anal is degrading to both top and bottom.

And Manliness is not about fucking butt or any other form of shitsex.

When I think of an "actor" in shitporn -- "manly" is not the word which comes to mind.

Nor would I -- nor most sensible people -- associate "porn actor" with "being a man."

There are many professions one might think of, I suppose, as manly.

Porn actor is not one of them.

Yet what you can see in the Times obit is what Jason is talking about:

how "even the most progressive media" seek to glamourize "the dom-sub, top-bottom, male-female-esque roles" of analist culture.

That's very destructive.

Now, I only wish that the frot movement was more culturally visible.

Fine.

There are ways you can help make that happen, including coming out to your friends, posting links, and helping put together a Regional Chapter where you live.

But the first and foremost is by donating.

The sites were and are there for you because some other guy donated.

I'm asking you to return the favor.

And saying to you that if you don't, you betray both yourself --and all those other Men who you KNOW would benefit from the site.

Given the extent of the economic catastrophe -- which is well-understood -- and which is badly hurting us --

You -- and every other guy reading this post -- have without question a moral responsibility to donate, and to donate each and every month.

I don't like hitting a new-comer like yourself, Jason, with so blunt an appeal.

But it's part of my job to keep these sites and our Alliance alive.

And for months what I've been seeing is guys saying, Wow, the Alliance has really helped me -- and then doing NOTHING to help the Alliance in return.

That will never work.

Everyone has to donate -- and donations have to come in monthly.

Not only would there be, as I imagine, TONS of men who are suddenly comfortable with themselves -- a revolution on its own -- but there would also be a great impact on STD/STI transmission rates.

That's correct.

So I definitely regret having ever had anal. Luckily, I can count on one, maybe barely two hands how many times I've engaged in the act. But I never have to do that again.

That's right!

You NEVER have to do that again.

And you never should.

Don't ever do anal.

It's dangerous, dirty, and degrading.

There's NO reason ever to do it.

Never again do I have to think, "Gee, I should try this again so I can like it," since now I KNOW it is not just a part of my sexuality, but also my MASCULINITY that makes me like frot, and it's not some deficiency that makes me instinctually disgusted by shitsex.

That's correct.

You're NOT deficient.

The buttboys are deficient.

You're NOT.

You're "instinctually disgusted by shitsex" -- as you should be.

And, like you said, it's not just a part of your sexuality, but also your MASCULINITY that makes you like Frot.

Frot and Masculinity are inextricably joined.

It's completely incredible how much power you give something when you give it a name. I understand that now, too. I carry the frot mantra around with me these days and I feel good about myself, I have a little swagger in my step. I don't feel so alienated and awkward around men anymore, which had always been a problem.

Good -- I'm glad you no longer feel alienated or awkward around other Men.

Those Men are your Brothers.

Their normal and natural same-sex needs and desires have been brutally suppressed by the forces of heterosexualization and sexual orientation.

And their lives devastated.

But now you can help liberate those Men -- enabling them to be fully and naturally Masculine -- again.

I finally understand men (including myself) in a way that makes sense to me, and not how I thought I was supposed to understand them based on what I got from Rainbow World.

Right.

Rainbow World is putting out a poisonously anti-masculine view of men.

Not good.

What it feels like is coming out again.

Yes -- early on in doing this work I heard from a gay lib colleague who was one of the prime movers and shakers in the creation of the NYC Gay and Lesbian Anti-Violence Project.

He said that he felt he could never fully come out -- because he was into Frot.

That's really amazing.

His work -- all volunteer, totally unpaid, and, because it involved crime, crime victims, police, and prosecutors -- very gritty -- was a huge benefit to the "gay community."

But he was discriminated against -- by that "community."

Yet he -- and not Jack Wrangler -- was an authentic Gay Lib hero.

And he -- and not Jack Wrangler -- should be a role model -- for Men.

It's like a huge weight was lifted from my shoulders with the disappearance of the gay label.

Yes -- and many other Men have said the same to me.

"Gay," like "straight," is a trap.

A box.

A cage.

Human beings don't do well in cages.

Jason, you're a Man -- and that's the only identifier you need.

And, hey, it makes sense if I think women are hot from time to time! None of that, "No one's really bi" talk is getting in anymore.

Good.

Because that talk is false.

Everyone's "bi."

What's bizarre about analism is how it manages to get EVERYTHING wrong.

It turns every value upside down.

And every truth into a lie.

Or it tries to.

But ultimately it cannot succeed.

Truth will out.

Truth is your ally Jason -- and there's no ally more powerful than Truth.

I really feel like I broke free from something. I'm so grateful that this resource is available because it has changed my life.

Great Jason!

I'm glad we're here for you.

And I hope you'll help make it possible for us to change many other lives as well.

In part, simply by being here.

Bill Weintraub

How bout it guys?

Do you want to help make it possible for us to change the lives of other guys like Jason?

Or would you rather just go on sitting on your wallet?

Jason said:

I never, never got over how off-putting anal sex was. The pain, the pressure, the smell, the soreness, the sick feeling it gave me, the way it made me feel afterwards -- unfulfilled, used, let down, filthy, ashamed.

Haven't you felt the same?

Do you think it's right that Men should be subjected to that pain, pressure, smell, soreness, sick feeling -- just to play out the buttboys' effeminized and heterosexualized view of male-male "sex"?

Do you think it's right that Men should be pressured and coerced the way Jason was -- and most of you were and are -- to have that sort of "sex" -- over and over and over again?

And then be left feeling unfulfilled, used, let down, filthy, and ashamed?

Is that right?

Do you think it's right that Men like Jason -- and yourself -- should be subjected to that?

If you don't, why don't you do something about it?

Jason said, of wrestling and rubbing cocks, that

That was how I conceived of sex with men, you know? As an expression of masculinity. With sweat, playful aggression, and hormones raging.

Right.

That's what sex between Men is meant to be:

An Expression of Masculinity

With sweat, playful aggression, and hormones raging.

That's What Sex Is.

Don't you think that's What Sex Is?

And do you think it's right to let the buttboys go on and on and on and on and on and on and on -- denying that?

Forbidding it?

Calling it childish?

And then pressuring you and coercing you into doing something else?

Do you think that's right?

Do you think it's cool that they use neo-Freudian language -- which for decades was used to oppress same-sex lovers -- to oppress you?

How much abuse will you take?

In his posts Frot & Army and Men and Fear, Warrior and former Soviet soldier Viktor Marchenko has tried to get you guys to do -- something.

What he doesn't understand -- I think in large part because he's not from the West -- is just how not merely stupid, as I said above, but venal -- that means evil and corrupt -- most of you actually are.

Viktor does understand that our Western culture of creature comforts has unmanned you --

but he doesn't understand to what extent.

I do.

Because I've been dealing with you for so many years.

We, our civilization, and virtually all of the rest of the globe, now face a tremendous crisis, a crisis brought on by greed, selfishness, and an unwillingness to recognize how our actions have shaped our world.

You've responded, almost to a male, by becomimg more selfish, more greedy, and more unwilling to face your responsibility for the life you lead.

In recent weeks, we've had post after post -- by Chris, by Ray, by Phil, by Jason -- talking about what a HUGE benefit our sites and our Alliance has been in their lives.

And those are only the posts you see.

I get far more letters -- than I receive permission to post.

You've responded to those posts -- with a great, collective, yawn.

As though Men and Masculinity simply don't matter to you.

Fine.

If that's true, you should 1) stop visiting the sites; and 2) cut off your balls -- because you don't need them.

You're gonna lose them anyways.

Because, like I said, in an earler post, it's use em or lose em.

You either find your courage and use it -- or you'll have no courage left to use.

Jason said that he'd always conceived of sex between Men as "an expression of Masculinity."

Not as an expression of heterosexualization -- which is what shitsex is -- but as an Expression of Masculinity.

And he added:

Being attracted to men, for me, was and will always be about equality and the rapport that comes from the mutual understanding men have of one another physically and emotionally. It did not have and will never have anything to do with any the dom-sub, top-bottom, male-female-esque roles -- sexual, romantic, or otherwise -- that were presented to me through even the most progressive media.

So:

Sex between Men can be an expression of equality;

or an expression of dominance and submission, of male-female-esque roles.

How do you conceive of sex between Men -- bro?

And how do you want the rest of the world -- to conceive of it?

Jason has, at least and at last, helped by the Alliance, found the courage to live his own life.

It won't be easy for him, however, because he'll still be living in analist culture, and because there's no real-world support for him.

Something YOU have declined to give him.

Nevertheless, I salute Jason for his brave post and his brave life.

I hope that he'll hold fast to his refusal to do anal;

his refusal to be stripped of his Masculinity;

and his determination to live his life as a MAN.

Bill Weintraub

April 9, 2009

© All material Copyright 2009 by Bill Weintraub. All rights reserved.