Ever since I can remember, society has been awash in, drowning in, submerged in, lies about men who have sex with men.

Every lie imaginable, but the worst being this: that men who have sex with men aren't really men.

That's a lie.

The truth is that men have sex with men, it's a normal and normative human male activity, and, we've been learning, is common in the non-human animal kingdom as well.

And you don't need fancy theories or dissected hypothalami to explain why men have sex with men.

They do it because because it feels great; because they're in love or they're horny or both; because it's a way of bonding -- which is very important to male sociobiology; and, perhaps most of all, because they can, and see no reason to deny themselves this pleasure.

Furthermore, the historical and cross-cultural evidence is crystal clear:

Men have had sex with men since the beginning of time.

The only variable is the societal attitude.

In societies which lack a divine prohibition against same-sex sex, men have sex with men *as men*, openly and joyously -- which is what the Greeks did.

In societies like our own, which have a divine prohibition, the expression of same-sex affection is driven underground and becomes perverted in various ways.

But our culture is not the norm.

So: men have sex with men because they're men.

That's the truth.

I've spent 32 years telling the truth about men who have sex with men -- and if it weren't the truth, if something else were the truth, I would say so.

Because I have no interest -- financial, philosophical, religious, or personal -- in lying about men and sex.

None.

But other people do.

One recently appeared in my email inbox to say that Frot isn't sex, but is rather, just "physical affection."

That's not true.

Frot is genital-genital, erectile tissue on erectile tissue, phallus on phallus sex, it's intensely erotic, it results in orgasms and ejaculations and big messes of creamy white hot jizz -- it's sex.

Male-male sex.

I have nothing against "physical affection," and of course you should be physically affectionate as well as sexual with your male lover.

But to reduce Frot to the category of physical affection is to deny its sexual reality.

Frot is sex, and sex between men.

Why did this man want Frot to be defined as "physical affection" rather than sex?

Because he's a Christian and he's married and is on what is nowadays called "a life journey" and it's easier for him to think about what he wants to do with other guys if he doesn't call it sex.

But it is sex, and lying about it does not help.

It has never helped, and it never will.

Now there's another man out there, also a Christian, who first appeared in my inbox in August full of enthusiasm for our work on this site, but who's now set up his own website, on which he's appropriated a lot of my work without attribution -- -- though he does have a link up to The Man2Man Alliance.

And he's telling men who have sex with men that they're "intergendered."

Specifically, he's telling them that they have some sort of "X0" -- that's an "X" and a "zero" -- chromosome pair, which somehow goes back to Adam, and that's why they're into guys.

Problem: while there is an XO karyotype or descriptor, it's a genetic anamoly and very rare.

So what he's actually talking about is an X and a vacancy -- that's what the "0" or zero stands for -- nothing -- and, to repeat, that X0 karyotype is a genetic anomaly, very rare, which, like most genetic anomalies, usually results in either spontaneous abortion of the foetus or early death.

Let's be clear about that: Most genetic anomalies spontaneously abort or die shortly after birth.

That's why they're "a-nomalies" -- they are rare and far from the norm.

Whereas male homosexuality -- men having sex with men -- is extremely extensive, and in cultures which don't denigrate it, is virtually universal.

If something is a norm -- normative behavior -- it can't be an anomaly nor can it be the effect of an anomaly.

All it can be, in this case, is just part of male behavior.

Unfortunately, it's relatively easy to pull this anomaly bullshit with gay men, because so many of them have bought into the notion that they're not true men, and become effeminized in the process.

And you may be able to pull it with straight guys who think they're the only straight guys who've ever been interested in other guys.

But of course they're not -- that interest is a common and normal one.

And that's why I'll have no part of this X0 nonsense: because it's a lie, and spreading it does nothing but contribute to the continuing oppression of men who have sex with men.

Nevertheless, I'm now getting email from guys who say, gee, I just learned what I am: a g-zero-y -- and that's why I'm into other men.

And I write back and say, it's unfortunate someone told you that, because it's not true. You're a g-u-y, and you're into other guys because it's normal for guys to be into other guys.

That's how it works, that's how it is, being into guys is part of being a guy.

Men who have sex with men are men.

Not genetic anomalies.

But normal men exhibiting normal and normative male behavior.

The religious right doesn't want you to think so -- that's not my problem.

The gay establishment doesn't want you to think so -- that's not my problem either.

It's their problem.

The only thing which interests me is the truth, and this is the truth:

Men have sex with men.

It's normal, it's natural, it's not something you need to worry about or spend a lot of time explaining.

Someone wrote me about that recently; he said, "You're on the right track, man. I have always thought this way. I thought I was the only one. Until I got out of college and started hiring men to do construction work. Now I know... gay bi straight - means nothing. A man's a man. Period. Brotherhood ROCKS!"

That's the truth: Gay bi straight -- means nothing. A man's a man.

Men are men.

And, as it happens and not surprisingly, there's a way for men to have sex with men that's equal, masculine, completely natural, very hot, and very low risk.

That's Frot.

A natural, normal, innocent, safe, and sexually joyous celebration of love and lust between *men*.

As that same correspondent said: "As far as frot goes. I say, right on, man! It kicks! And it doesn't degrade or humilate either guy. There is nothing about man 2 man sex that has to rob a man of his masculinity."

That's right.

And what we've done on this site is presented a number of cultural referents so that guys can see how men related sexually to other men in the past, and how they may do so in a healthy, masculine, and life-affirming way in the present and future.

That's what this is about.

It's not about "physical affection" -- though there's nothing wrong with that -- and it's not about imaginary chromosomes which someone's invented to square his sexuality with what he thinks his religion requires.

Which is bizarre because I'm religious and my lover is religious, and our religion doesn't require us to make up fairy tales about sex or gender to keep us right with God.

So this is not about non-existent chromosomes or revisionist Bible stories.

This is about being male, and being human, and living well and living right -- that is, honestly, and without lies.

Bill Weintraub

April 5, 2004

Related articles:

Are Men Who Have Sex With Men Intergendered?

A Case of Rape

Brothers of the Heart

Bill Weintraub heads The Man2Man Alliance, an organization of men into Frot

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