Posts
from
About Docking and Promiscuity
Posts
from
About Docking and Promiscuity
About Docking and Promiscuity
2-2-2002
Recently two of the guys in this club, guys whom I really love and to whom I'm beholden, wanted to post about docking, and I told them no.
This site does not endorse docking, nor do we have pictorial representations of it, and I want to explain why.
Although like many men into cock2cock, I find the idea of docking very hot, docking is, as I understand it, at least potentially, unsafe. I don't know if there's been a documented case of sero-conversion from docking -- I doubt it, because people tend to do other things as well -- but I understand the reason doctors are concerned about docking.
If you dock and you and your partner cum in each other's hoods, the ejaculate erupts into a very contained space, and can flow -- actually be forced -- into both of your distal urethras -- your piss-slits.
The lining of the distal urethra is not skin -- it's mucuousal, and far more vulnerable to infection than is unbroken skin.
As men who love other men, we have an obligation -- I consider it a sacred obligation -- not to spread disease, and not to create new vectors for disease.
We have lost, in America alone, easily half a million men to an STD, and every day there are 51 new infections from anal "sex."
That's not acceptable to me, and it will never be acceptable to me.
And that's one of the reasons I get so angry at those of you who don't participate in the political life of the club. You have a responsibility to help other men understand that they can have deeply satisfying sex without endangering their lives.
And when you are silent -- when you don't write gayhealth.com or QAF to take two recent examples -- you become complicit in this ongoing disaster. It's what Roman Catholics, in their wisdom, call a sin of omission, and they're right -- no matter how you look at it, you have failed in your duty to others.
So this site is not about spreading disease or helping to popularize new ways for "gay" and bi men to self-destruct.
One of the points to
Cockrub Warriors -- not the only point, but one -- is that you can have really fabulous sex safely.
But to do that you have to have sex consciously -- aware, as with any other activity, that there are risks.
For example, when I rub, I sometimes get abraded. When that happens, I stop having sex until my cock has healed.
So I've written about how me and my late lover Brett had a very passionate cockrub relationship all through his HIV infection and AIDS.
But even before I knew Brett had HIV, if my cock was abraded, I didn't let him cum on it. I didn't let anyone do that -- not even back in the 70s, when we thought all STDs were treatable.
Recently a man my age, who like me watched as successive epidemics broke over the community in waves and then saw an entire generation destroyed by AIDS, wrote me that he was sometimes called a prude by his friends, when in reality he was simply prudent.
He's right.
What was remarkable was the degree to which other gay men were not prudent, but instead engaged compulsively in sex which violated the most elementary rules of hygiene.
I learned two hard lessons from AIDS.
One is that the universe is an unforgiving place, and that a simple lapse in judgment can destroy your life.
And the other, equally nasty, is that things can always get worse. Just when you think you've hit bottom, you discover that there's a whole nother floor waiting down below.
I call that AIDS 101. But we all need to learn from the hard lessons of AIDS.
I titled this post "About Docking and Promiscuity." Because
promiscuity is the other part of the puzzle and the problem.
You can dock safely if you and your partner are monogamous and both negative. And you can have anal "sex" safely if you're monogamous and both negative too, though you cannot escape the mechanical damage and degradation which are built in to anal.
But you can't dock promiscuously and be safe.
There is no such thing as safe promiscuity. Not in our present state of medical knowledge, and not with our ability to spread disease at jet speed.
Safe promiscuity is an oxymoron -- a contradiction in terms.
So Cockrub Warriors is not about another way to get off.
It's about another way to connect.
And if you connect consciously with your man, the only thing you'll spread is joy.
bill
PS
If people want to post in dissent about docking, that's fine, because it's a legitimate question for a dick2dick club to be discussing.
But I'm unlikely to change my position on docking.
Back in the late 70s I had 2 gay male doctors tell me that, with the exception of Hep B, there was no such thing as an untreatable STD.
They're both dead now, and I wish they weren't -- they were good doctors and caring people who thought they were helping to promulgate a sex-positive message.
But they were wrong.
Re: About Docking and Promiscuity
2-3-2002
I don't feel informed enough medically to say too much. I know I have a 'draw' to docking. I have never had orgasm whilst docked.
It is the transfer of other STD's (gonerrea & syphillis) which has made me shy away from the practice of docking. It is still strong in my fantasy & jo visualisations.
I am glad Bill has opened a discussion on this dick2dick practice. I know I for one can only be better informed from the interaction.
Again I am motivated to do some research ...
thanks Bill
Re: About Docking and Promiscuity
2-3-2002
Safe sex. We hear (and should hear) about it all the time. Bill's comment on the risk of docking is, as usual, logically well founded. But it made me wonder if cock2cock sex is *safe* or just LESS risky than other behavior.
The idea of cross contamination thru the urethral membranes sound medically valid.
If so, docking may not be the only risk in such a case.
Those of us with some experience in m2m frot know it is inevitable our cocks will be wet with each others semen during male climax and ejaculation. If your cockhead is engulfed in your buddy's cum, is that a route of transmission?
Interesting question.
Lucky male anatomy provides a longer urethral channel than women. One reason males have fewer UTI (urinary tract infections). More than than, as a cock relaxes after orgasm, there is commonly a slow OUTGOING afterleak that moves up to clear the passage and prevent anthing from incoming easily. Still, anything is possible, so concern is warrented no matter what.
Does that mean we should all start wearing rubbers for cock2cock sex?
The better admonition is: KNOW your partner. Bill's caution against promiscuity as a primary risk factor is well taken. Besides, even skin-on-skin contact is not without risk. It can transmit herpes and other STDs.
Guys in a regular relationship want to trust the purity in THAT MOMENT when your feel your buddy ejaculating and you gush your semen into his for the supreme male union.
Fears of disease should not be a worry.
Health relationships are the real key to safety, even in cock2cock.
Re: About Docking and Promiscuity
2-4-2002
I'm glad that Don and the Cockster both posted, and hopefully we can move closer to a consensus about docking.
To me the big difference between frot and docking has to do with where you cum.
With frot you cum in the open air. With docking, you shoot into a very small, confined, wet space around your dickheads that you and your partner have created by tightly holding foreskin over them.
There are two reasons this matters.
The first is that many pathogens are anaerobic -- they don't like oxygen. When you shoot into the air, you send them into an environment that's not good for them. When you shoot into a warm wet enclosure, you're helping them flourish.
The second has to do with quantity. It's an axiom of science that a change in quantity produces a change in quality. When you shoot into the air or onto your partner's body, the semen is dispersed, and any germs spread around, where their numbers are likely to be too small to do any harm. But if you shoot into the space created when you dock, you create an intense concentration of microbes -- a lot of pathogens in a small space -- ideal for infection.
So there's a big difference between frot and docking.
And unless you're incredibly stupid and have your partner cum into an open wound, you cannot get HIV from frot, a fact that I and many other guys in this club can attest to because we had intense skin-on-skin frot relationships with men who subsequently died of AIDS -- while we remained HIV negative.
Some detail might help. I met my late lover Brett in 1982. HIV was not identified till 85, and he wasn't diagnosed till 88. During those six years (and up until he was very ill) we rubbed cocks and came together literally thousands of times -- generally speaking, we had sex every day.
We were really into each other :)
And aside from avoiding open wounds, as I just discussed, we took no precautions with Brett's cum till late in his illness. As a matter of fact, it was routine for him and me to rub our cum into each other's cocks and balls and abs and pecs.
So I got lots of HIV on my skin. I may even have gotten some in my distal urethra.
BUT NOT ENOUGH TO INFECT ME.
That's the crucial point. You don't want to invite or introduce large numbers of microbes into your body. And when you dock, I believe, you're creating an environment in which that can happen.
So that's why the Cockster says he's concerned about syphilis and gonnorhea -- quite rightly.
And Don talks about promiscuity and he's right too.
I'm very concerned that in popularizing frot and with it perhaps docking, the frottage movement not repeat the mistakes of the 70s and create an ecological niche which some pathogen will colonize.
The way to avoid that is to discourage promiscuity by being realistic about the physical and psychological costs of promiscuous behavior.
After all, it's not anal penetration alone that spread HIV. It was anal promiscuity. That was and remains the problem.
And there are men in this and other frot clubs who are quite promiscuous. As best I can tell, those men are not men for whom frot is a passion. Rather, they are sexual omnivores who will post anywhere in the hope of getting laid.
These are the men who have the least sense of community and are most likely to do things in here that make the site less comfortable for others.
Most of you don't ever see what they do cause I deal with it privately.
But, for example, recently a man posted in member locations describing himself as hispanic and saying "black or white only. no asians."
Go figure. One of my all-time favorite frot buds was an Asian man who was drop-dead handsome, very hot, very personable, and had the most beautiful proportions of any guy I've ever seen.
Anyway, the racist poster had a home page listed and I checked it out, and sure enough he said on there that he was into "long, slow, sessions of fucking."
So there are a lot of gay men out there who have an essentially consumerist and exploitative attitude about sex.
And they're a problem -- a big problem. Cause they're the people who've created a community that's riddled with disease.
Heroic Homosex is about creating a different kind of community of men who like to have sex with men. A phallic community which values and promotes loyalty, equality, masculinity, and nobility.
David McQ just posted about that, and it's not a pipe dream. It's something you can have if you want it bad enough.
So -- go watch an episode of QAF and think about what you've got.
And then think about what your life might be.
Related:
Do Gay Men Have to be Promiscuous?
Back to Personal Stories
AND
Warriors Speak is presented by The Man2Man Alliance, an organization of men into Frot
To learn more about Frot, ck out What's Hot About Frot
Or visit our FAQs page.
© All material on this site Copyright 2001 - 2010 by Bill Weintraub. All rights reserved.
