struggling on the way back up



struggling on the way back up


My life and the new way I look at the once-ordinary things around me are now a bit topsy-turvy. My safe and good and compartmentalized life is now in jeopardy. Today I'm stumbling through a new fog, a scary and foreign terrain. I blame the Man2Man Alliance.

For many months I've been staring over the precipice of Lost Faith, steeling myself to make the leap. Damn near had my courage up. Only to be made to take a last look over my shoulder by a sleight-of-hand -- the shared lives of other men in Personal Stories. Irony of all ironies in my life to date: Can frot lead to Salvation? Can a weary and lost soul turn around late in life and be made to re-configure?

I relate all of this heavy drama with a sly sense of humor. I can laugh a bit at the gravity of my situation here.

The word "acceptance" is feeling somewhat bitter in my mouth; a life of accepting the tenants of what is convenient for society; my proper place in the scheme of things where I don't cause any fuss, make any ripples or ruffle any feathers.

An acceptance of "well, guess this is what's best for the whole." An acceptance that "my life is 'good enough', no need to rock any boats."

An acceptance of loneliness as The New and Only Way.

Why am I struggling at hearing the good news? Is the journey back Up as land-mined as the journey Down? How twisted has Acceptance and Loneliness made me? And-- is it just too damn late?

My Lone Wolf skin has served me well in surviving this far. Why does it not feel like a comfortable fit any longer?

God clearly condemns sodomy. Something I've read on the Man2Man website continues to whirlpool in my brain: Frot is not sodomy. Well I'll be damned. Maybe you can teach an old dog (wolf) new tricks. I feel a dozen hands clasping my shoulders just as I was resigned to go headlong over The Edge.



Re: struggling on the way back up


Bill -- this is me once again, just purging my brain (which has been threatening to explode since I discovered The Alliance 3 weeks ago). You're catching all the over-spray. The Man2Man Alliance has opened my eyes to a lot of crap I've suppressed over the years and things I've denied. Don't want to be in denial anymore. So it just kinda bursts out. And you happen to be standing there. Sorry, dude. Might wanta take a few steps back.


1. I don't have to be ashamed of my masculinity. "Masculine" is not a dirty word.

2. Frot is not sodomy. Well, hit me over the head with the Ten Commandments why don't ya. Such a simple truth has set me free.

3. I'm not some new sub-species which has yet to be captured, identified and cataloged. I'm a Frot Man. Was thinking I was the only one of my kind for decades. But found my long lost brothers through this website.

4. Dick2Dick is great. But Heart2Heart is even better.

5. I can still be a spiritual man while being with a man. I don't give up my soul by entering into some forbidden relationship. Frot can be very spiritual. There's a sacred alter where the two cocks meet. And where the hearts, mouths and eyes converge.

6. Evidently, I'm discovering that there are many married men and celibate men living lonely lives out there. Why? Because they reject the current gay culture and don't know about frot or the Man2Man Alliance. I'd like to start up a ministry within the realm of this Alliance that reaches out to such men. These men are isolated. But they've made noble choices, given the choices available. Closeted men tend to catch a lot of flak from the out men. "How are you going to affect change if you don't come out of the closet?" But these men know: there are worse things than being alone. And what's to come out to? To a gay culture that is insipid and brutal. We don't want to be associated with that culture. (I just said "we, didn't I?) So what are your thoughts on a Ministry of Discretion, Bill? Lots of lonely and isolated hearts out there. Maybe we can see the number of responses posted back to this idea and go from there.


1. When the Apocalypse strikes, don't forget your sense of humor.

2. United we are ready for anything.

3. Do your best. After that, don't worry about what you can't do anything about. (My sixteen year old tells me this when I'm overwhelmed in my parental duties. Sometimes I think these kids are raising me).

4. If all of your friends jump off a cliff -- show 'em who has the real balls and jump off a bigger cliff.


1. Why the big hurry all the time? Remember to take time to throw me sticks everyday. Wanta take a nap with me?

2. Why you acting like one of those animals that mate for life? Don't ya think it's time to get over it and move on in life? You should learn to be more like me.

3. Cats are NOT your friend.

My German Shepard listens to all my woes. And he's never once scolded me for being whiny. Even when I am.

Okay Warriors. I know that if you've visited this website that you have to have learned something. Something sparked in your chest. So, I wanted to put it out there: if this Alliance has supported you in your beliefs -- THEN SUPPORT IT BACK. If you've been given hope, learned to be a Warrior and/or found Your Brotherhood - then give back. Put it in your weekly or monthly budget to donate. Amazon makes it easy. Or drop it in the mail. Bill, please don't delete this portion of the text; you can chastise me later. This Alliance hasn't sprung out of thin air. Someone has put their blood, sweat and tears into this, burning the midnight oil to make it so. Bill has put his heart and soul into these pages. Give him a thanks.

And if you pray, please pray for Patrick and Bill. Light a candle or whatever you do in times like these. A quick email to Bill expressing your graitude and love and respect will go a long way. Patrick is Our Hero, Our Warrior. Same goes for Bill. Don't forsake that, guys. We all need our heroes. We've got 'em. Acknowledge that.

I'm of the belief that the Man2Man Alliance is plugged into a Higher Plan. Let's make this movement work and move forward. Let's stand together under a banner of a united brotherhood and love so other men out there don't have to endure the things we're having to right now. My dog tells me I've tipped over the edge of Trite and Maudlin. But I am sincere.

Forward, Warriors. Victory is ours.


Bill Weintraub

Re: struggling on the way back up


Thank you Lawrence, for all your good thoughts and kind wishes.

Guys, Lawrence is the author of the wholesome wonder of man-to-man, dick-to-dick and in honor of my cousin/lover/frot brother.

I'd suggest that if you haven't, you read both of those previous posts -- in order to better understand this one.

I am in overwhelm here so I'm going to have to make this quick.

A few points:

1. "I'm not some new sub-species which has yet to be captured, identified and cataloged. I'm a Frot Man."


But ultimately, what you are is -- a MAN.

That's what you are.

I created the terms Frot Man, Frot Guy, etc., because I know people like to have categories like that.

But -- there was a time, not terribly long ago, when sex between men was an activity -- not a category.

And that's what it has to become again -- an activity.

A Manly and Masculine act.

So that it's understood that MEN --

have sex with Women; and that MEN --

have sex with MEN.

Men have sex with Men.

Guys have sex with Guys.

Always have, always will.

And the Natural Way for a Man to have sex with a Man, as you and Gary discovered, is Frot.

You guys rubbed cocks without ever being taught or being told.

You were two feisty young Fighting Men -- and you discovered Frot completely on your own.

There were no cultural supports for what you did.

There was nothing.

You just did it.

Like bonobos and dolphins and manatees and whales.

You just did it.

So: Men have sex with Men.

And you're a Man.

You've fathered three sons.

Would you be more of a Man if you'd fathered four?


Would you be less of a Man if you'd fathered none?


It's good to have kids, but that's not the path every life follows.

So: you're a Man.

That's the important thing for you to understand.

And your Cock2Cock desires do not make you any less of a Man.

To the contrary:

Cock2Cock exalts your Masculinity and honors your Manhood.

Like Fighting -- which you and Gary were also into -- Frot is a primal male act.

You can't get more primal, you can't get more Male, than Frot.

Fighting and Frot.

You've had both in your life.

I hope you have at least the latter -- again.

2. "I can still be a spiritual man while being with a man. I don't give up my soul by entering into some forbidden relationship. Frot can be very spiritual. There's a sacred alter where the two cocks meet. And where the hearts, mouths and eyes converge."

That's right, and I particularly like this line:

"There's a sacred alter where the two cocks meet."

You spelled "altar" with an "e".

And I really like that.

Because when the two cocks meet -- there's a change.

Cock meets cock is a life-changing event.

Of immense spiritual power.


"There's a sacred altar where the two cocks meet."


"There's a sacred alter where the two cocks meet."

The altar of cock-meets-cock is a place of change -- where, as one of our Warriors said, men's souls converge, and what has seemed profane is revealed to be sacred.

3. "I'd like to start up a ministry within the realm of this Alliance that reaches out to such men. ... what are your thoughts on a Ministry of Discretion, Bill? Lots of lonely and isolated hearts out there. Maybe we can see the number of responses posted back to this idea and go from there."


I would say what's important is for guys to do something.

And this is addressed not to Lawrence but to the vast and overwhelming majority of you.

Right now, 99.99999999% of you are doing nothing.

That won't work.

So -- if you're not willing, at this point in your life, to speak the truth of your life aloud, then literally the least you can do -- is donate.

We've made it really simple to donate, and to donate anonymously.

We don't carry advertising and we don't charge fees.

Be fair.

Literally the least you can do is donate.

If you won't donate and you won't read and you won't come out and you won't form Regional Chapters -- nothing will change.

And you'll have no one to blame but yourselves.

And eventually you'll grow old and you'll die.

And that's it -- that's it for your one sweet precious life.

Warrior Studcuddler, who posted in the in honor message thread, noted that he's "48 ... and the clock is ticking."

Well, guess what?

We've been around for eight years.

My first article was published in December 1999, and we're heading into December 2007.

Suppose Studcuddler had found us eight years ago?

He'd be 40 instead of 48.

I've been both and I can tell you there's a difference.

So you need to do something.

Before another eight years passes.

And then another eight and then another eight.

Just the way it is.

At this point you've squandered Patrick and you're in very great danger of squandering me.

That too is the way it is.

Human beings are frail, human life is fragile.

We don't last forever.

"Patrick is Our Hero, Our Warrior."

That's right.

Patrick's a hero because he was a straight-identified man who had the courage to come out as a guy into Cock2Cock.

And to admit that he'd been interested in other guys for about as long as he'd been interested in girls.

And that all the time he spent wrestling around with his budz -- he was hard.

When are you going to admit that?

In five years?



And then Patrick had the courage to get *emotionally* involved with another Man, to fall in love with that Man, and to ask that Man to marry him.

When are you going to do that?

Five years?



Better think about it bro.

Lawrence has shown similar courage by speaking out about what went down between him and Gary.

When are you going to speak out?

Five years?



I just got an email from Frances.

For those who don't know, Frances is a woman.

And a true Warrior.

She said:

I look forward to a day when men are no longer these house puppies Americans breed. But, men. And, when women no longer have to look for their best friend in an effeminized man. Their alliance will be based on trust, respect, and the need to breed, pure and simple.

How bout it?

If your relationship depends upon you being an effeminized house puppy --

how real is it?

how true?

Well, let's end on a positive note.

We've said that The Way of the Warrior is the Way of Salvation.

Can you get there from where you are?

Sure you can.

It's just a matter of deciding to do it.

Here are two quotes from Thoreau that bear directly on the question:

Do not worry if you have built your castles in the air. They are where they should be. Now put the foundations under them.

If one advances confidently in the direction of his dreams, and endeavors to live the life which he has imagined, he will meet with success unexpected in common hours.

So -- your hopes and dreams are real.

Realizing them will take work.

But, as Thoreau says, if you endeavor confidently to live the life you've imagined -- you'll meet with success.

Thank you Lawrence.

You're a true Warrior.

Remember that.

Remember you're a Warrior.

Remember that Gary was too.

Remember what you and Gary had.

And remember that it was ripped from you by people who had no business doing that.

You were two young warriors-in-training -- what the Spartans called bull-calves -- well on your way to becoming Men -- when a big chunk of your mutual Manhood was taken from you by --


Worthless, faithless, clerics.

They destroyed your youth and devastated your lives.

And for what?

For nothing.

For no good reason.

That has to stop.

Men have to once again be free -- to be Men.

Bill Weintraub

October 3, 2007

© All material Copyright 2007 by Bill Weintraub. All rights reserved.

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