Bill Weintraub

Re: On My Own Terms

9-1-2002

I'll reply to this very dignified and eloquent post tomorrow.

I just want to note for now that Warrior DB is the author of Musings of a Black Gay Man into Frot, one of the most popular pages on the site.

Bill Weintraub

Re: On My Own Terms

9-2-2002

this is a powerful post from a dignified and eloquent warrior

and i honor his statement that he's proud to be living life on his own terms -- even if that means living alone

and i recognize that part of his determination must come from the realization, brought forcefully home by our interaction with Fenway Health, that after two years of attempting to inform and educate other gay men, the gay male mainstream remains steadfastly and willfully blind to our issues and ideas

yet i am hopeful and even optimistic that warriordb will find a man not only to have sex with, but to share love with as well

as i have often said to the club, i believe that one is most likely to find a lover when one is engaged with the world, fighting for what one believes

and that's what warriordb has been doing

using his truly awesome abilities as a communicator to convey the reality of the lives of men into frot

fighting, and fighting from his strengths

the problem is that not enough of you have been fighting beside him

i know that finding a partner is an issue that concerns most of you deeply

but you have to be realistic

the only publicity that Cockrub Warriors and Heroic Homosex receive is publicity that you generate

and far too many people write to me and say "love your site -- i *stumbled across it* while surfin the net"

that's not good enough -- we have to do a better job of getting the word out

but here's the reality: i have no money for advertising, and even if i did, there's no guarantee that the gay press, which won't report on us and even censors our posts, would accept ads for our sites

nor, generally speaking, can the press be compelled to do so

similarly, i'm going to be creating a G-rated site so that we can reach the nongay press

but again, i can't force that press to cover our issues or even accept an ad

so at this point, and perhaps forever, only you can educate the world about frot, dick2dick, and cock2cock

and we're talking very basic education here -- for example, what the words mean

because many guys, while having fantasies about d2d, don't know what it's called

their feelings are literally inchoate

so they can't even do an internet search

sensei patrick, who posted under the title A Str8 Man's Epiphany, is a good example

he didn't know what the term for what he wanted to do was

he had a vague idea about "cockfighting"

so he went to Google, where a search under that word turned up about 50,000 entries, almost all about a cruel and offensive form of gambling pitting domesticated birds against each other

or, as patrick put it to me, "i looked at a lot of pictures of roosters"

that's the reality

so you need to come out as men into frot, and you need to publicize frot sites, and to talk up frot issues wherever you go, in cyberspace and in the real world

and you need to understand -- if you're unpartnered, and you let an opportunity to talk about frot pass, all you've done is put another nail in the coffin of your loneliness

i wish i could tell you otherwise

i wish i could tell you that all you need do is put up a notice in Frot Club, and Prince Charming will come galloping out of the screen and into your life

or that you can tell guys you meet in the dot-com chat rooms that you're not into anal and they'll say oh, that's okay

they won't -- or they may say it, and then once you're dating, try -- very hard -- to convert you to the anal faith

so you have to fight

for me this issue of a partner is a bit academic -- i had the great cockrub romance of my life, and you can see him in all his hard-dicked glory under The Story of Bill and Brett

but guys, i didn't meet him by cowering in my room -- i met him by being out in the world, fighting for what i believed

and that's what you have to do

because in the great mating game of life, meek and mild just doesn't cut it

SENSEI PATRICK

Re: On My Own Terms

9-10-2002

THANKS FOR POSTING YOUR THOUGHTS...YOU CONVEY YOUR FEELINGS QUITE CLEARLY AND THERE ARE GUYS ON THIS SITE THAT NEED TO HEAR THEM...GUYS LIKE ME WHO ARE NEW TO THE SCENE AND WHO HAVE NO EXPERIENCE TO GUIDE THEM.

YOUR INSIGHTS ARE IMPORTANT...MAYBE MORE SO THAN EVEN YOU REALIZE...BELIEVE ME WHEN I TELL YOU THAT THE NEW GUYS ON THIS SITE NEED TO READ THEM BECAUSE THERE IS A REAL DANGER IN THEM FALLING INTO THE ANAL PRACTICES THAT SO DOMINATES OUR SUB-CULTURE TODAY.

THE REASON IS THAT BECAUSE THEY SO WANT TO BE ACCEPTED, (I.E. POPULAR) THEY MAY BE EASY TO "CONVERT" TO THE ANAL SCENE...THEY HAVE NO EXPERIENCE TO HOLD THEM FAST TO THEIR OWN DESIRES AND THEY MAY BE EASILY SWAYED INTO DOING SOMETHING ELSE...SOMETHING THEY REALLY CAN'T IDENTIFY WITH THEIR OWN URGES... SOMETHING THAT IS NOT MASCULINE.

THANKS MY BROTHER FOR KEEPING YOUR POWER AND KEEPING YOUR (AND OUR) THINKING CLEAR... THIS IS WHAT WILL ALLOW YOU TO FIND YOUR OWN KINDRED SOUL AND I BELIEVE YOU WILL, HOPEFULLY SOON.

PEACE.

SENSEI PATRICK A.K.A. "T"

Slurp

Re: On My Own Terms

1-2-2003

I know this is a post from 3 months ago but I'm new to this site and to d2d, and so I'm reading all of these great thoughts and writings here for the first time.

To Warriordb, and all the similar guys out there (I know he's not alone), I think that the choice to stay true to your centre is an unregrettable one. I know the phrase is 'we regret the things we didn't do, not the things we did do' but sometimes that's not the case. If we could have our time over, we wouldn't necessarily do anal, or chemsex, or whatever. If we held onto our centre like an internal anchor in the sea of external pressure, cajoling and covert indoctrination, we wouldn't lose ourselves in what others want us to be or to do.

Like you, I want to live my dream, not someone else's. That doesn't mean it's easy, or never lonely, or that I don't get tempted. It just means that in the midst of all that, I remember to search again for my centre in whatever way works for me at the time. And if I do that, then everything falls into place again, and I am me - the real me.

On my deathbed I know that I won't regret being me, but I also know that I'll regret the times when I temporarily lost me. But the thing is, I can let go of that regret - it's a short-term feeling - if I've learned from it and used it to minimise the times I stray from myself. Whereas I can't let go of living an entire life according to someone else's desires, or of an incurable disease.

That's why I like this site - it reminded (and reminds) me to reclaim my space, my life, my self. To be vigilant - but not fearful - in living from that choice. And to take pleasure in it. Because being yourself is damn sexy ;-)

Greg

Re: On My Own Terms

1-2-2003

YEAH, UNFORTUNATELY DIDN'T HAVE MUCH LUCK TILL YET TO FIND MY WARRIORBROTHER BUT YES, I STILL KEEP ON LOOKING.

I WAS THINKING ABOUT TO GIVE UP MY SEARCH AND SIMPLY STAY SOMEHOW ALONE TILL IM GONNA LEAVE THIS WORLD HERE BUT I EXPERIENCED THAT THIS IS NOT A GOOD DECISION FOR A WARRIOR.

I EXPERIENCED THAT MY EMOTIONAL SELF IS DIRECTLY CONNECTED TO MY BELIEF OF LOVE, WHICH MEANS GIVING UP LOVE MEANS GIVING UP MY EMOTIONAL SELF, GIVING UP MY SOUL (WARRIORSOUL).

SO I CAME TO THE CONCLUSION THAT A WARRIOR MUST STAY A FIRM BELIEVER IN LOVE (BEING TRUE, LOYAL, FAITHFUL, MONOGAM AND INTO THE BELIEF TO FIND HIS WARRIORBROTHER SOME DAY) IN ORDER TO SURVIVE.

YES IT'S TRUE, HOLDING ON TO THIS BELIEF CAN MAKE US SUFFER AND FEEL LIKE THE LONELIEST PERSON IN THIS WORLD, BUT A WARRIOR MUST BE ABLE TO SUFFER IN PRIDE AND DIGNITY.

YEAH I KNOW SOUNDS A BIT EXAGGERATED :)

BUT IT DESCRIBES A BIT MY FEELINGS.

GP

Re: On My Own Terms

1-2-2003

Hey greg,

I read yer post and i dont think that you've exaggerated one bit! Life's a bitch when you're lookin for a fellow frot lovin dude, and it can be REALLY hard going, when the searchin gets tough, you so feel like giving up! All i ever meet in "gay" terms is femme guys and *top* talkers..

So, for me this site is SO INSPRIATIONAL, cos you read the posts and you can so relate to what's said, and you at least, know, that there IS quality guys out there, who know what C2C love is all about!

Keep troopin' dude!!

GP