Bill Weintraub

Re: My Story - Frot: A Homecoming

11-2-08

Hey Rick,

Thank you for this great post!

Let's take a look:

I happened upon your site by accident.

Rick, I'm glad you found us, and I'm glad we're here for you;

but I'm sorry it was "by accident."

I hope you'll join with us in getting our message out so that the literally millions of men who are ready and eager to hear it -- have a chance to do so.

But on second thought, I realize that there are no accidents. I was destined to find it. I would like to commend you on your heroic efforts to redeem the soul of the gay community.

Thank you Rick.

It was eight years ago that I finally embraced my sexual orientation after spending the better part of the past decade in various types of "ex-gay" and reparative change therapies.

Yes, I'm sorry to hear that.

I know those so-called therapies are very damaging.

And often, I know, guys tend to yo-yo back and forth between the reparative folks and analism.

A sort of Hobbesian choice.

So I'm glad you were able to break free of that.

Rick, we have a post on the site from Chuck Tarver, author of Musings of a Black Gay Man into Frot.

Chuck's post is titled Ex-gay ministries -- a letter from Chuck Tarver.

You might want to take a look.

As a Christian, I grappled with the Scriptures used by fundamentalists to condemn M2M. I became involved in Evangelicals Concerned Western Region (ECWR), which helped me to reconcile my faith with my orientation.

Good.

Rick, I know that it's been difficult for you to come to terms with what you call your "orientation."

But let me gently suggest to you that the categories of "sexual orientation" are themselves a snare and a delusion.

From our point of view in the Alliance, you're a Man.

And that's the only label or identifier that you need.

In addition, books such as A Place at the Table by Bruce Bawer and Stranger at the Gate by the Reverend Mel White were helpful resources. My coming out process, while a welcome relief, has been an interesting journey full of joys and disappointments.

I understand.

Like most of the men who have come across your website, I have trouble fitting into the gay subculture, in particular, with its top/bottom/versatile paradigm. Four years ago, I moved from Visalia, California to Sacramento in order to further my career prospects as well as have more opportunities to connect with other gay men. Visalia is located in the heart of California's "Bible Belt," so as you can imagine M2M relationships were frowned upon. While Sacramento offered much more in terms of gay community (e.g. bars, clubs, community center, film festivals, pride events, print media, and social groups), I found myself at odds with much of what constitutes the gay subculture.

Rick, that speaks well of you.

While I would consider myself a "top," I never felt fully comfortable with anal sex.

That too speaks well of you.

And believe me I had some pretty interesting and needless to say disgusting experiences. Your brutal assessment of anal sex

Yes.

The people we call analists are of course not happy with that assessment.

But we have to tell the truth about anal.

There's no point to -- nor is there any way of -- sugarcoating that truth.

Which is this:

Anal penetration is a brutal and deadly practice.

and your advocacy of frot have been liberating.

Good!

Even though I have engaged in frot, I never considered the deeper and symbolic significance of the practice. The truth does indeed set one free.

Yes.

The risks posed by anal penetration are not just limited to HIV/STI transmission but extend to the psyche.

Yes -- that's correct.

And in posts and articles like The Ultimate Defeat, Alliance author Robert Loring speaks very directly to the pyschic and spiritual damage done by anal.

The analist paradigm has also led to the objectification and exotification of men,

Yes.

in particular, men of color.

Yes -- absolutely.

As a man of color, I can truly relate to the essays written by Black Lotus and Eros V.

Yes, and again, I hope you'll look at Chuck's essays as well.

Chuck has been my colleague in this work since almost the beginning.

He's a wonderful person, and a terrific writer.

I resent being looked upon as a fetish or being categorized by a so-called sexual position.

As well you might.

Today's pornography industry is the worst offender in this regard.

Yeah -- those people are dreadful -- and always have been.

Where's the love, passion and unity been men? Men are not objects, but warriors comprised of heart, body and soul.

Rick, that's right, and very well said.

The Man2Man Alliance website and its affiliated domains have been a breath of fresh air. I finally have clarity about what genuine male-to-male intimacy looks and feels like.

Yes.

"Clarity" is a good word.

We're clear with guys that Frot is, as you say, "what genuine male-to-male intimacy looks and feels like."

In reading through both sites, I have gained a clearer understanding of Scripture as it pertains to homosex and in particular to anal sex.

Good.

Sex is not supposed to be harmful or humiliating.

Yes, that's correct.

I am finally able to break out of the analist mold and now look upon sex as a mutually pleasurable and egalitarian experience.

Right -- that's what it should be.

Fidelity and honor in relationships are concepts rarely affirmed in the dominant subculture, even with the current push towards gay marriage.

Yes, Rick, that's correct, and it's important that that be said.

Since coming out, I had made it my mission to find a boyfriend and settle down with a life partner.

I understand.

To date, I have only had short-term dating relationships that weren't sexually compatible and were based upon the analist paradigm.

Yes -- those are hopeless.

How can you find a relationship with another Man in a subculture based on anal penetration, promiscuity, and effeminacy?

It won't happen, because those acts destroy Men.

When you visit the big gay "dating" sites, which are really just hook-up sites, you see guys saying, "D/D free, UB2."

But how can guys remain disease free, if they're promiscuous -- and what's more, doing anal?

Anal is the ideal vehicle for the spread of STD.

That's why there's been such a huge divergence between the health of gay-identified males and straight-identified men over the last thirty years.

That's why, a full thirteen years since the appearance of HAART, we have at least 400,000 "men who have sex with men" -- it's actually "men who do anal with men" -- infected with HIV -- in America alone.

That's at least equal to the number of "MSM" who died of AIDS in the period from 1982 to 1995.

And, as I discussed in my response to Warrior Joe's You people are changing lives, researchers believe that over time ALL those whose "behavior puts them at risk" -- that is, ALL "men into anal" -- will become infected.

Not because of homophobia or stigma or anything else.

Because of behavior.

Because of anal.

It's the anal.

And as for the drugs --

Guys use drugs to dull both the physical pain of anal; and the psychological pain.

Again, it's no accident that substance abuse is so high in the "gay male community."

And of course, the posts say, "must be masculine."

But how can you expect a male to retain his masculinity, while repeatedly violating him anally?

That won't happen either.

Because anal penetration obliterates masculinity.

That whole subculture is toxic.

Best to avoid it as much as you can.

And that's why we strongly encourage Men to think about doing Regional Chapters -- for mutual support and comradeship; and to think too about joining us in a true Warrior Community.

This has only served to frustrate my attempts at finding a sustainable, long-term relationship given that my prospective partners had to be "bottoms." Since coming across your work, I can now approach any prospective mate as an equal, a MAN just as I AM A MAN.

Yes, that's exactly right.

I believe that I am worthy of true intimacy.

Yes, of course you are.

All Men are.

The Man2Man Alliance has been an epiphany for me.

That's great!

Frot sex is truly hot sex in all of its wonderful dimensions. I find the masculine energy exhilarating.

Yes -- it is.

Masculinity is exhilarating.

Manliness is exhilarating.

Manhood is exhilarating.

For a reason.

Masculinity is a Divine Principle.

Manhood, a Divine Gift.

And Frot, therefore, a Holy Sacrament.

Phallus is Manhood.

Manhood is Man.

Man2Man means Manhood2Manhood.

Manhood is Good.

Man is Good.

I could spend hours if not days taking all of this in. Please consider me a fellow warrior in this sexual and spiritual revolution. Thank you very much!

Rick, you're very welcome, and thank you for writing.

I'm glad we can be here for you.

And guys, Rick lives in Sacramento and has a post up in Frot Club.

If you're in the Sacramento area, you may want to ck that out.

Guys, I recently put up another post which is germane to Rick's letter, and many other guys' -- titled Questions About Homosexuality and Christianity.

And as I say at the beginning of that post, I get lots of email asking those sorts of questions.

In that post, I list just a few of the posts we have on the site which address "Questions about Homosexuality and Christianity."

A number of those are by Robert Loring, who wrote The Ultimate Defeat, which I referenced above.

In addition to his original articles and posts on our sites, Robert has posted replies.

Here's what he's said in a few of those replies:

In his reply to A Community of Men, Robert says

When we allow gay culture to conquer us so that we submit to things we detest a piece of us dies inside and that is most often our masculinity. But this part of us can be resurrected and rise like the great Phoenix Bird from out of the midst of its own ashes. That resurrection comes when we make the conscious and purposeful choice to simply be ourselves. To simply be men who love other men, frot, and men who truly love to experience real love with other men.

"submit to things we detest" says Robert.

Rick tells us his experiences doing anal were "disgusting."

He also tells us he was objectified and treated "as a fetish."

In his reply to A Confirmation of Masculinity, Robert says

Frot men promote each others manhood and masculinity rather than try to destroy it. Frot men do not seek to depersonalize their partners nor to rob them or themselves of their human manly dignity. Frot is, therefore, not only healthy physically but, in my opinion, it is also healthy psychologically and spiritually. It promotes the man rather than destroys the man.

And in his reply to Why Warriors, Robert says

The Greeks had the right idea and concept. As you say Bill, "They expected men who loved men to be masculine and monogamous, and they were." You also state, "and if we change our expectations, we'll change behavior" which relates to the basic premise of Cognitive Psychology (change the thinking, change the behavior). You are RIGHT and you couldn't be more right Bill. Edgar Cayce once said, "Mind is the Builder, Spirit is the Life, Physical is the Result". Our thoughts form our perceptions and expectations and as we change our thinking we also change our behavior.

"As we change our thinking we also change our behavior."

Clearly much of what Robert has said applies to Rick -- as it does to so many of us.

Again, I welcome Rick to our Man2Man Alliance.

I hope that some of you will write to him -- and/or post a reply to his post.

Guys, over the last two months -- September and October of 2008 -- I've received an enormous amount of mail from guys like Rick.

There's been a LOT.

And if you look at some of the posts on the Personal Stories list which are near Rick's, you'll see just a few of those letters.

So: Our message is getting out and we're reaching Men, Men who are, as I like to say, ready and eager to hear our message of hope and renewal.

Guys, it's critical that you DONATE so that we can continue and indeed expand that aspect of our work.

You -- yes, YOU -- are reading this post today ONLY because some other guy donated yesterday or the day before.

Now it's your turn to return the favor -- and to make sure that the sites are here for the next guy who needs to see them.

At the moment, due to some typically analist machinations, we're only able to receive donations via the mail -- at the moment, we can't receive donations via credit card.

So what?

It couldn't take more than five minutes for you to address an envelope and put a check or cash inside.

In those five short minutes, you'll have fought back -- you'll have struck a VERY effective blow against the analists who've oppressed Men like Rick for decades -- and against the heterosexists who've oppressed all of us for years and years and years.

Don't you want to do that?

Aren't you tired of being kicked around the kitchen by these idiots and fools whose idea of sex is to eat shit; or to stick a dirty finger up your butt; or to sit on a dildo or get a fist shoved up their ass?

Aren't you tired of hearing that if you admit your love for Men as well as for Women, you must be "gay?"

Aren't you tired of all the bullshit that's been flung your way?

And rubbed in your face?

FIGHT BACK.

Don't sit there passively while some buttboy kicks you in the face -- and in your nuts, which are the actual target.

What these people are after is your Masculinity.

Your MANHOOD.

That's what they don't like.

That's what they hate.

That's what they mean to wipe out.

Don't let them.

FIGHT BACK.

You're letting a bunch of sissy-boys and femmies and religious right frauds ruin your life.

Don't do that.

FIGHT BACK.

Rick said, "Men are not objects, but warriors comprised of heart, body and soul."

Do you agree with him?

Are you tired of being an object?

Do you want to be a Warrior instead?

A MAN?

Comprised of heart, body, and soul?

Then FIGHT BACK.

MEN FIGHT.

That's what they do.

They Fight for themselves, for those they love, for their families, for their country, for their right to be here on this earth and to live and thrive.

Be a MAN.

FIGHT BACK.

Rick suffered for eight years at the hands of the "reparative therapists."

And then spent another four years under the thumb of the analists.

That's twelve years of misery.

Plus: In his Frot Club post, Rick says he's forty-two.

Forty-two minus twelve only takes us to age thirty.

He hasn't said what happened in his first thirty years.

But I think it's safe to assume that they weren't passed in an Eden of Manly Love.

How many years of UNmanly misery have you had?

Yet it takes only five minutes.

Five minutes to FIGHT BACK.

FIGHT BACK.

SAVE YOUR LIFE.

Bill Weintraub

November 2, 2008

© All material Copyright 2008 by Bill Weintraub. All rights reserved.