FROTTAGE When the Lights Came On

Posted 6/2/01

My sexuality is established...I'm gay, always have been, and don't know or care to know anything different. From my cognitive years I've always assumed it to be as natural for me as breathing, even when society challenged the "rightness" of it, and my personal approval of who I was in light of the mores that were put upon me by the Moral Majority.

Which things I seriously considered in my late adolescent and young adult years, weighing them stringently against the comfort I felt in my conscience as a sexually active gay man. Sometimes trying to change to fit the mode of my hyper-conservative environment. This of course led to internal conflict which was too much to bear for my young mind, bringing on depression and despair, the result of which was an all too familiar attempt to perform the permanent solution to a temporary problem. An attempt perpetrated particularly among our young brothers and sisters who feel isolated and without hope in a biased and unyielding world.

I got over it though and the issues waned from the external homophobic world, and waxed to the internal one, those in "the life" like me.

Butch queens, and size queens, and drag queens, Oh my!

I was suddenly not in Kansas any more. You see, I was oriented in my sexuality already, but became "sexual" through frottage before it even had a name to me. The neighborhood bully had a thing for me and frequently and for years took me to his bedroom and frotted with me in our Fruit Of The Looms. He was much older than me, and very well endowed. I remember him cumming through his underwear and wondering why we always got wet when he finished. That'll give you a hint that I was at least pre-pubescent. After a while I craved it.

It was the most fulfilling for me.

But eventually the brain washing took place and I was caught up in the tyranny of Top/Bottom-ism. For years I only occasionally looked back to those days of rubbing cock and wondered if there was any way I could recapture them. I bucked against the system of queens and trade long before I ever heard there where people like me with whom I could find refuge away from the insanity I was in.

But as I remained I was delegated to the position of bottom, because the thought of sticking my cock in anything was disgusting to me. I was misinformed by the buttfuckies and buttfuckers to believe I felt that way because I was a "true bottom." Hog wash! It was because I was truly gay and didn't have need for any penetration whatsoever to be fulfilled and whole sexually.

But there was no outlet. No audience to voice my inner most desires.

Thanks for The Warriors. My eyes were opened to a new zeal to pursue the benefits of my man2man love after several years of celibacy.

You have given me renewed hope

fever's profile:

Tall 6'3", 180lb, , athletic built, brn/hzl eyed, long limbs, shaved blk/natv. amer. I want an LTR- but don't NEED IT. Lasting things are what I truly like that Go beyond sexuality. Companionship, fidelity, love. Acceptance of one another. These go past sexual years where we'll all be one day. Face it! But I like grinding underneath and over,throbbing puds tween wet thighs, raking cocks, hard pubic thrusts, hairy or shaved. Heavy petting. No butt, some oral if passion is high. Just my sexual desire

reply from bill

Thank you warrior feverpitch4frot for this brave, honest, eloquent, and poignant post.

Reading it I could see that warrior fever has, not surprisingly, a lot in common with many of us.

For example, how many of us in this club considered or attempted suicide? When I was in HS, much of the time my thoughts alternated between suicide and murder - and I've not been surprised that in many of the recent school shootings, the shooters have been taunted incessantly with words like homo and fag.

Many of us share with fever too the introduction to frot in pre-pubescence: Cockrubbing Before It Was Cockrubbing, Rubbing and TV Wrestling as a Kid, Boyhood Brawling, Wanna Get in a Fight With Me?, Personal Recollections, Fetish Rubbing.

And then being forced into top-bottom culture -- Hyacinthine Love, The Romance of Frot, A Celebration of Life, So Alone in My Love, JO Joys, The Book of Cockrub, I Honor the Phallus, Best Sex He Ever Had/Denigration, The Wrestling Way to Cockrubbing, Glad to Find This Community!, I Know I'm Not Alone -- At Last!, My Own Kind, Learning to be a Cockrub Warriorg, Personal Recollections, LONG LIVE FROTTAGE -- among others.

And hating it so much that we become celibate.

Would that happen if anal was as "natural" and "inherently pleasurable" as the buttfuck boyz claim it is?

And there's a theme of ambivalence in this post that's also common to many of our lives.

We try to be good little boys, we try to fit in first to straight culture, then to gay culture.

That's what I did -- that was my experience too.

But neither culture can fill our needs.

Or as fever puts it, "the issues waned from the external homophobic world, and waxed to the internal one, those in "the life" like me. Butch queens, and size queens, and drag queens, Oh my!"

That's exactly right. Butch queens and size queens and drag queens - and none of them who we are. How could they be? They're just facades, empty shells. Hyper-masculinity and effeminacy both covering up the nothingness within.

So we've had to do what we've done here - create our own culture for ourselves, our true selves.

Warrior fever says:

"For years I only occasionally looked back to those days of rubbing cock and wondered if there was any way I could recapture them. I bucked against the system of queens and trade long before I ever heard there where people like me with whom I could find refuge away from the insanity I was in ....because I was truly gay and didn't have need for any penetration whatsoever to be fulfilled and whole sexually."

That's exactly right too.

We don't need penetration.

We need phallus-to-phallus, the communion of cock2cock and dick2dick.

That's who we are.

AND

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